Mariah Carey’s Cleavage Is For The Children Or Something

Photo Boy | May 30, 2014 - 1:00 pm

Posted by Photo Boy

So remember earlier when Fish posted this great video of super talented actors doing funny impressions of each other, because they’re beloved and humble people, whose impromptu moments during what is surely a grueling press tour provide a little insight that they aren’t complete dicks or egomaniacs on the inside? Well here’s the exact opposite of that.

That was a completely shitty and nonsensical video of Mariah Carey that has no reason to exist or redemptive quality whatsoever other than to document her trip to a fucking gala in her honor for her charitable donations to The Fresh Air Fund. Apparently it’s not enough to just generously give to a charity behind the scenes, never publicly announcing it and I’m sure inadvertently *cough, BULLSHIT, cough* self-aggrandizing along the way. That clearly wouldn’t fill you with a sense of inner fulfillment unless maybe you sweetened that deal with an elaborate event to showcase your tits and an awful viral video attempt, because remember her great tits? But seriously, it’s all for the children. And tits and tax shelters and sham goodwill, but defintely, mostly the kids.

And speaking of gross corporate auto-fellatio, value-based marketing bullshit that Fish and I spent an hour bitching about this morning over coffee and tit photos, here’s a TV spot that’s been running as a part of Chevy’s Everyday Heroes Come Home Campaign, which admittedly does great things for returning troops, but couldn’t possibly have done it without a massive marketing campaign designed specifically to make consumers feel like they’re making a moral choice when they clunk down forty grand for a Silverado over an F-150, because DID FORD GIVE A HOUSE TO A SOLDIER? I DIDN’T FUCKING THINK SO! NOW YOU WATCH THIS VIDEO OF ADORABLE CHILDREN REUNITING WITH THEIR PARENTS AND YOU CRY AND YOU BUY A CHEVY BECAUSE AMERICA!!!!11

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, WENN