Madonna’s Jesus finding new disciples?

March 18th, 2009 // 50 Comments

Somebody’s spending a night in the scorpion tank. Jesus Luz the 22-year-old Brazilian model boyfriend of Madonna was spotted partying with several ladies in Rio de Janeiro, according to Page Six:

“There was a bash for Jesus on Saturday night,” writes our Brazilian spy. “More than 30 revelers partied so late into the night, the cops were called. Jesus was there the whole night, flirting with various girls at the party . . . he had lots of fun with the local female company.”

Maybe if Madonna spent more time at home and less time teaching Gwyneth Paltrow how to paralyze her enemies with fear using the Banshee Shriek, her man wouldn’t be out all hours of the night cat-calling around. Tell her, girlfriends.

Photos: Splash News

  1. first


  2. Chris Brown

    Better make the sign of the cross, bitch, cuz her comes a bash for Jesus.

  3. Sid

    Girls? Really? Jesus seems like he swings the other way, like he’s looking for a doubting Thomas to put his finger in his hole…

  4. Natasha Richardson

    Sounds like he did a little skiing on the bunny slopes, if you know what I mean.

  5. Lisa

    Madonna’s complexion is looking pretty radiant.

    I’m sure her and Gwyneth are laughing about how they bath in virgin blood for some twisted Kabbalah ritual to remain young forever.

  6. Jrz

    “Jesus was there the whole night, flirting with various girls at the party ”

    Hee hee….I mean… just sounds funny, like the Lord was hangin wit some hotties, like Sexy Jesus on Hamlet 2.

  7. Jennyjenjen

    She has red-wine mouth going on..

  8. This sinewy hands… I wake up screaming about hands like that…

  9. pete

    Hey, Madonna, can’t you pop just few more forearm veins?

  10. 1 MILF Hunter

    Jesus was looking for women that aren’t old enough to be his mom and the leathery equipment that goes with it.

  11. Jrz

    Pic #3: Why….I don’t know why I’m such a douchbag, Madonna….that is a superb question, however, and I will turn to Kabballah for enlightenment

  12. waiter

    Oh great, I get the table with AlwaysPosing and ShitEatingGrin. I can’t wait until they try to flirt with me by making barely disguised hostile “little boy” comments…

  13. Richard McBeef

    it’s pretty sad when you are such a washed up old hag that you make g. paltrow look smoking hot.

  14. Andy

    I’d punch ‘em both in the vagina but I don’t want to get bite marks on my fist.

  15. Mr. Jones

    In that first pic, Madge looks like she’s fiending for some gold-pressed latinum.

    Or the precious… yeesssss.. my precious

  16. Amber

    Love the captions lately!

  17. Amber

    Love the captions lately!

  18. Plobes

    Madonna looks gorgeous in these pics

    props to her plastic surgeon!

  19. Julie

    Three words, Madonna…

    Crest White Strips.

  20. ItsFullOfPoop

    Gwyneth Paltrow just might be the whitest woman who ever lived…

  21. Two women well past their primes!

  22. ?????????

    ?????? ????? ???? ???, ??????, ???????????, ??? ??, ??? ?? ?????? ???????????? ??? ????, ???


    Wheres a suicide bomber when you need one?

    I swear the hadjis could fix their relationship with the world if they would take requests!…stupid bitches.

  23. sapphire eyes

    In pic #4 Madge is wearing a huge cross … and Gwenyth is sporting that cheap $0.03 piece of red string.

    I wonder where Chris Martin has been lately. Haven’t seen too many pics of the ‘happy English family’ around lately.

    …just saying…

  24. Gando

    Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna sharing the same glass!? I didn’t know these two where this close!

  25. Nero

    Italian background means lotta wine and dine!

  26. Sauron

    Women and wine! Tell me about it! There’s not much else what makes them getting in the mood!

  27. JJ Daddy-O

    I look at these pictures an all I can think of is the word “wizened”. LOOK IT UP, YO.

  28. Crucible of the Armpit Virgins

    Jesus fucking Christ getting a lap dance. How can you get over 40 and STILL look like a total skank? I bet her buh-gina looks like a pitted prune and smells like vegetarian chile.

  29. anna999

    I found a great site “”"”" Meetwealthy .c om………… “”"”"” It ‘s where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true!
    I thought everyone needed to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy :).,.,.,.

  30. ishi-san

    i can see where Lourdes got the eyebrow(s) from

  31. jBiGGs


  32. Katherine

    Actually, Madonna’s finally looking a lot better, it looks like she’s put some much-needed weight on, good. She kind of reminds me of early 90′s Madonna (hair, make-up, clothes) and that is a good thing.

  33. what did madonna eat?
    ………………….DEAD PARROTS, folks?

  34. Maturity Denied

    This woman is 50 fucking years old. Why doesn’t she do something worthwhile or at least act her fucking age? She is an old woman now. And she is taking good care of her I am quite sure naturally hairy pussy’s needs for cock with a guy more than half her age. And yet, she is raising children.She wants to adopt more poor kids. Yeah she is the next rich Mother Teresa with an active libido and grey (naturally) cunt hair.
    The other whore is one of the Great Cunts of Earth. How old is that one, 45?
    Ahhhh to be able to have so little skill and talent and worth to civilization and so much money! So much money for the few for their meaningless endeavors! That’s what we are here for. To enrich the rich by grinding away our lives to support them!
    Remember back in the days before we all worshipped the same god? We had dozens of gods to think about. Now we have famous people instead! We used to make sacrifices to them. Now we spent tons of money to watch movies.
    Nothing ever really changes in essence. Only in form. Same elements, different molecules.

  35. mikeock

    Looks like madonna ordered cock for dinner.

  36. zen

    They look the same age and I don’t mean this to be a complement.

  37. jimz80

    pic #4 – Paltrow has the squarest jaw I’ve ever seen on a chick.

  38. Those “WEIRD” front TEETH must definitrely be a big stine in her shoe for about fourty years, folks!!

  39. shanemax

    Two nasty hags with bad bleach jobs and black roots wearing Kabbalah bracelets probably discussing how much they hate America while speaking with a fake British accent. Why can’t they go skiing and not wear helmets?

  40. lucy


  41. jonas

    madonna is so damn hot, jesus girl friend is just a friend.she never date him.she already said that jesus just says wonderfull things about madge.and madonna looks hot for 50

  42. liza

    madonnas never short of men, jjesus was just a break, she’ll just move onto the next married man

  43. Tracey

    Madonna looks like Priscilla Presley now. They could be twins! Poor Old Madge.

  44. Mary

    Hope Gwen doesn’t ruin her marriage.

  45. ldy

    Good new, Funny!

  46. Nice…………

  47. I am sure that her and Gwyneth and laughing about how the blood bath in virgin for some twisted ritual of Kabbalah to remain forever young.

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