Maria Shriver Leaked The News of Arnold’s Love Child

May 24th, 2011 // 90 Comments

Presumably because he pulled shit like, I dunno, taking his secret love child on family vacations, Maria Shriver originally planned to hold a press conference announcing Arnold Schwarzenegger had an affair with the maid, according to TMZ:

TMZ has new information from sources connected to Maria. We’re told when Maria found out that Arnold was the father of Mildred Patty Baena’s son, she was “hysterical” and wanted to hold a news conference blowing the lid off the scandal.
We’re told Maria’s friends talked her off a ledge and a plan was eventually hatched to leak the details to the L.A. Times and TMZ.
And we have new information about when Maria found out about the baby. Now we’re told Maria learned about Arnold’s love child in late April or very early May.

Of course, this was the smart move because when you look like freaking Skeletor, giving press conferences is never a good idea. Maria Shriver could reveal Arnold is the end-product of Nazi engineering, programmed to infiltrate our government, and all anyone would hear is something about wanting to hunt us for sport using her alien cloaking device. In fact, I’m 90% positive that’s the message she’s beaming into my head right now via these photos. No, I will not go with you to a game planet with Adrien Brody!

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Turd Ferguson

    Maybe he cheated and left her because she is nasty looking?

  2. Maria Shriver
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    How did she not see what was going on? Cause she clearly can look in multiple directions at the same time.

  3. Maria Shriver
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    NOT an attractive woman.
    She looks like one of the Terminator models after the fire has ravaged the skin off its’ face.

  4. What de hell ah you…

  5. Any Guy

    WHO could cheat on that lovely face? WHO among us? oh wait – any heterosexual male, that’s who.

    LIZARD WOMAN in the HOUSE. wow.

  6. MakeupJunkie

    What the hell is wrong with her face?! She looks like the Crypt Keeper with a spray-on tan.

  7. Rancid

    This may explain why Arnie porked a broad who looked more worn out than a pair of rented bowling shoes – the lack of a postmortem grin

  8. Luv2Watch

    You know, she has pretty eyes. And lovely hair. If she’d just gain a little weight, she’d be a nice looking woman again. No matter how she looks though, he took vows and if he wanted to screw around for whatever reason, he shoulda divored her first!

    Team Maria!

    • geekychic

      agree. she was good while he needed her image and name for his politics fame-whoring, she was good to have his 3 children, she was good when he needed her connections and it’s old gossip that HE was the one whoi insisted on her being skinny, skinny, skinny.
      so, if he took all that from her, he could at least keep his uber-extra-tiny d**** in his pants.
      those steroids shrunk both of his brains, it seems.

  9. villenuv27

    Take note Kirsten Dunst; fairly warned be thee says I.

  10. Bombay Gin

    Look upon me and tremble, man-parts!! I am the shriveler of gonads! I keep the gate to the netherworld in my leathery lady purse! Weep! Weep, I say!
    You thought you were marrying a woman and you find out you have bedded a Kennedog! Woe be unto you, fool of a man that believed I wouldn’t be another spoiled, entitled, spawn of the Devil’s family! Kennedys can do no wrong, others can do no right. We have the God-given right to run your lives and woe be unto those that think they can think for themselves! Are we not American Royalty? Are we not the children of Camelot? Are we not so far up the press’s butt that they choke on our pickled Irish stew?
    Manly Men? Not in our clan! Prostrate your prostate, fool, and beg for a peg!

  11. Sledman

    What he did was really fucked up. It goes beyond cheating with whores like Tiger did. Honestly, what he did was cruel to her. That being said… She really is ugly. And not sort ugly, but WTF? ugly. She used to look ok … sort of but now? wow. That’s no excuse to pork the maid.. well .. not THAT maid. My only guess is he really likes Ugly chicks. Maybe its the Austrian upbringing as I can’t think of any famous beautiful Austrian women at the moment. Either way, I do feel for her as what he did was beyond fucked up.

    • TomFrank

      You do realize that Fish and/or Photo Boy are deliberately choosing the most unflattering shots they can find for the Maria posts, right? Anyone can be made to look ugly or stupid if you take enough snapshots.

    • ham

      Hedy Lemarr was Austrian, and she looked perfect.

  12. rough:how white can you bleach my calvin's

    Whats the matter Maria, too rich to stand by your man?

  13. Nope…can’t imagine any twist of fate that could ever motivate a man to cheat on this delicate flower of wormanhood. yes, I know what I said.

  14. Bombay Gin

    If I was Arnold, I’d ask for alimony. Hell, she’s got money. And that face has to be “cruelty” under divorce law.

  15. Crabby Old Guy

    I’m filing away her image in my personal Rolodex, so the next time I’m banging my wife I can conjure up that face. It should work better than mentally running down the line-up and batting averages of the 1969 Cubs while fighting the urge to….well, you know.

    I’m on my way to being the best husband ever. well, assuming that I don’t knock up the maid.

  16. Jess

    I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!!

    • Deacon Jones

      Give me a witness darling
      I need a witness babe

      I got the poontang blues, yeah
      I got the poontang blues, yeah ……..

      Top of my head down to the bottom of my cowboy shoes, all right
      Build me a woman, make her ten feet tall
      You got to build me a woman, make her ten feet tall
      Don’t make her worthless, don’t make her small, right oh, come on

  17. Richard McBeef

    Mortally wounded, Maria Shriver leaked the news of Arnold’s love child seconds before activating her wrist mounted self destruct mechanism.

  18. Burrito Supreme

    That’s a great Palpatine impression. I can almost feel Luke Skywalker being electrocuted.

  19. Queequeg

    I thought her teeth would be more pointed.

  20. DOucHe BaGELs

    OMG if this kid beefed up like his dad, we would potetially have a Mexican Terminator in:

    Terminator 9: Border Patrol
    “Auf Wiedersehen….baby!” *said in a Mexican accent*

  21. cc

    The world’s worst candidate for Oil of Olay’s ‘How old do you think I am?’ campaign.

  22. Cock Dr

    I look at Maria’s face, and I have to endorse the proposal that we strip Arnold of his US citizenship.
    He did this to her (ok, daylight may have also been a factor).

  23. Pippy Longcockings

    GAAAAAAAH!!

  24. Uncle Jemima

    The goggles! They do nothing!

  25. Rancid

    Ancient spirits of evil
    transform this decayed form
    into MUM-RA
    THE EVER-LIVING!!

  26. Pippy Longcockings

    Can you imagine sticking your cock in her mouth? You’d never get it back.

  27. tonawanda

    Maria Shriver, of all people, should have obviously realized that men like her uncles, her grandfather and her husband do this sort of thing. I have no shred of empathy for her whatsoever.

    • sami

      it can easily be said that she stayed for the power as much as Arnold did. And she was used to power and influence, being a Kennedy. I think as this gossip passes we’ll find out she knew more than she has let in and those who backed her up so blindly will be surprised. It does not excuse Arnold, but like most political marriages it was one of convenience

      believe it or not, I’m not harking on AS. He strayed and had another child. He is so far from being the only one to do that, yet people are acting like they discovered he is the AntiChrist, just like they did Tiger Woods. Sorry, but outside of Maria and family, this is all just overreaction by strangers .

      And what does money and power have to do with it??? Where I live, are some po-ass bastards that have second, third and fourth families. AND they lie to their spouses

  28. anon

    The woman-hating here is beyond belief.
    BTW, if you went through what this woman did, you might stop eating.

    • sami

      sorry,

      she chose to stand by a mutt. She should have left him. She knew what he was before the marriage and still stood by him. I support her only because of the kids.

    • Pippy Longcockings

      That’s what this site is all about! Otherwise I might accidentally tell my wife what a fucking cunt she is!

  29. the man

    Looks like she is sporting s stache.

  30. mimsy

    SPOILER ALERT Gremlins 3 in pre-production. New puppets spotted on set.

  31. Maria Shriver
    adolf hitler
    Commented on this photo:

    like a new born babe

  32. krutboo

    what the fuck happened to her face?

  33. woodhorse

    Skeletor in drag is still Skeletor.

  34. American Bandersnatch

    This is what I saw when I put the glasses on.
    - Rowdy Roddy Piper

  35. good God,

    She is not attractive at all.

  36. When you have two kids less than a year apart, they call them Irish twins. What do you call it when you have two kids by two different women less than a week apart? Mormon twins?

  37. dork

    If I woke up and saw that thing laying next to me I would scream and run out of the house. Then I would go back in and fuck the maid. Oh wait…

  38. The Pope of Cleveland

    That photo made me pee.

  39. Bombay Gin

    Bubba say: “Hey, Earline! Yer gramma’s here!”

  40. Maria Shriver
    monkeyspank
    Commented on this photo:

    I very nearly screamed out loud when I saw this picture.

  41. Bombay Gin

    “Kneel before your God, Apophis!”

  42. See Alice

    She looks rancid .

  43. Maria Shriver
    Robert
    Commented on this photo:

    Are those facecrabs on (in?) her cheeks?

  44. tlmck

    I think her natural eye color is red with laser beams.

  45. PunkA

    I do not get it. Arnold did all the right things. First, he married a Kennedy. Nice start. Then, he went into politics in a big way and won, just like a Kennedy. Lastly, he slept around with loads of women, knocked one up and had a love child, and basically acted like a Kennedy, and NOW Maria is pissed? What the hell did she expect? Arnold was basically JFK and RFK, except he got caught. So, his real sin was getting caught, right?

  46. Blasto

    She like a lot of the Kennedys looked decent when she was young but those alcoholic Irish genes hit hard later in life. Those wide broad cheekbones and jaws can be passable on a young person but look at how horribly her and Uncle Teddy aged.

  47. valerie

    i’ll swallow your soul! i’ll swallow your soul!

  48. skeeeeeeet

    She looks like Predator…

  49. Maria Shriver
    New Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    I would like to “announce” that Arnold had a “love child” and also “refute” the rumor that I am playing “Sinistra” in the Green Lantern.

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