Mariah Carey: I’m not retarded, there’s a prenup

May 6th, 2008 // 30 Comments

Prenuptial agreements are a gift from God. Basically, they let you try out this crazy marriage thing then sober up, realize you made a gigantic mistake and still keep all your cash. They’re greeaat! So great, in fact, that Mariah Carey made sure to have one in place before eloping with Nick Cannon, according to FOX News:

Mariah apparently told a mutual pal of ours: “Anyone who thinks we didn’t have a prenup is smoking something!”
This is not the Mariah Carey of old. She is a smart, smart businesswoman. For example: Post-Tommy Mottola, Carey nabbed $50 million from her short-lived deal with Virgin Records. After “Glitter,” they just paid her all that to walk away!

There’s nothing like starting a life-long commitment by saying to each other, “If this thing doesn’t work, you ain’t getting my cash.” Which is, coincidentally, the same thing I said last night to a hooker before soliciting her services. Of course, her pimp decided to not honor our verbal agreement and implied that I should pay or be litigated in the nut sack – with a crowbar. That guy should really open his own law firm. He’s savvy.


  1. Bmurphy72Bmurphy72

    Yep would still do her…..

  2. Stoney


  3. busty

    i love those breasts.

  4. eh

    lol this bitch needs to die, i hate her voice, and no i dont want to touch her ugly skanky body.

  5. Mitch

    “After “Glitter,” they just paid her all that to walk away!”

    Yes, that type of regard is definitely something to strive for.

  6. renez

    prenunp, postnup both work… i hope NiNi was smart enough to make sure in that prenup MiMi gives him some $$$ for the time he spends in this union.

  7. veggi

    Irregardlessly, I could care less..

  8. I’d like to make her neck glitter… with my abstract rendition of a pearl necklace.

  9. Ed

    I can’t believe he’s marrying her, he’s such a looser. If I was her, I’d want a prenup to. Their going to break up after a few years anyways. I wonder if she’ll keep the ring, being that its nice but he gave it to that other one, first.

  10. Alice

    I wish she’d ease off the “Red Sun Monkey” makeup.

  11. Just Sayin'

    I wonder if she feels violated now that she’s had a baby……

  12. Spazz

    How the fuck do these 2 even meet and have that first date?
    I cant even imagine. Sure those cans are nice but not with all the related baggage. There are plenty of great tits out there. RUN NICK….RUN….

  13. alex troy

    what is “irregardlessly?”

  14. They White Urkle

    I would titty pump her and glitter her face.

  15. veggi

    13- a joke.. see, could care less…… ak, nevermind..

    apparently a bad one..

  16. FromOutOfNoWhere

    Doesn’t matter if you’re rich or not, I think every marriage should have a pre-nup, so you can at least spell out what you expect in the marriage and hey, what you get or don’t get after wards.

    Not having sex seven days a week and plus when I want it is grounds for divorce.
    I don’t care if your mother is sitting in the front seat between us, I that’s no excuse for your wife not to give you road head.
    Also no alimony period.
    If you cheat you get nothing, not even the clothes I bought you.
    Also you get the kids with no child support
    I get the family pit bull
    I also get the mother in law, the pit bull needs a chew toy.

  17. He may not get the cash, but he gets to play with those fun bags all day long. That is worth a prenup any day of the week..

  18. hanshotfirst

    And this proves that she’s not retarded how?

  19. dragon43078

    #7 &15.. I’ve read the comics. I get it. I would still like to do her once just to see the entire package.

  20. renez

    LOL at #11 hmm i wonder if ???

  21. ToTellTheTruth

    I can’t even believe she married such an immature guy such as HIM. I bet it doesn’t last long..

  22. bootlips

    How does marrying a porch monkey further your career?

  23. Harry Bllzack

    Not only does her singing send my schnauser into the closet howling in pain (and my ears itch also) But she’s creepy looking. Like a marionett

  24. Harry Bllzack

    Not only does her singing send my schnauser into the closet howling in pain (and my ears itch also) But she’s creepy looking. Like a marionette

  25. Sunflower

    #21, she married someone immature to make herself feel more mature. Guess the huge fake boobs don’t boost her morale anymore…..

  26. STeve

    She’s still looking very chimpy like her cartoon twin Curious George

  27. STeve

    She’s still looking very chimpy like her cartoon twin Curious George

  28. OMG, she looks so hot. It seems that girl is dating online now. I saw her profile on dating site “W e a l t h y lo v I n g . c o m” last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.

  29. Anal Fistula

    i bet those labia are like tent flaps

  30. Wiser

    I’m really sorry, but prenups are not a gift from God; it’s taking the blessings of marriage and preparing for failure.

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