Malia Obama Smoked The Marijuana Like A Cigarette

“Thank you, baby. Now I can finally complete my, uh, transition into the beast known as 666.”
“You’re welcome, Daddy.”

If you’re not on Twitter, pat yourself on the back for making a life decision that eclipses all of mine put together, because you’re missing a mass freakout over an 18-year-old girl doing what every 18-year-old in the history of America has done at a concert since Mary Todd Lincoln was like, “Abe, goddammit. We’ll smoke a bowl, we’ll go laugh our asses off at some play, don’t be a dick.” So here’s video of Malia Obama smoking marijuana – “allegedly” – at Lollapalooza in Chicago proving that the White House needs a little more Blake and Miranda and a little less Bey and Jay if I’m remembering my racist country music station Facebook memes right. (How’d that one work out?)

I’d mention that Illinois recently decriminalized pot, but it wouldn’t matter because here’s the only thing white people who watch Fox News saw in that video:

911 twin towers

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Photo: Getty