Madonna’s publicist thinks I’m an idiot

June 26th, 2009 // 57 Comments

Like most celebrities in the past 18 hours, Madonna issued a statement to People expressing her grief over the death of Michael Jackson:

“I can’t stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless.”

While I’m sure Madonna’s genuinely broken up about Michael Jackson, the two owned the 80s and were the same age, there’s no way I’m buying her body is capable of producing any amount of moisture. Including tears. In fact, I’m almost certain Madonna’s mere presence causes water to evaporate like that thing in Batman Begins. Don’t believe me? Then why is this glass of water suddenly empty? *dumps on floor* Witchcraft!


  1. superstar

    =[ At first I found Madonna really annoying, now I feel bad for her.

  2. le fag

    madame toussaud’s? oh, wait… those are real!

  3. Speidi_Cunt

    Now if we can just get Spencer and Heidi to use the same Dr as MJ, it might be worth it…

  4. Nothing Nullifies Pedophilia

    From the movie “Freeway” with Reese Witherspoon:

    Vanessa: “…But when a guy goes and hurts someone who never hurt them… that makes him a criminal first and a sick guy second. It’s like being sick has to take second place to being crooked. And Bob, you’re crooked.”

    Michael, you were crooked. For most of the latter half of your life, you were a criminal first, a sick guy second, and a musician third (and: recycling the same stale stuff). You used your money to avoid justice, which happens all the time but for some reason convinced your fans that nothing ever happened during all those nights of sleeping with boys. Your music died a long time ago and it’s a very good thing that you died early.

  5. Tom K

    She is so full of shit! I hate hyppcrites! She always use to say negative things about him in the 80′s. I’m sure she “cried” riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, my ass! She is probably already thinking how to use his death to revive her own dying musical career.

    You know its funny, when your alive nobody gives two shits about you, and when you die all of sudden everybody loves you. America

  6. Sid

    “I can’t stop crying over the sad news…”

    translation: “How can I horn in on this wall-to-wall media coverage?”

  7. Nancy

    We have lost a truly magical person, but Heaven has gained an angel. A noseless bleached junkie child-raping angel.

  8. Tom K

    Exactly #8. Madonna is so full of shit!!!! LMAO!!
    I’m sure she “cried”, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

    I hate hypocrites, I respected her more in the 80′s and 90′s when she didn’t give a shit and always told it like it is.

  9. AndrewMacCloud

    allthough Madonna may not be able to cry anymore at her age …to fake any grief over her greatest rival Michael

    she’s constantely suffering from involuntary loss of urine called urinary kaballah incontinence … ,, which might be mistaken for rivers of tears

  10. Joe History

    If there’s one thing that these pictures prove, it’s that Madonna was once actually alive.

  11. il vate

    i’d just like to say a big fu-k you to all those who write about how this death was deserved and so on.

    you know nothing, i don’t know anything, and nobody does.

    to come out and spew hate on the occasion of the one thing that is for sure true – death – of a man is so low, so miserable and so horrible it makes me sick.

    nobody should talk about anything. an artist died. that is all. the pain of the family should be respected.

    as for anything else, there will be time. he’s not coming back, so if one week from now you still feel like your opinion on a judiciary case or anything else is relevant to anyone alse, you’ll have all the time to express it.

    for now, shut the fuck up idiots.

  12. ur mom

    I wish Madonna had died instead of MJ. The fact that her mum-ra looking ass is still alive proves there is no god.

  13. Joe

    #13 – you’re late for your NAMBLA meeting.

  14. JPRichardson

    MJ was the greatest entertainer of his time (which was a looong time) and is loved by millions worldwide for his talents, his music, his dancing, his voice.

    MJ contributed to make people happier. His personal life is only that, HIS PERSONAL LIFE. He is not to be judged by his crazy lifestyle or rumored abuses. He was a great performer, that was his contribution, and will be remembered as the King of Pop for a long, long time.

  15. Andrea

    “nobody should talk about anything.”

    Nice. The motto of the cowards who help to cover up sexual abuse. Gee, if you do a really good job at that, will Uncle Larry let you have a turn with that young boy from down the street?

  16. #13 I agree completely.

    @15 “Joe”
    I know right? How DARE someone be rational?! Pff that’s just plain ludicrous! Quick call him/her a pedophile!

  17. Wendy

    MJ fans, look, we understand. Like Michael, you want to live in a fantasy land for your entire adult life. That’s why his throwaway pop music “speaks” to you. Fine. But this is a grownup site, so there will be comments by people who are not trembling with fear about facing real life, and who refuse to put their heads in the sand to avoid facing what Michael Jackson became for the majority of his adult life. Your petulance amuses us, like watching somebody else’s small child throw an unintentionally entertaining tantrum. Because that’s exactly what it is.

  18. shankyouverymuch

    Elisabeth Taylor came up with the stupid title of “King of Pop” for MJ.

    It was in response to a question asked by a reporter as to who she felt was a stronger preformer, Elvis (THE KING of ROCK) or Jackson?

    At this press interview she blurted out something to the effect that, though Elvis was the THE KING of ROCK, she felt that Jackson was equally great & at that point declared Jackson, “The King of Pop”.

    Of course the Jackson camp & the media fueled that fire with more hype & ran with the notion until everyone just sort of excepted it.

    Personally I always thought that, “The King of POOP” was much more appropriate for Jackson’s brand of music.

    History will tell, but I just don’t see MJ’s music lasting long at all, like say, the Beatles or Elvis, or others in the modern music history of the world. Jackson’s music just doesn’t carry any real weight, it’s mostly all fluff & puff. Just a LOT of crotch grabbing, plenty of choreographed jumping around, & really, REALLY funny face making.

    “who’s bad” – Jackson is! :O(

  19. Patty

    Y’all better stop all the hatin’! Everybody around the world knows that Michael Jackson was all about spreading the LOVE!
    …granted, “love” was his nickname for a young boy’s anus, but still…

  20. death = caring = sad


    I love you.

  21. Michael Jackson

    Quick get me to the childerens ward!!

  22. Michael Jackson

    Hey, where is that Baby Jesus at??

  23. dirk

    I wonder how hard she sucked his little purple crayon?

  24. Pity

    I feel bad for Madonna. She can’t win. If she doesn’t pretend to care she’s a coldhearted bitch, if she pretends to care she’s after publicity.

    It’s like my dad always says, good people never die. Doesn’t matter what kind of sonofabitch you are your whole life, when you die, people are supposed to say nice things about you. So pretty much any celebrity that was in the same room as him in the last 40 years has to say something nice, or else they’re bastards.

    All I can think of that is nice to say is that it was very kind of Micheal to die so young and spare the anuses of little boys nearby and to also spare us from watching his face further fall apart for years to come. What a nice child molesting fella.

  25. I wonder if Madonna has put a bid in for his kids yet?

  26. cavy

    You do realize, don’t you, that you are aging as well?

    I think it is so funny when people make fun of older people, because, if they are lucky enough, that will be them someday (only, hopefully Karma will bite them in the ass and they’ll look like Hell).

    How can anyone make fun of getting older? What is this…Children of the Corn?


    #26 Pity VERY WELL SAID – I agree 100%!

  27. Tuppy Glossop

    I wonder if any of the little boys he raped will now come forward with articles, books, interviews whatever.

    It’s the wave of the (near) future, and the lawyers are descending in ever smaller circles over L.A. – let’s exploit Wacko’s cyborg corpse for money!

  28. Carolyn

    Who the hell even remembers when Michael Jackson did anything remotely entertaining? It was what, 20 years ago? The time since then he’s spent perfecting his weirdness.

  29. whattheshit

    Outside of listening to Thriller when I was 5 years old, I can’t say I was ever really a Michael Jackson fan–or Madonna for that matter. But without question, MJ and Madonna personified the 80′s more than anyone else.

  30. Willie Dixon

    Everyone is a saint at their own funeral.

  31. sell

    oh damn… there did we put those put options on mfj >

    …and thanks britney for that “don’t you see what i see”

    …dumb tune

    …wish we’d never given it to you

  32. Jammy

    Her vagina’s like a ShamWow

  33. Ananana

    I bet madonna thinks she’s next. quel fucking dommage…

  34. TellysWorld

    Bwahahahahaha. That last part was funny.

  35. Why doesn’t Madonna adopt Michael Jackson’s three children?

  36. missywissy

    lol….. no moisture. I think she has lancome products circulating in her veins. Or is that A-Rod’s jizz…….

  37. Yes you are an idiot!!!, because your coments are not fact, but your own interpretation based on ingnorance, this comments say a lot of your incapacity of reporting (if that is what you call it), and reflects your proffecionalism on reporting, to sad to make those comments, thank you,

  38. momo

    he doesn’t look bad here. He just had to go a step further with the surgeries didn’t he…

  39. micheal

    @ #37: that would be amazing.

  40. i’d totally hit on a 1986 madonna.

  41. SARA

    I couldn’t agree with Tom K more.

    No one gave a fuck when he was alive, in fact ppl just talked shit every chance they got. Now he’s gone and everyone is like Ohh i’m soo sad pooor michael..


    RIP michael

  42. SARA

    …..and FUCK MADONNA

  43. Dread not

    10. Tom K – June 26, 2009 12:10 PM

    Exactly #8. Madonna is so full of shit!!!! LMAO!!
    I’m sure she “cried”, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

    I hate hypocrites, I respected her more in the 80′s and 90′s when she didn’t give a shit and always told it like it is.


    Dn: Of course, Madonna cried! She wanted to upstage, Michael Jackson’s death by adopting his kids!

  44. Nokie

    This is so annoying that people who didn’t give a flying fuck about him before, started buying his albums after his death. Fuck that. You are not true fans.

    RIP Michael. I feel like I lost a family member or something.

  45. captain america


  46. Mil

    Man, you’re a fuckin genius!!! That is EXACTLY what I thought when I read her statement!!! :)))

  47. Darth

    She has emotional ties with him because of the same age and music icon status and so on.But we only did post this because of the great mouth shot.

  48. Nero

    Yeah,the only thing we really care about are bikinis,nipps and astonishing moutshots!

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