Mariah Carey is out of her mind

January 8th, 2007 // 105 Comments

Mariah Carey tells V magazine that she keeps twenty humidifiers around her bed and that if she appears too sexy in pictures it’s not her fault. She says:

“Literally I’ll have twenty humidifiers around the bed. Basically it’s like sleeping in a steam room. The bed is all terry-cloth, the ceiling is pitched so the water can’t fall on my head, and it drips down to my side, and the TV is behind glass.”

Carey, who is known for her provocative on-and-off-stage outfits, also discussed her sexy image – and blamed the media.

“I think that a lot of women are just trying to live up to the stereotypes and to the standard that’s set on TV and in magazines, which is airbrushed women who weigh 3 pounds. And it’s not fair. It’s not easy. But everybody gets really protective of me. They’re, like, ‘Be less sexy.’” She said that if she overdoes the sexy look “it’s not intentional – if you film my body a certain way, it’s gonna look like a certain way. But honestly, I’ve been the same way since I was a little kid. Like, I’m just emulating whatever’s on a magazine.”

I suspect either Mariah Carey’s maids replaced all her mirrors with life-sized posters of Cindy Crawford or she’s confused the definitions of “sexy” and “obese” again. She definitely needs to be less of a lot of things but “sexy” doesn’t even make the top five. Although “hungry” is probably up there. As is “looking like a plus-size model.”


  1. therapture

    She’s just another over egotistical cunt that squeaks most of her “songs”…she really needs to get over herself.

  2. MrSemprini

    I’d buy it for a dollar…

  3. lilyness

    True she looks very cheap and slutty but she is not that fat and at least she is not anorexic like so many others.

  4. Celetina

    I don’t think it’s her body size that’s the problem so much as the fact that she dresses like she’s at least 30 pounds lighter. One of the most important parts of being sexy is knowing how to work it, and she “works it” like she’s trying to stuff a Christmas ham into a Barbie bra.

  5. woodhorse

    she could be one of Duece Bigalow’s clients – oh wait, they already did that one – the big fat one that asks Duece if he’d like to be a matchstick in her volcano….

  6. Jack Valentine

    Wow, slow news week if this is all that floats to the top of the lake

  7. I’m noticing the Fish has been putting up his posts a little earlier nowadays.

    Getting scared Fishy?

    Gravy train pulling out without you ?

    Losing that fan base huh?


    Your days are number Superficial.

  8. I can’t believe that there was a time in my life when I gave two shits about this pathetic site.

  9. Don’t get me wrong.

    This site was good… once upon a time.

    That time has now past.

    There are bigger “Fish” to fry!

  10. “But everybody gets really protective of me. They’re, like, ‘Be less of an asshole.’ If I call someone a egomanical retard, it’s not intentional – if you read my comment a certain way, it’s gonna sound a certain way. But honestly, I’ve been the same way since I was a little kid. Like, I’m just emulating whatever’s on the Superfish.”

  11. BarbadoSlim

    Tranny 101:

    You’ve gotta suck in that gut.

  12. fame is funny

    And seriously, whats up with that outfit? It looks like deep space, a Crisco planet is trying to escape a black hole…with singing.

  13. RichPort

    I have just what Mariah needs… my special sanity injector. It’s in my pants and orally operated. I’ll bang some sense into her.

  14. AmberDextrose

    Sycophantic Hired Help: “Erm, Mariah, could you like, erm, Be Less Sexy, sweetie.”

    Translation: “Sister’s goin out looking like a cheap fat whore again: don’t let her see any newspapers for a few days.”

    If she’s been dressing like this since she was a kid, how come it’s her sister who’s the AIDs-infected ex-hooker. Has anyone seen the two of ‘em at the same time?

  15. fame is funny

    Ever seen a wax sculpture of a famous person in their prime, but it’s kind of an old sculpture, and the wax has been under the lights and yellowed it some, and the wax has gotten kind of lumpy?

    I have, it’s in the picture at the top of the page.

  16. sar

    Since when did that become obese?

    This site always makes fun of Nicole Richie and Mary Kate Olsen for being too skinny, and now Mariah Carey (who looks pretty healthy and is not an anorexic twig) is obese?

    I’m disappointed.

  17. DieFrau

    Mooooooo that’s all I hear when I look at Mariah, she’s one fat cow, damn!

  18. Mr Fish,
    Did you just hear that sound?

    I think it was…

    Yes, it definitely was…

    … a “PLICK”

    theSuperficial has just faded to black.

  19. meat-tulip

    Someone didn’t get his ferret cock today…

  20. meat-tulip

    Or is it Mint-Julip?
    Or perhaps Wrap-Your-Two-lips (around my cock)


    You had better watch yourself BOY, I play dirty.

  21. meat-tulip

    Real FUCKIN’ dirty!!!

  22. meat-tulip

    Cry me a river, loser.

    The only thing you’ve done on this site, brain boy, is try to ingratiate yourself with the old timers.

    Now tell me that you’re gonna get all your friends and gang up on me. But could you try and be funny just this once?

  23. lattygirl

    Way too sexy.

    Remind me to go throw up later.

  24. If I do or if I don’t, you are not worth arguing with.

    I’m through with you.

    *Wipes dick on meat-tulips curtains before leaving the room*

  25. cole007

    No one that age – and I mean NO ONE should be singing on stage in a pair of man-panties with glitter and a matching bra 2 sizes too small.

    Trannie outfit yes – add a cape, and it’s crazy.

    Tommy Motola really did a number on this chick. It’s too bad, she could have tried to be more classy.

  26. jrzmommy

    the thing about Mariah is that you know she’s loaded yet her clothes look like they’re from Forever 21 or another one of those skanky mall stores. You can take the girl out of Long Island, but………….

  27. RichPort

    Apparently not being funny is a requirement of posting as meat-tulip. Or Ass Troll. Or Fake Ferret, Fake RichPort, Fake Italian Stallion, Fake Biatcho or Fake Everyone Else. Good job… stupid fucking name, but good job.

  28. It’d be a shame if all the remaining regulars left the Fish. We’ve only recently developed an understanding of your very “funny” behavior. You’ll be missed.

  29. Don’t you have to have a mind before you can lose it?

    katie holmes may be regretting marrying tom cruise over at crabbie’s

  30. With all those humidifiers in her room Mariah must prefer cigar dildoes or she grows her own bread. Every morning, the yeast in her pudgy puss rises in the dampness. She probably scrapes it out, chucks it in a toaster oven, and has buttered scones for breakfast.

  31. RunningWithCarsAndBoysWithScissors

    jesus christ
    i love the superficial. but sometimes it’s so goddamn negative. Just because Mariah doesn’t have stick thighs and a jutting jaw doesn’t mean she’s obese. Look at her- it’s all muscle, dumbfuck.

  32. libtard

    #38, Surely a superior sort like yourself can figure out a way to move along to another site you like better. This one sucks, used to be better, had better posters, et al. You don’t deserve this and shouldn’t put up with it for another moment!

  33. libtard

    Apologies to #38, the comment was directed toward brain embolism @32

  34. Binky

    Sounds like if you ever sleep with this woman – drowning is a possibility.

  35. cole007

    As an aside, that can’t be safe to sleep in that much moisture. Maybe she’ll get malaria, or yellow jungle fever?

  36. BarbadoSlim

    @42 yeah, drowning in lard, thank you for that.

    *looks up therapists number

  37. libtard

    Funny, I have used those exact same words to keep a chubby friend from going out of the house looking like an idiot. Why don’t you dress less sexy is right up there with: but you look SO GOOD in solid black. No, she’s not fat but she IS too fat for this. And too old. And why is she singing in a bra and boyshorts? And where has her fucking neck went off to? And when is she going to cut off some of that hair? And why do I always think of Amy Fisher whenever I look at her?

  38. Italian Stallion

    I think Mariah should go back to movie roles. When she swallowed Pinocchio and Geppetto on the raft, man, that was some funny shit right there…………..

  39. I LOVE it when Uber-Skanks think that they are dressing sexy by emulating the hookers down at the Point in the Bronx.

    I have news for you ladies, those hookers aren’t trying to dress “Sexy” they are trying to let passing cars know that they will let you fuck them for $5.00. THAT is what Mariah Carey looks like. She WOULD look sexy if she put on something that didn’t look like she was the fat sister jealous because daddy wasn’t coming into her room at night.

    Seriously, she looks so desperately attention hungry that I have the feeling if she ever went to a funeral she would think that the woman in the coffin was a bitch for getting all the attention.

  40. libtard


    Well said, except for the part where she sits through the funeral all smug because she looks better than the corpse.

  41. BarbadoSlim

    9 out 10 cows agree, she’s a cow, the other one was grazing and couldn’t be reached for comment.

  42. ToiletDuck

    Poor thing, what a horrible problem, she is “too sexy” – oh dear, shouldn’t we have a telethon for her or something??

  43. Okay she’s not obese but she sure shouldn’t be wearing a bikini around to sing in. And she ain’t all that, so she needs to get off of her high horse because she’s not sexy. At. ALL.

  44. schadenfreudelicious

    Does this broad ever appear in public wearing anything but a big ole brassiere and a pair of wreslin’ trunks? Put some damn clothes on already….

  45. CourtneyJade

    christ is this shit for real?!?!?!?!?! oh how i hope so! i never get tired of watching celebs slowly go insane. wasn’t there a story a few years ago about her having assistants cut the fat girl tags out of her clothes and replace them with smaller ones? thank you mariah. a warped self image and surrounding yourself with idiotic people that cater to your insanity is a surefire recipe for disaster. we can only hope the debacle plays out in the media.

  46. here

    Sexy little hog. Freak factor is high – probably hangs with Pope Ratzinger. Appears to be made of pizza.

  47. Man.. what are you babling about? :))

  48. Niecy

    Mariah, there is a difference between being sexy and dressing like a cheap hooker. Especially when all of your fat is hanging out.

  49. wedgeone

    #38 OMG . . . erp . . . bleeech!!
    Thanks for the image

    *wipes vomit from desk into garbage can*

    now everyone here at work thinks that I have the flu, so I get the rest of the day off!

    I’ll need all of that time to scrape the image of Mariah’s doughy puddin’ pies out of my brain!

    uh-oh … bleeeech!! BRRRRRRAAAAAAPP!

    BTW – she’s too old and too thick to wear those clothes. Give em to Scarlett J. & move along Mariah.

  50. Kristin

    Lmfao @ # 6. =]

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