Mariah Carey Working Out In Fishnets Is The Crap We Missed

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed starting with Mariah Carey in a thong and heels on a Starimaster, so I really don’t know why I’m going to talk about anything else? The vanilla stars of Fifty Shades Darker? Nah, didn’t think so. What about “sober” Scott Disick probably sharing a joint with yet another model on his hotel balcony? Right, who gives a shit. I guess you don’t care about Sad Lena Dunham realizing she has to share this cake either? Okay, that’s pretty good, I admit it. And I’m not fat-shaming her. I fucking hate sharing dessert too. *flash forward to divorce trial* “Your honor, I would like to enter into evidence this recording of my wife clearly stating she was “so full,” then proceeding to inhale 60-70% of the Chocolate Thunder From Down Under I ordered for myself. And yes, duh, I wish to seek the death penalty.”

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