Mariah Carey likes decorating her cleavage

Mariah Carey went shopping yesterday at Van Cleef & Arpels on Rodeo Drive. I have no idea what that is because I have a penis. Anyway, she tried on several pieces of jewelry. Apparently her breasts aren’t noticeable enough. Even the guy in the background, let’s call him Nigel, is trying to resist touching them. He’s mostly afraid the top button of Mariah’s shirt will rocket off at any second severing his finger. Then how will he explain that to his wife Mrs. Nigel? I mean, once she notices his well-earned Purple Heart.

Photos: Pacific Coast News