Marilyn Monroe sex tape sells for $1.5 million

Unlike her current imitators such as Paris Hilton, the now-dyed Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe the original blonde bombshell made a sex tape that ended up being classified by the FBI. I doubt copies of “A Night in Paris” are locked away next to the Ark of the Covenant. The vintage tape was declassified and was sold to a collector for a whopping $1.5 million. (Note: Porn is free on the internet. Just sayin’.) The tape only features Marilyn Monroe having oral sex with an unidentified man whose face remains off camera, according to the New York Post:

The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-’60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe’s sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said.
The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

The legendary film was sought by others when it’s existence became known. The FBI had confiscated the tape from an informant but not before he made a copy:

According to the documents, “Former baseball star Joseph DiMaggio in the past had offered [the informant] $25,000 for this film, it being the only one in existence, but he refused the offer.
“Source advised that [redacted name of the mole] informed them that he had obtained this film prior to the time Marilyn Monroe had achieved stardom.”

All I have to say is, what the shit? People gave blowjobs in the ’50s??! Annnd I’m impotent. Good game, penis.