Here’s a quick question for you: say you’ve put on some weight recently. You barely fit in your clothes. When you’re having dinner people ask if you’re “eating for two.” Do you then a) hit the gym, b) draw some fake abs on your bean-bag stomach, or c) shovel food down your face so fast that you need a bib, and then publicize this fact. If you chose c, you and Mariah Carey should get together, because she told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper: “I’m so excited to get in bed, watch movies and eat. I joke that I need a bib because I’m such a messy eater.” She added: “At a restaurant people are looking at you so when I’m in private I eat like a two-year-old.”
I think what she meant to say is “when I’m in private I eat two-year olds. By the dozen.” Which I’m not entirely against since, despite being soft and squishy, she now has ginormous boobs. Which, I’m assuming, are also soft and squishy.