Mariah Carey Looks High And Other Link-Beef

It’s finally Friday and for the first time this week we can all sit back, pop a 40 oz. of rosé, and smoke a fat one to David Hasselhoff’s new disco classic… I’m kidding, it’s only good until he starts singing… oh, actually he’s rapping – yes it’s dog shit.

KFC got a new white guy to dress like a southern plantation owner and his name is Rob Lowe. They’ve been through five or six Colonels in the past couple years- who do they think they are, Dr. Who… Oh, shit see what I did there? What a transition! It was flawless because A) Colonel Sanders is like erecting a statue of Robert E. Lee in a black neighborhood and B) The new Dr. Who is a black woman! I’m drunk.

Ronda Rousey is engaged to another UFC monster and that’s a sex tape I can live without.

Remember the world’s hottest felon? Me neither… but he’s out of jail and it looks like he’s renting expensive shit for his photo-ops. *yawn*

Caitlyn Jenner still can’t spell her first name right and thinks she’s some sort of ass-backwards political Gandhi. According to her the one thing Republicans got wrong are their trans issues- but FUCKKKK Mexico and Muslims they can eat a dong! Right, Caitlyn?