Mariah Carey: I’m not retarded, there’s a prenup

Prenuptial agreements are a gift from God. Basically, they let you try out this crazy marriage thing then sober up, realize you made a gigantic mistake and still keep all your cash. They’re greeaat! So great, in fact, that Mariah Carey made sure to have one in place before eloping with Nick Cannon, according to FOX News:

Mariah apparently told a mutual pal of ours: “Anyone who thinks we didn’t have a prenup is smoking something!”
This is not the Mariah Carey of old. She is a smart, smart businesswoman. For example: Post-Tommy Mottola, Carey nabbed $50 million from her short-lived deal with Virgin Records. After “Glitter,” they just paid her all that to walk away!

There’s nothing like starting a life-long commitment by saying to each other, “If this thing doesn’t work, you ain’t getting my cash.” Which is, coincidentally, the same thing I said last night to a hooker before soliciting her services. Of course, her pimp decided to not honor our verbal agreement and implied that I should pay or be litigated in the nut sack – with a crowbar. That guy should really open his own law firm. He’s savvy.