Madonna’s marriage fades, looks say ‘Copycat!’

March 17th, 2008 // 68 Comments

Madonna and Guy Ritchie may be calling it quits. The two are supposedly agreeing to end their marriage amicably because they’ve simply “fallen out of love with each other.” Guy will have free access to the kids because their was no major falling out between him and Broomhilda Madonna, according to News of the World:

“She has finally made the decision to go to America and has instructed her staff to prepare for the move. Everything will go–except Guy.”
Friends say Madonna, 49, is now in talks with her PR team to see how the move will affect her career, which has netted her a £220 million fortune and secured her as one of the world’s most famous female singers.

I don’t see how anyone could fall out of love with Madonna. I mean, look at her. (Hint: She’s the one that’s not Justin Timberlake.) It’d be like having sex with a freakishly buff blonde Cryptkeeper every night. I’m pretty sure if you looked up “erotic” in the dictionary, that would be the exact description.

UPDATE: Okay, banging the Cryptkeeper is not the definition of erotic. But it should be. Get me Webster on the line. I have some words for him. Ha! Get it? Words. Dictionary. Where do I come up with this stuff? Oh, right, the meth.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Frank Drebin


  2. beesknees

    not surprising…she eats her husbands for dinner

  3. mimi

    fish gutx suks!

  4. Trover

    Madonna has never been hot. Just trashy and erotic and controversial. Her face is just plain nasty, and wow, the looks she never had are gone even more.

    I wonder if she will drop the fake Brit accent when she moves back to NYC?

  5. Sandy

    She should complete the sex change and marry Justin. It’d be a truthful coming-out for both of them.

  6. Melissa

    She’s gnarly

  7. Bigheadmike

    Couldn’t slap it…. I just couldn’t.

  8. fergernauster

    Egad. She is 60 now.

    Time to retire your ‘china & settle with the cats.

  9. HoHwPoV

    Cryptkeeper is the perfect description … that is all I can see now … no hints of the 80′s days of Madonna …

  10. fergernauster

    “Madonna’s marriage fades, looks say ‘copycat’!”

    I can’t even begin to make sense of that heading.

    That has “Delhi” stamped all o’er it, if you ask me.

  11. bigSteamyone

    Holy Shit !!!!!!! , She looks like a fish waiting for a baited hook. Wow oh Wow is she nasty !

  12. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    Paul McCartney is available… just saying…

  13. momo

    i’d bang the shit out of that if given a half a second.
    The rest of you are dumbasses.
    go spank your monkeys

  14. hollywoodsneak

    doesn’t suprise me at all. as soon as Sean Penn was on the market again she was scrambling to get away from Guy. mark my words, she will be sniffing around Penn soon enough

  15. fergernauster

    Girl, that is some Grade “A” nastiness right there.
    (I’m talkin’ Timberlake).

  16. deacon jones

    I have to poop.

  17. Thomas

    I can imagine her in bed with the Cryptkeeper’s voice: “I’m feeling KINKY, would you like to do me with one of my GHOULFRIENDS?!? Mee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee… After all I’m DIESEXUAL, of CORPSE!!! Mee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee…”

    Cryptkeeper was always the lamest great-great-great-grandmotherfucker…

  18. dude

    When did she have the armpit vagina installed? If one were so inclined, one could have relations with it.



  19. T

    She looks great, c’mon, she’s pushing 50. There are a lot of famous ‘women’ that look worse, that are a lot younger than her, like Britney, Lindsey, Lindsey’s sister, Amy Winehouse, Brittany Murphy, Pamela Anderson.

    She should lay off the Botox though. That always looks awful.

  20. Flinstone

    prob cuz shes got more balls than Guy

  21. I hears her profiled is founded at S a n d y Is it true she looks for true love there.? I must goes to finded out. All of EASTERN BLOC eUROPE FINDS IT MOST OVER ENTERTAINING.


  22. Will

    I see ordinary older women and celebrities, both, who do crazy fitness regimes and diets, and plastic surgery and Botox, and they always look like skeletors. I’ve never seen one with a face that didn’t scream “FAKE!” and look like something that just emerged from a combo makeup/special-effects prep room. I always wondered why the fuck do they do it? Sure, getting old and looking old is a drag, but naturally old beats fake/scary skeletor every time.

    But then, there’s a story like this, with pictures, and some people always say “she looks great! especially for her age!” So those are the people who support the skeletor industry. Maybe they’re old themselves and have cataracts. That’s the only explanation I can think of.

  23. Capt. Crunch

    With any luck, when she moves back to NYC there will be a big crane next to her building…

  24. The Laughing God

    Guy ass is tired from her collection of strap-ons. Madonna can’t go outside, she gets mobbed still, she has to do all her activities in her home safe from the public. All that pent up energy has no where to go but Guy’s crotch and when she has sucked every last bit of stamina out of him she retreats to the bathroom, to emerge moments later with a lubed up strap-on. Guy tried to defend himself, but at this point he is usually in restraints and is too tired to even move.

    His ass is left to Madonna’s fury, till she strokes out in an absence-seizure-orgasm. He tried to talk to her about it, but whenever he does she jabs in in the stomach with one of her coned boobs, screams at him, “you like eating blond carpet!” Then uses his face as a vaginal depilatory.

    That is why this break-up is so amicable, he is just looking forward to getting some rest, for once.

  25. nipolian

    In the main pic…….she is starting to look like Wayland Flowers’ puppet Madam.

  26. boo

    i don’t understand how any male celebrity hooks up with these old hags. there are tons of hot young girls just lined up.

  27. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    I don’t know…she’s kinda hot….soon as I read she’s worth 220 million pounds I got a boner hard enough to pound nails through plywood with. You could cover her from head to toe with dollars so you wouldn’t have to look at her. mmmm….

  28. boo

    yeah, but Guy Ritchie is already famous and rich on his own.

  29. deacon jones

    @#27. Mine just looks like a sad 1 inch soldier.

  30. TT

    “she is starting to look like Wayland Flowers’ puppet Madam”

    this cuts right to the heart of her core audience (trannies)

  31. Jammy


  32. hate you for no reason

    She looks EXACTLY like the Bride of Chucky in picture #3.

  33. I hate modonna

    She is so FUGLY

  34. Serial Rapist


  35. Webster Von Wordington

    One word…


  36. EuroNeckPain

    This is indeed a poor choice of dress and hairdo !
    This black dress flattens the breasts and makes the arms look pasty white. And this hairdo is usually seen on sixtysomething women who match it with leotard prints. What’s wrong with Madonna, she used to have a good fashion sense ?!? Imagine her with a white suit and darker hair, she’d look great !

  37. Zang

    She has glaciers for eyes. Always has. Scary, scary woman.

  38. Madonna is way hot for a 50 year old. I think it’s hilarious that people say negative things about her looks when she’s 10 times hotter (and richer) then your hag moms ;)

  39. Plastic...for brains?

    Ummm…yeah, ok. Except most of us don’t judge a woman’s hotness in comparison to our moms. You don’t run a motel by any chance, do you?

  40. Fan

    She looks great! A lot better than many younger women who don’t take care of themselves. And please bear in mind, people, she actually has talent, unlike so many of her younger counterparts.

  41. The Matthew Shepard "Club"

    Here we go…the Madonna fans have arrived. I’m glaad they took so long, so a little truthfulness could be posted first.

  42. BarelyStearn

    Geez, I sure hope this won’t affect Mr. Madonna’s movie-making prowess…Good grief, it would be quite a shame if the auteur behind ‘Swept Away’ lost his mojo…Crikey!

    On a related note: Hasn’t the expiration date of these two been reached yet?!

  43. Chupacabra

    FINALLY! After she sucked all the good movie talent out of him she leaves his carcass for the wolves.

    Madonna so much as breathes near a movie set and it’s ruined. With this “used to be talented” director, she ripped him up and spit him out.

    So sad… all his good days are gone now. Prenup?

  44. Thomas

    Why do the Madonna lovers all sound like leaky tires?

    “Madonna ith the mowth beautiful women ev-ERRRR. Pleath thtop thaying such mean thingth about HERRRR. Sheeth an icon! Jeethuss Cryth….”

  45. baby nuts

    look, guy is 10 years younger, this was bound to happe. his looks have been going south for awhile. he’s just trying to get to all that free vagina out there before he starts looking like an old bloated churchill.

  46. BarelyStern

    Uhh…wait a minute: Madonna: The woman behind “Sex” i.e. – Erotica…and who has foisted “Body of Evidence”, “The Next Best Thing”, “Shangai Surprise”, and “Swept Away” on unsuspecting movie-goers has to consult with PR people on the effect of a divorce on her career…? Perhaps I am going blind and didn’t read that statement correctly. Perhaps my feverish masturbation at the twin sightings of Nicole & Paris sporting cleavage did in fact lead to my current state as a blind man selling pencils in front of a car wash…Damn: Mom WAS right.

  47. BunnyButt

    Fell OUT of love??? I never thought they were in love in the first place …

  48. mofoghetto

    Funny how when 1 person makes a nasty comment, all the little rats follow suit!

    I’m sorry but Madonna looks great! She’s not full of collagen and filler and her face is the face of a real 49 year old! I love the fact that she never got that gap in her teeth filled. I think it’s charming. I think everyone on here should be required to upload their pic, THEN we will see who the real witches are!

    Ok, so she’s a workout freak, at least she WORKS for her fitness instead of putting herself through the beauty processor like most starlets.

    For all you haters out there, in case you missed it, she’s fucking stinking rich so obviously she’s doing SOMETHING right and millions of people agree!

    I hate dumbass haters who hide in their anonymity!

  49. Linda

    Cuz we all know just how reliable news of the world is. Anyway, I thought they moved into royal marriage, separate estates years ago.

  50. Linda

    And mofoghetto is your real name then? Unless all the sex and drugs during her hay day were erased by the pious personality and nationality change, shes had some serious work.

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