Mariah Carey likes decorating her cleavage

January 29th, 2008 // 77 Comments

Mariah Carey went shopping yesterday at Van Cleef & Arpels on Rodeo Drive. I have no idea what that is because I have a penis. Anyway, she tried on several pieces of jewelry. Apparently her breasts aren’t noticeable enough. Even the guy in the background, let’s call him Nigel, is trying to resist touching them. He’s mostly afraid the top button of Mariah’s shirt will rocket off at any second severing his finger. Then how will he explain that to his wife Mrs. Nigel? I mean, once she notices his well-earned Purple Heart.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

  1. Ted from LA

    I’d like to decorate her cleavage with my man-goo. Not really, but I couldn’t think of anything funnier to say.

  2. surroundedby idiots

    nice rack

  3. surrounded by idiots

    nice rack

  4. yes huh i would

    i’d beat my dick on her lips. i really would.

  5. granada

    Too bad she has a gorilla face.

  6. I like decorating CAKE

  7. Al

    Meh. She’s nothing special. I don’t find huge fake boobs attractive at all. I wonder if she will ever grow up and actually wear something classy without her tits and ass hanging out all over the place.

  8. Al

    Meh. She’s nothing special. I don’t find huge fake boobs attractive at all. I wonder if she will ever grow up and actually wear something classy without her tits and ass hanging out all over the place.

  9. I won’t have to look at her gorilla face while she’s gagging on my balls.

  10. Matthew

    PUPPIES god i wish I whould do miss carey

  11. Matthew

    PUPPIES god i wish I whould do miss carey

  12. L.Linus

    Why don’t she get it over with and just pull that titty out and show the world!

  13. Plastic Parts

    She’s so pathetic. Every picture she’s in, every show she does – she’s a pathetic poser, trying to stick out those fake titties and big ass. You never see her dressed in a classy outfit – always looks, and acts, like a slut. And always with that stupid expression on her face… LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME! I’M GREAT… DON’T YOU THINK SO??? Tommy M did’t think so. LOSER!

  14. thechronicman

    I’d gladly give her a pearl necklace.

  15. Gerald_Tarrant

    I agree with Jimbo/Jimbo Troll. I wouldn’t mind choking her with my purple helmeted warrior.

  16. sjp

    tramp. she looks like she’s posing for the cover of a porn video.

    i don’t remember her having such big boobs???

  17. gigi

    wow! Mimi’s heaving bosom is almost in reach of that dude! closer…. closer…!

  18. havoc



  19. Spongebob Gangsta

    They took out Mariah and inserted a Dr Seuss character in pic #3

  20. Kim

    TAKE OFF THE SUNGLASSES YOU ARE INSIDE! I’m so sick of wanna be celebs wearing giant sunglasses everywhere!

  21. SexyV

    HAHAHA she does look like a Who. On the bright side, if guys think she’s hot, with that think oddly shaped mouth and all, I’m a freakin hottie.

  22. She can’t talk with her mouth full… The things I would do to her sexually are likely banned by the UN Human Rights Cummission… When she unzips me it’ll be the Emancipation of RichPort… I’d ride her like a three wheeled SUV on a bumpy road during an earthquake… I’d send her tit doctor a thank you card… I’d unweave then reweave her hair while she was agag with my Mimi choker… I’d eat a crate of celery first to make sure she looked like she was melting when I sprayed her face like eses on Crenshaw when confronted by a rival gang… She makes my D flat a D sharp… I’d ass ream her while pulling her mouth from behind on both sides and make her say rubber baby bumpers with each sordid thrust… I’d chain her to a wall spread eagle in an airport hangar then run all the way across at full speed, fully erect, holding my joint like a pole vaulter while screaming BEEEEOOOTCH…

    And that’s just the first date.

  23. Dick Richards

    Say Mariah was evading a rapist in moronic looking high-heeled pumps and had to scale a chain-linked fence, snagging a breast on one of the metal twists — spliting the breast open — I believe, a giant egg yolk would pour out.

    I hate Cadbury eggs.

  24. Ted from LA

    How romantic.

  25. mariah carey is a weird beast.

  26. I’m hormonal, #15 should NOT be turning me on.

  27. FRT

    I think that Nigel is ready to pop something! He might have the same thought as that rascal Ted from LA…see #1

  28. zane

    “I wouldn’t mind choking her with my purple helmeted warrior.”

    Adrian Peterson?

  29. A

    look at that nice bubble ass she got

  30. Gross. She was hot seven plastic surgeries ago.

  31. #23 I love cadbury eggs

  32. CougarTexas

    She’s such a has-been unfortunately, and I truly was a fan for a long time, a long time ago. Why the fuck did this make news?

    Anyway, she’s still got a hot body, no matter what ya’ll say.

    RichPort, you’re seriously very frightening. Anyone go this page tapped or tracking the posters? This guy is the next contestant on “To Catch a Predator”.

  33. CJ

    beautiful body…butta face.

  34. JagedNS

    I don’t find this skankbag attractive at all. The only thing bigger than those fake tits is her ego.

  35. Morgan

    Oh my god, do you see how her skirt is so tight she can’t even sit up staright w/out showing a her little mini skank? Someone should tell her how friggin’ ridiculous she looks. How is having to sit in a position that makes you look like you’ve got to take a huge dump, make you just look sooo sexy? Silly skank, she deserves the men that are gonna beat her.

  36. moobs

    she used to be “respectable” long time ago

    then she traded that to be an everyday skank like the rest of them.

    well, congrats!

  37. WTB

    Good Lord, she really does think quite a lot of herself, doesn’t she?

  38. g

    she really needs to lose some weight or get bigger gear

  39. MassGrrl

    She looks like a cartoon character.

    And, not just because of her huge tits, because I totally get hot for Pamela Anderson.

  40. boo

    I so agree with #39. I thought Jessica Rabbit when I saw these.

  41. Racer X

    Mariah Carey is soooo-o HOT!!!!

    /would hit it so hard I’d need to use a sick day the next day

  42. ST evec

    she still looks a lot like my childhood role model Curious George

  43. Mama Pinkus


  44. MiCheDa

    that guy is smiling and thinking……….if my fingers were only three inches longer…mmmm or he just caught himself a little afternoon delight!

  45. #32 – Hi CougarTexas Melloncamp!

    I mean c’mon… it’s not like she’s a teenager, I mean she’s a year and a half older than me. It’s not at all like that time I was in Phuket, which I kept mistakenly pronouncing “fuck it”… and I did… the local teens still sing songs in the mountain jungle recanting the girth of RichPort… I’m sure the statute of limitations has passed so I should be good, but anyhoo… it’s just jokes, my dear. I mean, I would ABSOLUTELY let go of her throat when I choke fuck her, in time for her eyes to pop back in their sockets. Then I’d call her a cab (read: bus), because well, let’s face it, I’m a true gentleman.

  46. Cleavage[undecorated]=sad for Mimi…

  47. asscrack

    turn out the lights, apply oil to massive breeeeassssssttttssssss and
    OOOPS!! I promise I won’t ejaculate!!

  48. AnonHatter

    *Laughing. She is ridiculous. De-lus-ional.

  49. Ted from LA

    Syphilis symptoms don’t show up that quickly, but I’m sure a sick day or more would be in your future.

  50. hausfrau

    She’s so very 80′s….
    But at least she looks clean, unlike Britney, who looks like she showers approximately once a week if we’re lucky. God only knows if she’s washed her hair since she got that fantabulous weave. But I digress….I always want to punch Mariah in the face whenever her picture crosses my path.

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