Mariah wins money, thanks boobs

September 28th, 2005 // 8 Comments

Mariah_Gambles.jpgMariah Carey is said to have won $27,000 in a Las Vegas Casino on Friday after playing just three rounds of poker. She tells

“I used to play poker with my sister. But I think my low-cut dress put some of the guys off.”

Some people are saying that none of this ever happened, and that Mariah’s publicist just planted the story to get her some press coverage, which actually isn’t that far fetched. As genuinely hypnotic as Mariah is from the neck down, in Las Vegas, you can’t drop a pin in a room without popping silicone into someone’s eye, so I would imagine that hardcore poker players are used to having a fleshy nimbus of breasts floating around their heads all day. After all, they don’t call it Sin City because there’s a lack of hookers and they think the irony is cute. And even if anybody at the table did stare at her chest, it’s probably because they were thinking, “Now where have I seen a pair like those before?


  1. Juliette

    How could you not be distracted by those huge honkers? That isnt fair!

  2. Bookboi

    Of course. The guys were put off by her always well-merchandised breasts, not the fact that she is a vapid, egocentric shell of a woman.

  3. Tommy Cruise

    And here I thought she won because of her “poke her” face. Silly me.

  4. Ragin_Pope_Angus

    “Poke Her Face” … Bawahahahahahaha!

    Well, it’d be one useful function for that sad, pathetic creature.

    Mariah, we may stare at your jumbly hooters but we’d still just kick you out of bed after a high speed tonsil wash.

    Your clam is probably buck-toothed.

  5. DevastatorX

    No Mariah you idiot; they weren’t put off by your low cut dress, it’s because your sister has AIDS and is a whore. (No, she really is. I didn’t make that up)
    Which leads me to think, “How far behind are you?”

  6. TrickyB

    I thanked my johnson once but it was at a company function and I can’t talk about it.


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