Mariah Carey pwns Elvis

April 3rd, 2008 // 55 Comments

Mariah Carey’s latest single “Touch My Body” just went #1 on the Billboard Singles Chart. This is the 18th single to hit the top spot for Mariah and puts her ahead of Elvis. She’s now only second to The Beatles. But still nowhere near as good as my favorite fictional band from Wayne’s World The Shitty Beatles. The AP reports:

Carey said being in such company was gratifying not only because of her personal success, but what it meant for women and minorities.
“For me, in my mind the accomplishment is just that much sweeter,” she said. “In terms of my ethnicity, always feeling like an outsider, always feeling different … for me it’s about saying, ‘Thank you Lord, for giving me the faith to believe in myself when other people had written me off.’”

By “other people had written her off,” does she mean cracking jokes about her opening KFC’s? Because, seriously, I didn’t mean it. Mariah, please don’t kill me with your piles of bigger-than-Elvis money. I owned your Unplugged album in the 90s. I swear! I even sing “Emotions” when I’m on the can in the employee restroom. Ask my co-worker Bill. He’ll vouch for me. Everyday I make him sit in the next stall and hit the high notes. I’m more of a baritone.

Photos: Splash News
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  1. FAY

    OMG FRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Kat

    I love how she bitches about being “an outsider” due to her “ethnicity” when she lives in America and it’s a giant fucking melting pot. Seriously, when was she ever considered an outsider for her race? Maye because she was a shitty actress, or maybe a pathetic human being, but her race? What a idiot.

  3. Auntie Kryst

    Congratulations to this high yellow bitch. Way to break into the old boys club of pop music.

    On another note, not many posts yet today. All the polemicists hungover from the Montag story?? Randal fucking say something about this tard. Get the ball rolling, I have to go Irish up my coffee.

  4. nipolian

    “Carey said being in such company was gratifying not only because of her personal success, but what it meant for women and minorities”

    Since when are Dr. Suess characters classified as minorities?

  5. nipolian

    SPEAK Randal…..SPEAK!!!!!

  6. themoose

    What a triumph for minorities!!!
    ….wait a minute, she’s black?!

  7. Diana Ross

    yeeeah…sure, Mariah. You’re very very different from everybody else.

  8. zuzuspetals

    This is an inspiring accomplishment- for women, minorities, and outright freaks.

  9. nipolian

    AK – you say that like polemics is a bad thing.

  10. havoc

    And cue the four horsemen. Tell them they’re on in five…..

    .

  11. Ted from LA

    If Elvis didn’t take that shit, I’ll bet he would still be beating her.

  12. lipper

    Don’t say Randall’s name three times. Did you NOT learn anything from Beetlejuice? Sheesh ya freaks!

  13. miggs

    Wow! People buy a lot of shitty music.

  14. 1-Ton

    musical blasphemy……hmph

  15. Auntie Kryst

    Naw Nip, I didn’t mean it like that.. I enjoyed reading all the posts. The back and forth was pretty funny. As for myself, I’m still a member of the Whig party and continue to write in Pat Paulson, so I didn’t get involved.

  16. PunkA

    Not sure who it is buying her albums, but whoever you are, you people have absolutely ZERO taste. You suck her armpits for pleasure, and then try to tell your friends it is great. Some people just have no clue in life.

  17. I thought most top 40 singer WERE women and minorities?? Gee what an accomplishment. It’s unheard of.

    Then again, what do I know? I only listen to good music..

  18. She is TIED with Elvis – who had 18.

    But more importantly – they both crossed over to R&B – which the Beatles never did.

    But the Beatles had more International success.

    Also Elvis and Mariah have been around for decades – the Beatles got all of their 20 #1 in 6 years

    The Supremes also got their 12 #1s in 8 years

  19. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    it stands to reason that people who haven’t figured out how to download music for free would buy Mariah Carey.

  20. nipolian

    Everytime I hear one of her songs on the radio, I swear each time she hits those high notes my balls retract like the landing gear on a 747.

  21. jesse

    The Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?

    /couldn’t resist

  22. observant.as.hell

    I’m still trying to figure out which minority she belongs to…

    stubby women with bad implants? naaaah…plenty of those around…love ya Xtina…

    pop artists that over-sing every note? nope…get in line…

    how about people that act white when it benefits them and then switch to black when also expedient…crap…I think Oprah and Hillary got that covered…

    someone help me out here…

  23. theShizaan

    What does it mean when someone “pwns” another person?

  24. cghnbg

    How dare you use the word “pwn” in this context! It’s not a word that can be tossed around like this!

  25. Nanook of the North

    I thought she was an eskimo? *sticks knife into a slab of seal blubber and holds aloft* Here’s to you Mariah, you go girl! Let’s rub noses sometime.

  26. nipolian

    #23 – It’s computer geek lingo – It’s a derivative of “owns” but since the “p” key is next to the “o” key it is frequently mis-typed.

  27. Don't have a name

    Fish – you’re on your game today….way to make me fall out of my chair with laughter….first the super glue with Ledger and now toilet duets – I love it.

  28. Ever notice that the words daughter and laughter don’t rhyme??

  29. Frist that’s because your daughter is very sad about the life you’ve given her.

  30. jesse

    #21

    They suck!

  31. jesse

    #30

    Oh, so it’s not just a clever name!

  32. Steffi

    She is starting to look like Michael Jackson just look ah her chin and smile!!! Gross!

  33. KillMONTAG

    Since when is America a melting pot? what a piece of shit, its the most segregated country I have ever been to, except South Africa during apartheid.
    Mariah can quit whining though – rich bitch.

  34. Grunion

    Yeah her music is timeless alright. It will live on in elevators for eternity.

  35. RENEE

    God I can’t stand this self centered, talentless bitch. The only reason she became famous and was “discovered” is because she blew Tommy Mottola; got him wrapped around her little finger; married him, got all the inside connections in the music biz, then took half of his money when they divorced. She was probably grossed out the whole time she was with him, but knew it would get her to her goals in the music biz, being famous, etc, etc. Ridiculous.

  36. The Laughing G-d

    Hmm. She has always had a wonderful full ranged voice and I have enjoyed the many “toe-tapping” tunes she has released over the years, good for you Ms. Carey!

  37. jesse

    Hey how bout that hilarious Wayne’s World reference?

  38. Sparqi

    Nice rack.

    The Terminator called..he wants his sunglasses back.

  39. pat

    ahh, yes, Mariah strikes another blow for the downtrodden rich superstars.

  40. sneelok

    Wait, what minority is she? I never knew she considered herself to be so ethnic. I never thought about it and just assumed she was Caucasian-ish.

  41. PunkD

    The music charts are a joke these days. Who actually follows them?

  42. Dirk

    Imagine if those old schoolers had today’s marketing apparatus.

  43. Dame Cooked

    With all that money, couldn’t she buy another dress. Jeesh, she’s been wearing that skin-tight $19 dress from Deb for the past decade!

  44. Loud one

    SHE WAS MUCH BETTER LOOKING WHEN SHE FIRST CAME OUT, SHE GOT FAT AND UGLY

  45. LOUD ONE

    HER FACE IS SO ANNOYING

    HOW DARE SHE WALK AROUND LIKE A PRINCESS WHILE HER OLDER SISTER IS DYING OF AIDS AND STILL SELLING HER BODY TO COVER HER DRUG HABBIT,

    WHY ISN’T SHE USING HER MILLIONS TO HELP HER SISTER,

    PS, I THINK MARIAH CAREY IS A TRANNY

  46. SANJYA VAGINA

    HER FACE IS SO ANNOYING

    HOW DARE SHE WALK AROUND LIKE A PRINCESS WHILE HER OLDER SISTER IS DYING OF AIDS AND STILL SELLING HER BODY TO COVER HER DRUG HABBIT,

    WHY ISN’T SHE USING HER MILLIONS TO HELP HER SISTER,

    PS, I THINK MARIAH CAREY IS A TRANNY

  47. mfbinc

    At one time Elvis had 18 #1 hits but then a few years ago billboard changed the criteria of what constituted a #1 hit. They went back and applied it to past hits and found that Elvis only had 17 with the new system. I say, bullshit!!!! Ya can’t take away a man’s #1 hit after the fact!!!!!!

  48. frankin

    She is very sexy!!! every time i signed in a millionarie dating site called meetingwealthy.c o m , there were always many men talking about her how sexy and pretty … It is said she is dating friends there.

  49. mariahisawhore

    If I’m not mistaken, Madonna has beaten out both Elvis and the Beatles for most #1′s. I’m just sayin’….

  50. Chris S.

    Interestingly, the Shitty Beatles are or were a real band! It was an alternate name for the Drs. For Wotan, and existed before the Wayne’s World reference to them.

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