Madonna’s publicist thinks I’m an idiot

Like most celebrities in the past 18 hours, Madonna issued a statement to People expressing her grief over the death of Michael Jackson:

“I can’t stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless.”

While I’m sure Madonna’s genuinely broken up about Michael Jackson, the two owned the 80s and were the same age, there’s no way I’m buying her body is capable of producing any amount of moisture. Including tears. In fact, I’m almost certain Madonna’s mere presence causes water to evaporate like that thing in Batman Begins. Don’t believe me? Then why is this glass of water suddenly empty? *dumps on floor* Witchcraft!