Mariah Carey has hard nipples

June 7th, 2006 // 404 Comments

  1. ob1

    who don’t. First

  2. ob1

    those two brothers are staring right at dem titties too.

  3. JoBOO


  4. ob1

    So sorry #3. You need to stop using dial-up.

  5. downshine

    wow. she should make sure she looks sexy enough before she goes strutting down the streets of NY with her ass hanging out.


  6. Jacq

    It’d be funny if her dress fell off and exposed two little googly eyes glued to what appear to be silver dollar pancakes.

  7. CHUD

    her dog looks embarassed.

  8. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Mariah’s niples would be suitable for cutting soft butter and cheese whereas mine are more appropriate for carving stone and cutting diamonds, and the occasional metal sautering. Not to brag, or anything.

  9. Jacq

    Mariah makes me feel like Nazi Germany. I do not likey her.

  10. bxmona

    Don’t y’all know that perpetually hard nipples come with fake tits? Classic sign.

  11. jane's eyre

    pff. She’s got nothing on mine. Mine will poke your eye out.


    #7 that’s a funny visual.

  12. Jacq

    #9 – High and tight, right? The truth is the truth…

  13. waterranger

    Wow, Mariah. You are adorable in your heels with your dog… posing for the camera’s. I just hope she has someone to walk that poor dog for real! You know the saying :if your fat, then your dog isnt getting enough exercise.

    or is it the other way around? whatever. Mariah is fat.

  14. jane's eyre

    Her forehead looks like buddha’s.

  15. Italian Stallion

    She’s still kind of hot for a Halfrican…..

  16. Fugurself

    Can silicone be recycled, or will we have to deal with mounds of hazardous waste when all these boobs turn 70?

  17. jane's eyre

    Ha HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I just figured out who the guy is in the 5th picture (the one standing reeeaally close to her butt)–it’s that brotha from the Pepsi commercial-

    “Now, this is how I roll!”

    See the pepsi truck in the background?

  18. She should really consider bangs. Her huge forehead is disturbing.

  19. sweetcheeks

    I knew this stripper whose sexy secret was rubbing Ben-Gay on her nipples to keep them hard. It really works, but you’ll smell like an old man for the next six hours. An old man with rock-hard nipples.

    On the upside, after applying the Ben Gay, I had a Big Boy Breakfast at the Cracker Barrel and spent the rest of the afternoon shaking my fist at teenage hooligans. Then I complained about the size of newspaper print and urinated in my pants.

  20. pinky_nip

    My nipples get so hard and long, you can hang a winter coat on them.

  21. God she pisses me off!! I hate fat chics that think they are hot! How can you gain 20lbs and not realize it! THen she still trys to wear her size 2 dress even though she is now a size 12. Any guy that thinks she looks good is cleary a buffalo hunter.

  22. tinkerbelle

    she’s a Tex Avery cartoon.
    I luv Jacq, ob1 and osh – osh, btw, it’s soldering … unless you’re cooking with your nips. and then again, I’m wrong.

  23. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    20 – That’s weird, I also had breakfast at the Cracker Barrel after apply Ben Gay to my nipples. It was about five in the morning, and I could hardly eat my eggs because I kept getting glitter on them and I had the shakes really bad from the ecstacy. I think I saw you there – didn’t you call me a dirty harlot after my friend Savannah threw up on your USA Today? Incidentally, I think that was the problem – not the size of the print.
    But back to Mariah and her subtle fashion tastes…

  24. Walnuts

    I don’t know about you guys…but I’m not fucking around with Mariah. Those are 2 bad ass mean looking NIGGAZ protecting her.

  25. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    23 – You can cook metal, duh.

    It’s delicious at 5 in the morning at the Cracker Barrel.

  26. jane's eyre

    My nipples get so hard and long, you can see them on Google Earth.

  27. BestNameEver

    Give Mariah’s tittays a break! She’s just excited.

    She is such a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.

  28. lycraspandex


  29. jane's eyre

    Ew, that’s so creepy, guys. Look at the Amex ad on the right. What’s wrong with that person’s feet? They have a severe case of foot rot, it looks like.

  30. jane's eyre

    Damn, those tricksy ads! It disappeared.


    Breathe, already. Hold stomach in, stick chest out…She always looks like she is so uncomfortable it must be a lot for her to do all at once.

  32. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    My nipples are so hard I have to reinforce my bras with titanium. Wow that’s really fucking hard, isn’t it? Fuck yeah.

  33. frenchtoaststix

    Not only pokey, but uneven! Look at photo #1! They are totally pointing in different directions. Ugh. I need to take an aspirin…

  34. sweetcheeks

    I think her boobs are looking at something off to the right.

  35. Celetina

    Why does she walk like that? It reminds me of Paris Hilton’s “EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME” posture, or a little girl’s idea of how a model walks. It would be cute if she were, say, five, but this makes me embarrassed to look at her.

  36. BarbadoSlim

    I sometimes wonder if this fake ass bitch even wipes her ass after she takes a shit.

  37. mrs.t

    Wow, those heels are totally helping the fact that she’s a dwarf.

    Fucking short people.

  38. mrs.t

    And, ny nipples are so hard that scientists took a sample of one and use it to create a new, stronger form of titanium.

  39. You know damn well she has that dog trained to fuck her with its tail. Crazy skeeze.

  40. mrs.t


  41. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    39 – tittyanium?

  42. Ez-EEEE

    anyone get a load of #22′s myspace. hahaha.
    wait, i mean uh…. youre cool, boredblonde.

  43. mrs.t

    *my*….damn kids and their needs fucking up my typing skills. Yes, I’m Mother of the Year.

  44. mrs.t

    Osh: NIce, get that added to the periodic chart, stat.

  45. mrs.t

    And, EZ-EEEEE, I DID get a load of that myspace. I was so embarassed for her that I couldn’t even comment.

  46. mrs.t

    I’m leaving. I clearly cannot type with tiny monkeys pulling on my arms, and I certainly can’t spend the next 20 minutes amending my myriad fuckups.

  47. BarbadoSlim

    #43…agreed on that, of course you realize that like 99% of internet participants “she” might really be a 400 pound albino named Bill…

  48. ob1

    Ah, give boreblonde a break. She might actually be do-able if she stopped putting her make-up on with a spray can.

  49. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    wait, someone said something about BoredBlonde before I did? I was biding my time, dammit! Oh well.
    Hey, BoredBlonde, smiling is an expression of joy, not something your friendly doctor injects in your face to make you bare your teeth.
    Ah, I feel better already.

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