Madonna’s divorce: It was the horse’s fault

October 17th, 2008 // 60 Comments

Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage hit the skids in 2005 when Madonna was injured in a horse-riding accident. Apparently Guy didn’t fawn over Madonna enough which has been the crux of every single fight they’ve had since, a family friend told The Sun:

“If you can pinpoint an exact event or incident which spelled the death knell for them as a couple, Madonna’s horse-riding accident was it. Every other row the couple had following that boiled down to what happened that summer.”
The family friend said: “Madonna was in a huge amount of pain and expected Guy to drop everything to be at her bedside. In her mind that is what every husband should do to support his wife when she has been through a traumatic, possibly life-threatening, experience. But Guy approached the whole thing in what she now calls, ‘A very British way’.”

Madonna is now swearing off all British men because, as we learned yesterday, they’re “emotional retards:”

Pals say Madge …. now blames her man’s “no-nonsense” approach to their marriage on his British public school upbringing.
She says he was “typical of emotionally-stunted British men” and refuses to ever date another Brit. The pal said: “Madonna’s convinced British men are light years behind Americans when it comes to emotional honesty and sophistication.”

I’m sure all the English fellows are deeply saddened to learn they won’t be having sex with Madonna. I’m kidding, of course. They probably feel like they won the lottery – except instead of cash they won not Madonna’s vagina. Huzzah!

Photo: WENN
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  1. number 13, I guess generalizing isn’t really the answer. But since we’re both generalizing anyway…I’ll say this as well:

    If you Brits and Euros were so smart and so sophisticated, and we Americans were so inferior with an inferiority complex no less…why is it that we have a much higher number of more successful, collegiate, and talented folks down here in the US? Why is it that you people watch our shows and listen to our music? I can just list a sleu of innovations when it comes to technology…what do you have..the Dyson, some new lounge chairs, and the Sonic Scrubber? Oooh

    Answer me that. Btw, we don’t have to speak your English to seem intelligent and we don’t have to acquire your horrid, yucky, dry sense of humor or anything…no wonder you people have so much S/M…ya kinky weirdos.
    Pull the aristocratic stick out of your butts…and smart up already.

    No one should NOT speak your English or be like your culture simply because your culture and country are dated and old world like the rest of Europe…that is why we are who we are..why we won.

    So, sure I’m generalizing, but I’ve met so many ill educated, unattractive, imbred, and unembulient Brits and other Anglo internationals that I have to say so by now.

    So to sum:

    America: 300 million: most innovative and most economically/politically powered people to have existed beyond Roman and Egyptain cultures:
    Plus we have a higher genetic ration among one another compared to your distorted genes. I mean… ew. Many of you aren’t even genetically viable enough to be smart asses or to get ahead.

    Britian: 60 million: among the least politically powered and least interesting nations on earth…and discoverer of the Dyson vac…and a few colonies among poor nationals…that’s about all. You people are lucky you’re not speaking German and that no one has blown your genetically challenged ausses to smitherines yet. Even the SA seem more legitimate than your ilk..though many do have a much lower genetic ratio.

    Chaz.

  2. Nocountryforinformedpeople

    At no.14 – Great to see a non ignorant person posting what is true. Thanks made my day.

    At no. 20 – Nice one :)

    As for the whole Brit vs US generalisation that has turned a story about a couple getting divorced into a whose dick is bigger contest. Real impressive dicks, too bad there’s barely enough blood flow going to that thing you pretend to think with.

    The whole Madonna’s divorcing Guy thing. Well context is everything I doubt anyone will know the truth behind their marriage except the two people that were in it.

    To all those that are posting the majority of the ignorant crap regarding “whose country is better” above please feel free to take up horse ridding yourselves and make sure when it does throw you it finishes you off and removes you from our collective gene pools. one more thing debisis, way to triple post, make sure the horse throws you enough to do the job twice over.

  3. synex

    debisis,

    “If you Brits and Euros were so smart and so sophisticated, and we Americans were so inferior with an inferiority complex no less…why is it that we have a much higher number of more successful, collegiate, and talented folks down here in the US?”

    It’s got a lot to do with educating politics. I come from an european country where education is free, where you can get a master’s degree without paying any tuition fees etc. Our nation is small and yes, I can admit that we don’t have the kind of “geniuses” the US has and I’m guessing this has got a lot to do with the funding of universities. In the US, the top universities are extremely rich and they have a lot more money for research. Comparing to those universities, our universities are rather poor, because they are funded by the state. So yes, you have the geniuses, but I think the “common man” is a lot more educated in here than in the US. Personally, I prefer living in a society where the education level of people in general is high, but that’s just a matter of opinion and maybe I’d think differently if I were from the US.

    Oh, and about Madonna. Ok, she made a rather stupid comment in her show but so far I think they have handled the divorce quite well (no statements to the press, no public bashing of each other besides that one comment). And come on, I bet that after relationship ends, most of us complain about our exes to our friends. The only difference is that when she does it, it’s all over newspapers. I hope they can sort things out, they seem like decent people.

  4. The Deeg

    Phew, for a second there I thought that Madonna WASN’T aged, worn out, talentless AND rascist….oh, wait.

  5. gotmilk?

    gee, she had no problem with them for the better part of their marriage, so much as to procreate. this bitch is crazy. anyone who looks at her can tell that.

  6. hannah

    @48 – You said that Australians are not ‘ebullient’. Thats funny because here in Australia, because of the type of tourists that come here we consider Americans to be quite loud and brash. And stupid.

  7. Jon

    I’m very glad that skeletor’s mum sorry Madonna is out of the UK now ,also just the dyson i think we have invented a little more than that, do you see that computer in front of you we invented it and Oh yeah the internet your using ……. plus most of the major inventions of the modern age …….

  8. FutureAxeMurderer

    @ #41. Canada is like the World’s Spleen. We all know your there, were not sure what you do. And no-one fucking cares.

    On a side note.
    I would imagine she’s pretty emotional right now. Not that I care. But speaking from an objective standpoint, most women would be sorta emotional over something like this. Right?

    Theoretically and hypothetically what we have here is a chance for us all to do ourselves a public service.

    Since scientifically ,women are basically a bundle of hormones waiting to go awry( sometimes, you gals are. it’s proven, we know it, you know. deal with it.). Who’s to say that couldn’t be manipulated.
    If enough people took it upon themselves to; write her letters, Emails, text messages, phone calls, Blogs, and so on and so forth that she was starting to look “fat, why don’t you kill yourself”? Or cracked out, why don’t you kill yourself?. Or ugly, etc etc.. Or whatever the hell it would take to set an emotionally deranged woman off.
    Wouldn’t it be simple, to put enough negative attention/feelings her way, to send her into a downward spiral where she’d be so clinically depressed she’d try and kill herself?

    Just a thought.

    And of course, if the PartyVan is reading this. Yes I’m pretty sure that would constitute conspiracy to influence a murder/suicide. This was just a hypothetical, theoretical situation.

  9. CONGRATULATIONS BRITS!!! YAAAAY!!! Seriously, look at her. She looks like an old woman who died her hair blonde, trying to look young. Pathetic. What a crone. Look how stretch out her mouth is! Gross.

    And seriously, who would fawn over THAT?! I’d puke over it, maybe…

  10. MrHung

    White men from great britain and especially Ireland have small penises.
    Its common knowledge and everybody knows it.
    Wonders how that bitch could stand the guy for 8 years.

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