Madonna’s helping out her husband’s new movie

November 27th, 2007 // 46 Comments
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Madonna plans to use her “star power” to help promote the U.S. release of her husband Guy Ritchie’s new movie Revolver. She’s planning a premiere with Howard Stern, Ivanka Trump and some other old people. Apparently the film didn’t do too well at the Toronto Film Festival in 2005. Since then it’s been retooled for all of us here in the colonies. NY Daily News reports:

A pal says the flick was marketed to British audiences as a comedic romp similar to Ritchie’s “Snatch” – but it left them confused by its more “cerebral” theme. (Or “pretentious style and fractured storytelling,” as The Hollywood Reporter sniffed.)

After the unbridled success of Swept Away, who better to help save Guy Ritchie’s film than Madonna? Jesus, are you kidding me? If I was Guy Ritchie, I wouldn’t even let her near the DVD player. I’d be like, “Hey, movie poison, get away from the TV. Don’t make me put down this sandwich. It’s filled with delicious ham, but I’ll still come over there and tangle with those freakish man arms. Wait, did you know you have a gap between your teeth? I just noticed it. Ha ha. Gross.”

Photos: Getty Images
superficial

  1. EuroNeckPain

    Almost first !!!

  2. wiinja

    Madonna = useless

  3. IHateMadonna

    Remember when Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny went into the future and Elmer read that smellevision replaces television? Well, I was just finishing up my lunch of tuna salad…

  4. iggev

    Fish- you said “ritchies snatch”.. That’s gross!..

  5. EuroNeckPain

    “Revolver” ??? How original, for an American movie.

  6. SKANK BURRITO

    she’s beyond tired and i’m sure guy is ready for some gash that doesn’t require lubricant. old bitches need to sit down, knit scarves and bake cookies.

  7. Sarah

    guy ritchie is cute

  8. Big

    I like Howard Stern

  9. banner man

    Your only getting “revolver” now?….wow, anyway movie is bullshit bad, avoid like the plague

  10. LOLLL. good luck, dumbass.

  11. What an accomplished figure on all spectra of life. And I mean it too. It’s nice that she’s lending out a helping hand. Though, she should probably stick to not acting or helping out with guy ritchie movies. Remember the bedtime stories album? Awesome! I wish they would stop playing a league of their own so much…

  12. D. Richards (Whore.)

    Fox News said that Madonna’s planning an entire album around Ritchie’s movie. The video for her single, “Bumpin’ and grindin’ my African” will feature Madonna as a black woman-poet junky revolutionary. The video will take place during the civil rights movement; as well as portray Madonna as Martin Luther King, Jr., and Rosa Parks in the same body, at the same time: “Martin Rosa, Jr.”

    The video’s climax will show Madonna fighting World Hunger with two gigantic ovarie Sai. After defeating racism, and hunger, Madonna fly in to the sky and remain for enternity as the World’s second sun.

  13. ManiacFive

    Unless by retooled, they mean “have replaced Guy ritchies original movie with one that doesn’t suck” then i feel for any of my american brothers and sisters who accidentally see this movie.

    Maybe go fuck britney, lindsey and paris then go see revolver to realise that hey, that time with the triumvirate of evil wasn’t so bad after all, but otherwise avoid this film at all costs

  14. Jimmy Slade

    Revolver was verrrryyyy pretentious. It was a very pretty movie (classic Ritchie high-speed film shots), but not enough substance, I did enjoy the “chess” theme however.

  15. BaconMessiah

    Why not just make a hour long film of people kicking his wife in the face? I’d pay to see that shit.

  16. Kate

    But is she on meetdouch.com?

  17. LayDeeBug

    As long as she ain’t in it, all is well in the world. Amazing how all those years and lessons and she can’t act worth one good goddamn.

  18. Shallow Val

    But wiw she be tauking in a Bri-’ish accent, luv?

  19. Squiggles

    The only movie worth a damn, even if it was “bad” was who’s that girl. that’s as close to decent as she ever got.

    How is it possible to louse up every movie your in, Madonna, er, excuse me, Esther?

  20. they both need to do1t.net

  21. Squiggles

    Is she still a jew or is she just an idion again?

    My friend paid $350.00 to see her at the Garden, and I still can’t get over that. No one is worth that much money.

  22. Guy

    &14

    “After defeating racism, and hunger, Madonna fly in to the sky and remain for enternity as the World’s second sun.”

    Haha, good one…

  23. What’s the difference between karate and judo?

    Karate is used as self defense, judo is used to make bagels………

  24. joh

    “been retooled”
    I wonder what that entails exactly, I acquired it on Xvid when it came out in the UK and it was way to trippy for my THC afflicted brain to absorb to any pleasant affect.

    Look forward to seeing it in theaters here, hopefully without Madonna’s attendance. Still hoping Ritchie dumps her Hebrew schooling ass & does some more work in the UK.

  25. He can’t eat Ham, Fish. He is a devout Kabala convert, or went to a K-fed concert, or whatever!

  26. Hamfish. Now there’s a sandwich! SPAM!SPAM!SPAM!
    Ok. I’m bored. Sorry.

  27. tight lipped smiler

    Is Revolver about him sucking Madonna’s dick after he spun her around so he didn’t have to look at her kabbulah bracelet on her knarly man wrist?

  28. woodhorse

    “bumping and grinding my african”? awesome. you maybe could fill in for all those writers on strike.

  29. Kabbulah! I knew I spelled it wrong. Now I can sleep tonight (maybe)!

  30. anon

    i liked the film. Had a good original style. Maybe to much for people who didn’t get it.
    The lift scene was good. Who knew stathan could almost act and ray liotta was great.

  31. Cooper

    Revolver came out here (the UK) a couple of years ago. It really is a fking terrible pile of shit. I’m a big fan of Lock Stock and Snatch but Revolver needs to never be watched again by anyone. No one deserves to lose two hours of their life watching that horrific steaming runny arse explosion of a movie.

  32. sarah

    revolver is my all time FAVORITE movie-its f-ing awesome, its been in production in the uk for years. finally i can get a good copy instead of my boot-leg downloaded & burned off the internet :)

  33. joejoe

    She tried that same shit with Snatch…it’ll probably stink like one.

  34. Me

    when has madonna EVER has any success with movies? what dimension is this arrogant bitch living in? seriously though, thanks for the laugh fish. it always amazes me how wonderful and awesome these weirdos think they are.

  35. zz

    He’s such a handsome guy.
    Blech, get rid of Madonna

  36. yilin

    i just heard someone said on Yahoo group that she is a member of an online site sugarmommymeet.com.. you know the site is a rich women seeking fun site. Sugar mommy and sugar baby… if it is true!

  37. Spartacus

    #34…

    It’s not been “in production in the UK for years” It was released, was a pile of pooh (I like it but am in a minority of 17 people, we’ve formed a self help group now and are tsking things day-by-day)… If this baby’s being retooled…… oh whatever!

  38. toothy

    This film was utter shite in the UK and it was a huge bomb at the box office, no doubt it will be in the US too.

  39. Narcissist

    Ivanka Trump is 26.

    @5. Actually it was NY Daily News who said Ritchies Snatch was similar to a comedic romp.

    I don’t know if anything could help a Guy Ritchie movie. You can’t polish a turd. He seems like a 12th class Quentin Tarantino to me, and Tarantino could use some help.
    Madonna COULD probably make any movie worse though. The Razzies marveled at how she completely destroyed a James Bond movie although she was only on screen a few minutes (and fudged the theme song, I guess). Banderas upstaged her more in “Evita” than he upstaged Pitt in “Interview”.

    Why do some of you think Guy is attractive? I mean it’s great to like older people too, but…well, I just read that he’s about 15 years younger than he actually looks/weighs. Anyway, please explain. I want to get just the right amount of bloat.

  40. sam80

    Madonna thought she had it all figured out – marry a director, become his muse, and prove to everybody what a talented actress she is. How can anybody be that bad at acting after doing it for so long? There are some people that are very good at it, most are average, and then there is Madonna – all in a class of her own.

  41. yukadoozer

    she looks like an ‘ol jew-mustard colored teeth like toenails, grown out loopy hair….bleaaa

  42. Alexandra

    ok, so now Guy is using the old sugarmomma to try to gain some fame on his own so he can leave her and hook up with Hayden. hehe.
    Where’s her little unibrow girl by the way?

  43. me encanta Madonna es wapiiisima y una gran cantante

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