Mariah Carey offers her diet secrets! Don’t miss!

April 14th, 2008 // 29 Comments

Mariah Carey will appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show today to show off her amazing diet secrets. Turns out it’s as easy as hiring your own personal chef while you stand around your kitchen like a moron. Get out! Here I was deep-frying entire pints of Ben & Jerry’s. Ha! I was way off.

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  1. I thought her dieting secrets included purging and liposuction….. shows you what I know.

  2. Grunion

    Good cause Oprah could use some diet tips.

  3. Pokey McSlapp

    So Bulemia is a diet tip? Who knew?

  4. mer

    Look at those eyes. Simply insane.

  5. noyb

    she’s echoing everything her slave, oops i meant cook is saying!
    she’s stupid! PERIOD!

  6. ash

    Thank you Mariah, for that. We don’t hear enough of what we CAN’T eat when dieting…. your an idiot.

  7. FromOutOfNoWhere

    I don’t get it. We had our own personal chef since I was way knee little. We called her ma and grandma. We ate healthy just like rich white folks,

    Protein
    barbecue chicken
    barbeque squirell
    barbeque pork chops

    Carbs,
    Tater salad
    Collard Green with fat back
    black eyed peas
    corn on the cob with butter

    Fruit
    Watermelon

    Drink,
    Water

  8. Jumpin_J

    The only reason she’s on is to pimp her new album. I’m not going to tell you the name except the title is retarded and she hasn’t given me my cut yet. Remember, pimpin ain’t easy.

    And Fish (Phish?), you got to get on top of the spamming situation. Entries like #2 are really effin annoying.

  9. I’m hungry already. Is it time for my 12 o’clock crouton?
    I need to eat.
    I’m going to http://do1t.net

  10. Ted from LA

    I read she offered Oprah a bite of an appetizer and The Big O accidentally chewed off one of her fingers. What a crying shame. Please pray for her speedy recovery and remember to not feed the bears.

  11. Auntie Kryst

    @11 Oprah took the term lady finger too literally.

    I was told the story went on to say that the pain caused by the bite made Mariah howl out in an octave several degrees above high C.. Downtown Chicago was apparently paralyzed with glass shattering within a 15 block radius of Harpo studios.

  12. hnb

    word NoYB.

    Mariah
    I’m really sorry, but you are painfully lame. Do you remember ‘dreamlover’ or ‘vision of love’? Do you remember when you were kind of respectable, and not just a r. kelly-like-talk-a-long song machine? I do. I miss that Mariah. I miss the Mariah that wasn’t covered in platinum butterfly…everything. I miss the Mariah that hit high notes in songs because she could and not because a rap hit collaboration isn’t a Vibe five mic hit without it.

    Just sayin’, I miss Mariah.

    HNB

  13. jet

    What an idiot.
    Mariah, give it up.
    Oprah, why are you showing this kind of crap?

  14. TrulyJulie

    I agree with HNB!
    On another not this “secret” to her diet is a joke. Get effin real here people! God, these celebrities make me so sick.

  15. Hannah T

    I just wasted 3 minutes of my life on that.

    *goes to put head in oven*

  16. G

    she’s a downright idiot.

  17. robert

    she is sweet.My friend told me that she saw her profile with hot photos on _____i n t i m a t e m i n g l e .c om_______. Is that true? Maybe… OMG, is she looking for new relationships? I’ll check it out.

  18. monkeyfightclub

    without having to see that I can image that the secret to any Mariah Carey diet is sausage gravy. Lots of sausage gravy.

  19. cookie monsta

    Mariah? I woulda picked her as the insect eating type fo’ sho …

  20. Can I have a strawberry? Let’s see a strawberry. I can’t spell strawberry, but I can eat one. I have a seperate closet for my panties. I’m a douche. Can I have a strawberry. Mariah is smart with a capital ASSFACE.

  21. King Wang

    Ok, straight up, I read “Mariah Carey” and said “Fuck me, not another article on a washed up wannabe that never was, except maybe back in the late 80′s, or whenever, since no one gave a fuck about her anyway”.

    Her offering Diet Tips is like Oprah offering child rearing advice, or Dr. Phil trying to help……..Britney Spears.

    In other words: Fucking Stupid.

    Her “Diet Advice” came from the personal trainer she slept with, in order to get free Diet Advice so she could sell it. Obviously because she never had a career.

    Exactly why I would go on Oprah too as the “everyday woman” who knows how to swim from Cuba………shit, that was Gloria Estafan.

    My bad………

    She is still a 3rd rate Sausage Wallet for Diet Technicians. You just KNOW this bitch is hitting the Universities giving out THAT coochie for the info……

  22. What would have been really funny is if instead of asking for a strawberry, Mariah had a breakdown and went for the jugular, “You BITCH! GIve me those FUCK-ING STEAK-UMS NOW!!!!” To which the personal chef would answer, “But, Mariah they’re 400 calories per steak-ummmmmmm.” And as she’d pass out onto the floor, Mariah would gorge out over her body.

  23. me

    i can’t imagine living with all those people in my house. i would go nuts. no friggin privacy. cooks in the kitchen butlers walking around. maids here and there. uggg, how the hell do you walk around naked and enjoy yourself with your man when you have all these people in the house? i guess money can’t buy you privacy or peace and quiet.

  24. brook

    Thanks Mariah, for repeating everything your cook said. I really needed to hear everything TWICE.

  25. Moo

    someone hold me back im gonna kill her!!! grrrrr whats with the stupid diva hands?

  26. Julien

    Wow – everyone is so mmmmmmmean…. Hmmmm. I thought she was great, looked great, sounded great, very inspiring. Peaceful, nice, kind… didn’t seem nervous. Why is everyone so down on her? What’d I miss? I’m off to download her new album.

  27. Karl

    She’s doing what everyone else does in Hollywood : Hired a Chef and Personal Trainer.

    I don’t get why you react this way to the video, there are SO many untalented famous people around nowadays that real singers like Mariah should be pretty much adored by everyone. She looks great, whatever she’s doing works.

  28. Jessica

    Wow she’s kinda… annoying

  29. Jaxx

    I repeat: Mariah Carey is only the higest selling female recording artist of all time. You should all get jobs. Maybe if you worked hard…made something of yourselfs…accomplished positive things for yourselfs and others, you wouldn’t grow old and obese ragging on people who are in the public eye. Stop wasting time. Join the campaign to take down Wal-Mart , join a human rights group or animal activist group. Take steps to improve the environmental situation. I just saying…there is a real world out there that doesn’t involve clicking a mouse and talking shit. (Typing shit). “It’s time to migrate…bye”.

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