Mariah Carey gets perfume

April 7th, 2006 // 62 Comments

mariah-carey-perfume.jpgIf you own any Elizabeth Arden stock, now would be a good time to sell. They’ve given Mariah Carey her own fragrance which is expected to be released next year. The chairman and chief executive of Elizabeth Arden says:

“We are thrilled to begin this partnership with Mariah Carey. She is, unquestionably, a star of incredible magnitude. All over the world, people aspire to the values she represents. We look forward to launching an inspiring new global fragrance brand with Mariah that will be a timeless classic.”

Well they’re right about her “magnitude,” but I’m not sure what values it is she represents. Eating? Sleeping? Maybe being so lazy she needs assistants to feed her. Yeah, I guess those are values I can aspire to.

superficial

  1. tits_on_snack

    I bet it smells like bacon and crazy.

  2. CoJo

    I wonder if the bottle comes with someone to spray it onto your fat lazy ass.

  3. BEAM

    From the photo it looks like she’s morphing into Michael Jackson

  4. sweetcheeks

    # 1 — bacon and crazy, with a subtle undernote of anti-chafing powder.

  5. BigJim

    I think it smells like three-day-old Fez spooge mixed with ho juice.

    Now that’s nasty.

  6. is that Urkel in the background?

  7. I bet it smells like HoneyBaked Ham. Yum.

  8. ziggurat

    Hey, man. Mariah Carey is hot. All of you would tap that, given the opportunity.

  9. Wi_Screenwriter

    Cool, Mariah has a perfume. Now i’ll know what skank smells like.

  10. beachedwhale

    No. It smells like diva and doughnuts.

  11. sweetcheeks

    #8 — hot? I think what you meant is that it’s ALWAYS HOT between Mariah’s legs. And her stomach rolls and giant, lumbering bosom. You see, the constant chafing of skin against skin creates heat; it’s a scientific principle having to do with resistance and transfer of ions. Complicated.

  12. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    “The new fragrance will be named “Glitter”, in honor of her blockbuster movie debut that marked her launch into a successful movie career.”

    No?

    Just a thought.

  13. whackjob

    “bacon and crazy”, that’s funny.

    The lead-in reminded me of the old joke (which, though I love women and am married to one, makes me laugh every time, especially when I hear a woman tell it)

    Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
    Because they’re ugly and they stink.

    yes. I am still in the fifth grade, it’s a wonderful place to hide. nice weekend ya’ll.

  14. We here at Elizabeth Arden are proud to announce the release of “Mariah” a perfume with all the joy, the playfulness, the coy ambition of six vicodin tablets dissolving in the remainder of last nights vodka.

  15. okiedoke

    “All over the world, people aspire to the values she represents.”

    You gotta be friggin kidding me.

  16. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    P.S.
    “The new fragrance will have porkrind overtones with subtle notes of Big Mac. The bottle will be formed to look like a woman’s torso, complete with airbrushed abs.”

  17. my_glorious_lawn

    More celebrity fragrances, yikes! If I want to smell like a celebrity I can smell my armpits you know.

  18. Populist

    #15, Unfortunately, people “All over the world”
    do aspire to egocentrism and self-indulgence.
    And lots and lots of food. And money. To buy food.

  19. zachgraham

    I bet it will double as non-stick frying pan spray or thigh grease.

  20. Dr.Rokter

    #1 Hee, hee. That’s funny.

    #8 I wouldn’t “tap that” with a triple-ply lead codpiece on.

  21. gogoboots

    I’m assuming people are aspiring to the values that Mariah supposedly represents as being a crazy “diva” who dresses like she’s a 20 year old slut.

  22. Italian Stallion

    I didn’t no you could wear Spam and call it perfume, good to know…….

    Am I having one of my crazy flashbacks or does she really look like she’s getting made up for a peformance in “Cat’s”. She did already show us her pussy, just thought that their was a connection there…..

  23. Italian Stallion

    I didn’t no Rocky Dennis got his hair done at that salon…..

    Another flashback I guess…..no wait it is him…..

  24. BarbadoSlim

    I wouldn’t hit that with Pink’s dick.

    And on a related matter, the Associated Press is reporting that Tom Cruise, of Days of Thunder fame is loving the Cock.

  25. imabeeatch

    Musk of pussinfestedcuntbubble

  26. gogoboots

    I was reading an article somewhere about Mariah and the reporter mentioned the fact that she ate two spoonfuls of soup during the interview and that was it. So I think she’s more of a food waster than a food eater.

  27. Italian Stallion

    #23 It’s *know* not *no*, you fucking illiterate bastard…..Do us all a favor and learn proper engrish or don’t post on this site W.O.P !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. ppp

    here’s a preview of what her perfume bottle will look like:

    http://www.be-fitshop.nl/images/extras_pam_cooking.jpg.gif

  29. BarbadoSlim

    You tell him Starrion, yeah he should learn proper engrish!!!!

  30. SMells like a 11 year old girl in Hello Kitty gear.

  31. missmaiden

    ever notice how she only takes photos of the right side of her face? take a look, she must have a goiter on the other side, or maybe thats where the hose is attached that pumps up her ample bossum.

  32. aimatcha

    Eww de Toilet.

  33. senin

    What’s it called? Eau de ‘ho??

  34. Nimuë LaMer

    Eau de Put-some-fucking-clothes-on-you-skankyywhore.

  35. ebayfan414

    I wonder if her perfume will be non-stick? It would be great for baking!

  36. canucthis

    I’d throw a leg in it!

  37. haven’t you people been following the superfictal stories lately…it’s going to smell like shaved beaver…kinda like sharon stones breath….

  38. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Eau de Chickensofttaco et Summersevefailedusmiserably.

  39. CheekyChops

    #2 HAHAHA!! It could smell like coochie and Mariah probably wouldn’t even know. I don’t think these people have anything to say about the smell of what their name is being put on. Like Paris’ stuff. Smells like piss after a heavy night of partying IMO.

  40. Erienne

    Oshkosh-I was just answering a telephone at work when I read your Chickensofttaco comment and I almost wet myself and DID embarass myself by snorting hysterically on the phone. You are a funny bitch, you know that? Keep it up. I’m having way too much fun at work reading Superfish.

  41. Trotter

    #11 Sweetcheeks, I agree. She’s got a whole sourdough bakery in there… The scent is definited rising dough and burnt crust.

  42. Star Maker Machinery

    In the words of Aerosmith: “Dude looks like a lady.”

  43. Pez_D_Spencer

    Equal parts nembutal, xanax, and hypnotiq? Or perhaps an herbal/spice blend? Like, say, 11 herbs and spices, just like KFC.

    Nope, nope. Equal parts hopsital disinfectant and lard. That’s gotta be it.

  44. does this fragrance make you fat, lazy, and obnoxious?

  45. Dee

    great….whats next??? one of those lovely statues that Brit Brit got in her honor??

  46. sweetcheeks

    Somebody PLEASE explain to me how Mariah recovered from “Glitter” and DOCUMENTED PSYCHOSIS unscathed!!!! There’s a crazy lady downtown who lives by the courthouse, and I’ve often heard her singing and rambling incoherently, but no one’s offering HER a deal with Elizabeth Arden.

    And I go around ALL THE TIME in short dresses sans panties… where’s MY perfume contract?!

  47. gogoboots

    The day Mariah gets over herself is the day we will no longer care!

  48. Shelley Bonnechance

    Her values?

    You mean the looking like a hoochie-mama-at -the-gun-show values?

    Well, hey! I am ALL ABOUT that. Does she have a church I could go to? That would be great because I could just get out of bed and go — I’d just have to smear on some lip gloss — and it wouldn’t matter if I had a used condom stuck to the back of my leg.

    Pass that perfume squirter.

  49. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah

    Scroll up.

    Look at that picture of Mariah.

    Then think of the sound a Wookie makes!

  50. M@ce

    Eau de Udders

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