If you own any Elizabeth Arden stock, now would be a good time to sell. They’ve given Mariah Carey her own fragrance which is expected to be released next year. The chairman and chief executive of Elizabeth Arden says:
“We are thrilled to begin this partnership with Mariah Carey. She is, unquestionably, a star of incredible magnitude. All over the world, people aspire to the values she represents. We look forward to launching an inspiring new global fragrance brand with Mariah that will be a timeless classic.”
Well they’re right about her “magnitude,” but I’m not sure what values it is she represents. Eating? Sleeping? Maybe being so lazy she needs assistants to feed her. Yeah, I guess those are values I can aspire to.
tits_on_snack | April 7, 2006 at 2:18 pm
I bet it smells like bacon and crazy.
CoJo | April 7, 2006 at 2:20 pm
I wonder if the bottle comes with someone to spray it onto your fat lazy ass.
BEAM | April 7, 2006 at 2:26 pm
From the photo it looks like she’s morphing into Michael Jackson
sweetcheeks | April 7, 2006 at 2:26 pm
# 1 — bacon and crazy, with a subtle undernote of anti-chafing powder.
BigJim | April 7, 2006 at 2:26 pm
I think it smells like three-day-old Fez spooge mixed with ho juice.
Now that’s nasty.
hendero | April 7, 2006 at 2:30 pm
is that Urkel in the background?
The Lazy Asian | April 7, 2006 at 2:32 pm
I bet it smells like HoneyBaked Ham. Yum.
ziggurat | April 7, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Hey, man. Mariah Carey is hot. All of you would tap that, given the opportunity.
Wi_Screenwriter | April 7, 2006 at 2:37 pm
Cool, Mariah has a perfume. Now i’ll know what skank smells like.
beachedwhale | April 7, 2006 at 2:40 pm
No. It smells like diva and doughnuts.
sweetcheeks | April 7, 2006 at 2:42 pm
#8 — hot? I think what you meant is that it’s ALWAYS HOT between Mariah’s legs. And her stomach rolls and giant, lumbering bosom. You see, the constant chafing of skin against skin creates heat; it’s a scientific principle having to do with resistance and transfer of ions. Complicated.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | April 7, 2006 at 2:45 pm
“The new fragrance will be named “Glitter”, in honor of her blockbuster movie debut that marked her launch into a successful movie career.”
No?
Just a thought.
whackjob | April 7, 2006 at 2:45 pm
“bacon and crazy”, that’s funny.
The lead-in reminded me of the old joke (which, though I love women and am married to one, makes me laugh every time, especially when I hear a woman tell it)
Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they’re ugly and they stink.
yes. I am still in the fifth grade, it’s a wonderful place to hide. nice weekend ya’ll.
Spindoc | April 7, 2006 at 2:45 pm
We here at Elizabeth Arden are proud to announce the release of “Mariah” a perfume with all the joy, the playfulness, the coy ambition of six vicodin tablets dissolving in the remainder of last nights vodka.
okiedoke | April 7, 2006 at 2:46 pm
“All over the world, people aspire to the values she represents.”
You gotta be friggin kidding me.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | April 7, 2006 at 2:49 pm
P.S.
“The new fragrance will have porkrind overtones with subtle notes of Big Mac. The bottle will be formed to look like a woman’s torso, complete with airbrushed abs.”
my_glorious_lawn | April 7, 2006 at 2:49 pm
More celebrity fragrances, yikes! If I want to smell like a celebrity I can smell my armpits you know.
Populist | April 7, 2006 at 2:53 pm
#15, Unfortunately, people “All over the world”
do aspire to egocentrism and self-indulgence.
And lots and lots of food. And money. To buy food.
zachgraham | April 7, 2006 at 2:53 pm
I bet it will double as non-stick frying pan spray or thigh grease.
Dr.Rokter | April 7, 2006 at 2:57 pm
#1 Hee, hee. That’s funny.
#8 I wouldn’t “tap that” with a triple-ply lead codpiece on.
gogoboots | April 7, 2006 at 3:01 pm
I’m assuming people are aspiring to the values that Mariah supposedly represents as being a crazy “diva” who dresses like she’s a 20 year old slut.
Italian Stallion | April 7, 2006 at 3:02 pm
I didn’t no you could wear Spam and call it perfume, good to know…….
Am I having one of my crazy flashbacks or does she really look like she’s getting made up for a peformance in “Cat’s”. She did already show us her pussy, just thought that their was a connection there…..
Italian Stallion | April 7, 2006 at 3:04 pm
I didn’t no Rocky Dennis got his hair done at that salon…..
Another flashback I guess…..no wait it is him…..
BarbadoSlim | April 7, 2006 at 3:04 pm
I wouldn’t hit that with Pink’s dick.
And on a related matter, the Associated Press is reporting that Tom Cruise, of Days of Thunder fame is loving the Cock.
imabeeatch | April 7, 2006 at 3:18 pm
Musk of pussinfestedcuntbubble
gogoboots | April 7, 2006 at 3:19 pm
I was reading an article somewhere about Mariah and the reporter mentioned the fact that she ate two spoonfuls of soup during the interview and that was it. So I think she’s more of a food waster than a food eater.
Italian Stallion | April 7, 2006 at 3:27 pm
#23 It’s *know* not *no*, you fucking illiterate bastard…..Do us all a favor and learn proper engrish or don’t post on this site W.O.P !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ppp | April 7, 2006 at 3:32 pm
here’s a preview of what her perfume bottle will look like:
http://www.be-fitshop.nl/images/extras_pam_cooking.jpg.gif
BarbadoSlim | April 7, 2006 at 3:35 pm
You tell him Starrion, yeah he should learn proper engrish!!!!
MeganHarris | April 7, 2006 at 3:36 pm
SMells like a 11 year old girl in Hello Kitty gear.
missmaiden | April 7, 2006 at 3:36 pm
ever notice how she only takes photos of the right side of her face? take a look, she must have a goiter on the other side, or maybe thats where the hose is attached that pumps up her ample bossum.
aimatcha | April 7, 2006 at 3:47 pm
Eww de Toilet.
senin | April 7, 2006 at 4:00 pm
What’s it called? Eau de ‘ho??
Nimuë LaMer | April 7, 2006 at 4:07 pm
Eau de Put-some-fucking-clothes-on-you-skankyywhore.
ebayfan414 | April 7, 2006 at 4:35 pm
I wonder if her perfume will be non-stick? It would be great for baking!
canucthis | April 7, 2006 at 4:48 pm
I’d throw a leg in it!
sometimesboy | April 7, 2006 at 5:20 pm
haven’t you people been following the superfictal stories lately…it’s going to smell like shaved beaver…kinda like sharon stones breath….
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 7, 2006 at 5:25 pm
Eau de Chickensofttaco et Summersevefailedusmiserably.
CheekyChops | April 7, 2006 at 6:23 pm
#2 HAHAHA!! It could smell like coochie and Mariah probably wouldn’t even know. I don’t think these people have anything to say about the smell of what their name is being put on. Like Paris’ stuff. Smells like piss after a heavy night of partying IMO.
Erienne | April 7, 2006 at 6:25 pm
Oshkosh-I was just answering a telephone at work when I read your Chickensofttaco comment and I almost wet myself and DID embarass myself by snorting hysterically on the phone. You are a funny bitch, you know that? Keep it up. I’m having way too much fun at work reading Superfish.
Trotter | April 7, 2006 at 8:11 pm
#11 Sweetcheeks, I agree. She’s got a whole sourdough bakery in there… The scent is definited rising dough and burnt crust.
Star Maker Machinery | April 7, 2006 at 9:01 pm
In the words of Aerosmith: “Dude looks like a lady.”
Pez_D_Spencer | April 7, 2006 at 10:58 pm
Equal parts nembutal, xanax, and hypnotiq? Or perhaps an herbal/spice blend? Like, say, 11 herbs and spices, just like KFC.
Nope, nope. Equal parts hopsital disinfectant and lard. That’s gotta be it.
xAgonyxScenex | April 7, 2006 at 11:04 pm
does this fragrance make you fat, lazy, and obnoxious?
Dee | April 8, 2006 at 10:44 am
great….whats next??? one of those lovely statues that Brit Brit got in her honor??
sweetcheeks | April 8, 2006 at 12:24 pm
Somebody PLEASE explain to me how Mariah recovered from “Glitter” and DOCUMENTED PSYCHOSIS unscathed!!!! There’s a crazy lady downtown who lives by the courthouse, and I’ve often heard her singing and rambling incoherently, but no one’s offering HER a deal with Elizabeth Arden.
And I go around ALL THE TIME in short dresses sans panties… where’s MY perfume contract?!
gogoboots | April 8, 2006 at 2:19 pm
The day Mariah gets over herself is the day we will no longer care!
Shelley Bonnechance | April 8, 2006 at 5:08 pm
Her values?
You mean the looking like a hoochie-mama-at -the-gun-show values?
Well, hey! I am ALL ABOUT that. Does she have a church I could go to? That would be great because I could just get out of bed and go — I’d just have to smear on some lip gloss — and it wouldn’t matter if I had a used condom stuck to the back of my leg.
Pass that perfume squirter.
honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah | April 8, 2006 at 5:56 pm
Scroll up.
Look at that picture of Mariah.
Then think of the sound a Wookie makes!
M@ce | April 9, 2006 at 12:13 am
Eau de Udders