Mario Lopez continues his never-ending war on sleeves

November 17th, 2008 // 67 Comments

A.C. Slater,

What is it with you and sleeves? Why do they vex you so?
I’ve put great a deal of effort into this question (five minutes) and narrowed it down to a list of likely scenarios that fuel your unbridled hatred for armwear. If these hit close to home, my apologies:

1. Dustin Diamond. ‘Nuff said.
2. A sleeve touched your special place when a grown-up wasn’t around.
3. One time a beautiful woman person asked to see your guns, but they were buried under a sleeve causing you to scream into the night, “NO, DAMN YOU! NEVER AGAIN, SLEEVES!
4. A sleeve murdered your father over an unpaid debt.
5. They’re itchy.

I understand you’re currently in South Beach, but a timely response would be appreciated before I tell people a sleeve broke your heart and slept with your brother.


The Superficial Writer

P.S. How much are we talking for you to show up to my work and call people “Preppy?” Five, ten bucks? Shoot me a figure which I’ll continually reject until you settle for a McMuffin.


  1. D. Richards (winner for once)

    Well I got out last week from the big house. I hope some of you are happy.

    First by God’s will. First!

  2. Leppy

    1st :D

  3. At least he’s not wearing a wrestling singlet.

    Also, I’m surprised you didn’t comment on the headwear.

  4. At least he’s not wearing a wrestling singlet.

    Also, I’m surprised you didn’t comment on the headwear.

  5. dork

    I just want to know whose panties he’s wearing on his head…

  6. veggi

    I’d love to have him fist me up the ass all the way up to the strap of that wife beater. He’s my ultimate dream man…

  7. Idiot Hater

    Am I missing something??? Does the Superficial hand out booby prizes for all of the idiots who play the ‘I’m First’ game?

  8. Kristen

    He cuts off his sleeves and wears them as heabands.

  9. OC Dee

    Mario is a hot guy who obviously takes very good care of himself. His fit body is one to be admired. I look forward to the days when mens swim shorts actually show their body and legs.

  10. JJ

    He is so gay.

  11. Max Planck

    Oh – I love what you’ve done with your hair!

  12. Bushtheworldsgreatestsocialistleader

    Well maybe it’s to do with the silly American right to bear arms? You fight so hard for it and people are dying left right and center and now at least someone takes advantage of the right their forefathers fought so hard for.

    On a side note, how much of a cock must you feel when you write

    “1st :D”

    And you are not actually 1st? Answers on a postcard Leppy and all the others who do the same every day.

  13. Bushtheworldsgreatestsocialistleader

    And I always thought bear arms were hairier when bared too.

  14. His photos were seen at the millionaire & celebrity dating club ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^^ last week. It is said he is already in relationship with a young pretty …, maybe you also have the chance to date with a rich beauty there. Come on.

  15. Biggun

    The muscles are compensating for his lack of wood. I think it’s that minimexicanpenitis disease he caught as an embryo.

  16. Biggun

    The muscles are compensating for his lack of wood. I think it’s that minimexicanpenitis disease he caught as an embryo.

  17. Biggun

    The muscles are compensating for his lack of wood. I think it’s that minimexicanpenitis disease he caught as an embryo.

  18. Turd Ferguson

    I prefer chimpanzee arms as opposed to bear arms. They’re smaller and easier to work with when trying to get that damn pickle jar opened.

  19. This was a funny read. Mario Lopez sure has come along way since Saved By The Bell. Mmm, I gotta touch those arms…awesome dimples too, what a cutie. I must say what I appreciate about him most is not only is he good looking, but he also seems to have a functioning brain unlike some other hot celebrities *AHEM Matthew McConaughey*

  20. Fernanado Narcos

    “Sleeve” is a euphemism for “woman”,right?

    We all know AC’s allergic to the ‘gina.

  21. mike

    Does anyone know what he’s wearing on his head? It’s pretty awesome, I’d love to buy a few.

  22. Carrie

    It would seem as though he has been cutting off his sleeves and wearing them as headbands!

  23. sameshitdifferentyear

    With that fucking thing on his head, he looks like the Chiquita banana girl.

    Is there any gym, anywhere in this fucking country, that does not have a personal trainer that looks exactly like him?

    Good for you Mario. Not only is there a video-game named after you, but you’re famous for looking exactly like 60,000,000 other guys across this nation.

  24. Sport


  25. BallsDeep

    This douche probably has to ice down at the end of the day from walking around in constant flex. Asswipe. Love how his ex’s all say he has a minidick.

  26. B

    He can keep warring with sleeves for all I care….

    Maybe he’ll get mad at shirts in general…hmmm…

  27. Bethany

    “A South Carolina Roman Catholic priest has told his parishioners that they should refrain from receiving Holy Communion if they voted for Barack Obama.”

    Damn it! How on earth will we maintain our moral compass if we can’t get that holy wafer handed to us by a man whose fingers were just inside the altar boy’s ass???

  28. Kelly

    Not so much the missing sleeves as the always present head band.

  29. mike

    He should start marketing those head band things. He could even borrow the name from his “Saved By The Bell” class project and dub them “Buddy Bands.”

  30. Tammy

    I too am more concerned with his headband. WTF?

  31. Yea - blah blah

    Mario Lopez = Dooshbag

  32. Ramona

    Freaking fine, wa wa wee wa, gay or not, i like!

  33. PunkA

    Dude has blown it with more hot chicks than Fish will ever see. Why Mario gets so many hot bitches I’ll never know. But the jackass will always be a jackass. I mean, you blew it with Ali Landry, Mario? Idiot.

  34. dontlooknow

    Don’t care if he’s a jerkoff, he’s good to look at.

  35. Jibbly Bigginso

    Mario Lopez has my full support on the war against sleeves. I think he should launch a war against tank tops and trousers too.

  36. hugh

    Nice wife-beater, beaner.

  37. tp

    My ex did the same thing…cut off t-shirt sleeves and wore them on his head…it’s the universal sign of douche bags.

  38. Sven Oljaski

    Mario will forever remain Dirty Sanchez.

  39. He’s not gay… but he is a two-timing cocksucker. I’m straight, but I don’t get this dude’s appeal.

  40. E. Norma Stitz

    So, who the fuck is this crusty, sleazy looking bastard? Has he been deloused and dipped for fleas?

  41. lol “im straight” reassuring everyone miniememe?

  42. Charlotte Powers

    Anyone posting after me blows on Mario Lopez’s penis more often than a Mexican with a leafblower

  43. #42, is that a promise?

  44. #43 nice try miniememe!!! i knew you were one of my clones!

  45. daphne

    the closet door is WIDE open….

  46. Lusty

    Oh Mario… please keep up your war against sleeves! Grrr… *yum*

  47. Douchie, you’re so pathetic and paranoid. So is your troll.

  48. Oh man, Saved by the Bell was so awesome.

    He’ll always be A.C. Slater.

  49. Dar

    Oh, man–is this the guy who had the unsuccessful dick transplant? Poor guy…

  50. cds


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