Madonna’s divorce: It was the horse’s fault

October 17th, 2008 // 60 Comments

Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage hit the skids in 2005 when Madonna was injured in a horse-riding accident. Apparently Guy didn’t fawn over Madonna enough which has been the crux of every single fight they’ve had since, a family friend told The Sun:

“If you can pinpoint an exact event or incident which spelled the death knell for them as a couple, Madonna’s horse-riding accident was it. Every other row the couple had following that boiled down to what happened that summer.”
The family friend said: “Madonna was in a huge amount of pain and expected Guy to drop everything to be at her bedside. In her mind that is what every husband should do to support his wife when she has been through a traumatic, possibly life-threatening, experience. But Guy approached the whole thing in what she now calls, ‘A very British way’.”

Madonna is now swearing off all British men because, as we learned yesterday, they’re “emotional retards:”

Pals say Madge …. now blames her man’s “no-nonsense” approach to their marriage on his British public school upbringing.
She says he was “typical of emotionally-stunted British men” and refuses to ever date another Brit. The pal said: “Madonna’s convinced British men are light years behind Americans when it comes to emotional honesty and sophistication.”

I’m sure all the English fellows are deeply saddened to learn they won’t be having sex with Madonna. I’m kidding, of course. They probably feel like they won the lottery – except instead of cash they won not Madonna’s vagina. Huzzah!

Photo: WENN
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  1. ph7

    He probably was just despondent that the horse didn’t finish the job.

  2. Sgt. C. Foxtrot

    We need a Mortal Combat pic like the one with Christopher Reeve, except with a Mercy ending. Somebody, get to it.

  3. Sgt. C. Foxtrot

    We need a Mortal Combat pic like the one with Christopher Reeve, except with a Mercy ending. Somebody, get to it.

  4. supersex

    she got caught fucking the horse

  5. Deacon Jones

    Emotionally stunted – aka – he doesn’t give a shit

  6. Everyone knows Madge is a size queen, she probably was trying to get a date with the horse,,, then* whooops* someone got toss

    I heard during the accident the horse exclaim- Im not into Bestiality off em me…

  7. Sarah Palin's Boy Toy

    Madonna you hag, you are not a milf. Sarah Palin is the queen of all milfs.

  8. Awww elllo mayte! me lady just fell off a horse but i fancy, lets have us a pint then shall we ?

    http://www.howtolosegirls.com

  9. Rant

    Look at his eyes. He is thinking “help me, for the love of god help me”.

    Life will better now, Guy. You are free.

  10. v tard

    Oh hey look, I think I see a double standard approaching.

  11. Missile

    Haha charming. She spends several years desperately passing herself off as English, even with a creepy fake accent and now it’s apparently the British who are ‘retarded’…

  12. stickykeys

    oh yeah, i’m 100% sure A-Rod is more mature emotionally than Guy Ritchie.
    Dumbass.

  13. Yank and Wank - they rhyme for a reason

    How ridiculous it was only a couple of years ago she was trying to be like us, talk like us and went to ridiculous lengths down to embarrassing herself by using cockney rhyming slang and talking in an English accent. Booo Hoooooo Guy did not pander to you you pathetic retarded spoilt bratty bitch, we are the best precisely because we have a stiff upper lip, which is probably what she liked about Guy in the first place.
    Americans have such an inferiority complex when it comes to Europeans.
    Well although obviously you are culturally, emotionally & educationally inferior so its understandable.

  14. Person

    Anyone who reduces the quality of a person to their nationality, or believes that the inhabitants of one nation are superior to those of another, automatically qualifies as retarded. People are not that homogeneous, and making these kinds of generalizations does nothing but indicate that the person making them is small-minded and ignorant.

    Congrats to #13 for joining the retard club!!! (and to Madonna, for renewing her membership)

    Now make the world smarter and jump off a bridge.

  15. Jeff W.

    I’ve always despised Madonna. She has always walked around with an undeserved sense of entitlement and she’s the adult version of the spoiled brat. Ever since her movie, Truth or Dare, which showcased what an awful person she is to deal with, I’ve never understood her appeal to others. When I hear the word “Diva” I think “Arrogant horrible person”. This divorce is not the least bit surprising. The only thing surprising is that Guy stuck it out for as long as he did. It mus’tve been sheer torture to manage her mood swings. I’m glad she’s beginning to resemble a with.

  16. daisy

    My best friends linda told me she met a handsome guy at a club called [___"tallhub.com"___] where many sexy singles how like sports there.I’m a white girl, can I meet my handsome guy there? Single guys, will you find your girl there?

  17. gigi

    well… she’s jewish now – kaballah-style even! it’s all fine & dandy for a woman to divorce her husband even if he blinks not to her liking….. ha! hope A-Rod is ready…..

  18. Erik

    Nice story, but their marriage was over when she started to grow a penis.

    But, A-Rod is the perfect man for her now – he even wears lipstick.

  19. Guest

    OMFG
    look at her
    She has enough money to fill those
    in. That is disgusting.

  20. Leslie

    Dear Madonna:

    It’s an amazing notion, but sometimes if you’re nice and supportive of your husband, and don’t go screwing baseball players behind his back, he will sometimes feel warm and nice toward you when something happens like getting thrown from a horse.

    It is a tough concept, but one that has worked for me.

    -Leslie

  21. Anon

    If she thinks British men are emotionally stinted then she should try dating british women and she’ll understand.

    Well it’s not like she can date herself so this is the next best alternative.

  22. I liked Madonna in my youth, before I realized what she really is. She is just another “over rated pop star” who uses her status to spew out slander with anyone who disagrees with her. She has no credibility when it comes to being a real woman of class, honor and dignity. She has gotten filthy rich off of people and their hunger for cheap thrills. The only thing she contributes to our world is her defiling behavior. She demands the world to clean up their act…singing of peace, love and world suffering. Madonna is a true hypocrite…she’s the one who needs to clean up her act. What is she truly doing to help human suffering? Most of her time is spent having sex with anything and everything, calling it “artistic expression”.

  23. PunkA

    Madonna calling Guy stunted emotionally is hilarious. Madonna is a narcissist and always has been. It all has to revolve around her, and if people do not bow down to her, she gets all upset. Her career comes first, her life comes first. Her wants come first. And if she needs you, drop everything and pander to her selfishness. How anyone can stand being around her is beyond me. She sucks as a human being. Name some good causes she has forwarded?

  24. just

    Dear Mr Ritchie,

    You are an annoying cunt, but I do sincerely hope you take this dispicable woman to the cleaners in the divorce. You made the mistake of marrying the kind of cock hungry, egotistical, attention whoring, shameless, hypocritical skank that will NEVER be satisfied so you were screwed from day one old boy.

    The very least you should get for basically saving EVERY other man on the planet from Maddona for the last 8 years is a whacking great pile of cash. So, I offer the following piece of advice… whatever number you are thinking of as a settlement… QUADRUPLE IT! Unfortunately, having children with something like this means.. you will know her until your very last day on earth. Factor this into your settlement too! The “I will have to talk/see Mum-fucking-Ra until die” clause should be in big, bold letters.

    Sort it.

  25. Who filed for divorce? It keeps sounding like Guy did. And there went her and Gwyneth’s friendship. Gwyneth’s married to a Brit!

  26. CaptainMorgan

    Hopefully Guy will get some real young and hot chicks – not ones that look like grandma/pa trannys. Overall, HE’s the winner.

  27. SaucyTango

    Jesus.. and all she broke was her collarbone in that horseriding accident. I’ve been thrown from a horse and broke my collarbone and it’s no big deal. You get a brace to hold your shoulders back, you are completely mobile, you wear the brace for six weeks, maybe put some ice on it and take some vicodin when your collarbone aches. You are never in a “huge amount of pain” or bedridden. God. What an whiney babyish attention whore.

  28. Mike Litoris

    #24 Great Post
    #13 Go back to your mom’s basement and continue wanking

  29. Lala

    I’m not a big Madonna fan, but that is kind of mean. When I’m sick and bedridden, my boyfriend doesn’t stay by my bed 24/7 (he has work), but he stays as long as he can and does check in to make sure I’m ok, and he is willing to do absolutely anything I ask of him if it will make me feel better. I do the same for him. We’re not even married. I’d hope it would be like that in marriage too.

    But if the other poster is correct and she wasn’t legitimately bedridden, it makes it different. She might have been being melodramatic to milk the situation, and maybe he saw through it.

    Why am I even trying to figure this out, gah, I need something productive to do.

  30. farty_mcshitface

    the poor dude, all these years putting up with her shit. typical woman bullshit, she holds a fucking grudge forever. the horse incident was her one true chance to have everything be about her and she didn’t get it so now she has to go from super-bitch to super-ultra-bitch.
    he was one tough guy to put up with all the horrors he must have faced. i mean seriously, she will never die since her frightful appearance gives the grim reaper nightmares. how he was ever able to get it up for her and do the terrible deed must have taken powerful hallucinogens and more courage than most.
    well guy, rejoice- you are finally free!!!!!!!

  31. pat

    It’s true !

    British men are light years behind Americans when it comes to being pussy-whipped.

  32. Jakey

    So on the one hand that bullshit accent is probably going at last, but on the other hand she’s probably moving back here. Someone should start telling her how cutting-edge and cosmopolitan it is to be Greenlandic.

  33. Jamie's Uterus

    What will the next accent be? Since she is a fake Jew named Esther and supposed to be coming back to New York City, I suspect she’ll turn into some sort of Bubby or Yenta type and so ‘oy vey’ a lot.

    If that horse just threw her a little bit harder, and maybe further………

  34. Guest

    OMFG
    look at her ROOTS
    She has enough money to fill those
    in. That is disgusting.

  35. eyepopper

    Ironically, if you read between the lines, it’s Madonna that’s emotionally stunted. Perhaps it’s due to a lack of a mother figure in her formative years. Daddy just didn’t make the grade, did he, Madge?

  36. FormerBritLover

    I used to be a brit lover. I perfected the accent, flew to the UK twice and spent about 6 months in London and all over England. I even tattooed myself with the Union Jack.

    The man I was involved with came at me with the sex approach of a school age boy, and expected me to be his teacher. He was extremely immature about it. When I told him that his ‘uncircumcised’ penis would need to be ‘clean’ (ah-hm, shower, brits? Anyone shower over there?) before I did any business with it, he just acted like I hurt his feelings. In this country, we are some pretty tidy people.

    British men underdeveloped, insecure, and way too complacent for me. Grow some balls already.

  37. Erika

    This makes me feel bad for her. Madonna may be tough as hell, but she’s a person too, and all people want to feel as if people care for them, especially when they’re hurt and especially by their spouse. She broke eight bones in that fall, that’s no small thing. I can definitely believe her feelings could change for him after that- I’ve dealt with the same thing myself- a certain incident shows a different side of the person you thought you knew, and things are never the same after that.

  38. Suzy

    Okay. Richie is like a million times more bangable than that blonde cryptkeeper. Could you imagine waking up from a nightmare next to that? I would probably try to stab her with the nearest sharpened bedpost. I don’t blame him for making fun of her aging horridly and not being able to accept that she is getting older; I would be miserable married to such a weird looking freak. Good luck to him to find someone normal, attractive, and mentally healthy.

  39. I’m curious: She knows th meaning of the word: H O R S E H I T?

  40. fumanchu

    I think its simply because once she had A-Rods big fat bat, she couldn’t go back to that boiled British teeny weenie….

  41. Arioch

    America vs. England….who’s best

    easy, Canadians are better than everyone.

    Jealous of Europeans? Have you EVER been around north London & interacted with the fucking junkies along the canal or have your flat broken into by a Chav? Been to anything other than the tourist sites in Naples? Tried talking to a Parisian? Been bar hopping with Icelanders, who are QUITE small minded about anything different?

    Oh my my, those are all generalizations! Assholes abound everywhere.

    EXCEPT CANADA.

  42. This is HORSESHIT indeed, folks!!

  43. Brett

    Crap…she’s going have to drop the English accent now.

  44. neverbeenayanklover

    Formerbritlover

    you’re what i hate about women.
    You expect men to know everything about sex because you don’t and do everything for you but should a time comes when you meet a man who ends up taking your role you’re stuck.
    Don’t know what to do.

    Maybe you should’ve been sensitive to his needs and taught him, though i think you’re the one who needs teaching, like you obviously expect men to for you.

    Also in my experience women take the notion of having self cleaning privates a little too far.
    I hope you had a thorough wash down there instead of demanding he did.
    Somehow i get the feeling his feelings were hurt not because of what you asked but the callus way you asked it.

    Learn to respect men and you might be surprised at what you get back in return.

  45. GG1000

    Of course, she’s so sophisticated, airing her grievances against her son’s father on stage and writing songs about them. She’s really, really pathetic and he’s well shot of her. I’ll bet he never says a word to the media about it either; he seems to have some genuine class.

  46. J Baker

    Are they sure the horse didn’t fall on her – a la Catherine the Great?

  47. J Baker

    Are they sure the horse didn’t fall on her – a la Catherine the Great?

  48. I work in the yachting industry that although is supported mostly by American dollars, is mostly crewed by Anglo Internationals. So when Madonna says that British guys are emotionally retarded…I don’t believe she’s lying.

    Aside from the very Anti American attitudes, Brits, Aussies, SAs, and Kiwis from NZ are among the most unembulient people Í’ve ever met…maybe second would be some Asian cultures.

    That and these people come to the states and steal American jobs while gaining employment illegally. Very profound and general for me to say…well it’s true. I’ve seen it enough to write this down:

    http://h1.ripway.com/debisis/flyer3_immigration.rtf

  49. number 13, I guess generalizing isn’t really the answer. But since we’re both generalizing anyway…I’ll say this as well:

    If you Brits and Euros were so smart and so sophisticated, and we Americans were so inferior with an inferiority complex no less…why is it that we have a much higher number of more successful, collegiate, and talented folks down here in the US? Why is it that you people watch our shows and listen to our music? I can just list a sleu of innovations when it comes to technology…what do you have..the Dyson, some new lounge chairs, and the Sonic Scrubber? Oooh

    Answer me that. Btw, we don’t have to speak your English to seem intelligent and we don’t have to acquire your horrid, yucky, dry sense of anything…no wonder you people have so much kinky s and m stuff. Pull the aristocratic stick out of your butts…and smart up already.

    We should NOT speak your English or be like your culture simply because your culture and country are dated and old world like the rest of Europe…that is why we are who we are..why we won.

    So, sure I’m generalizing, but I’ve met so many ill educated and unembulient Brits and other Anglo internationals that I have to say so by now.

    So to sum:

    America: 300 million: most innovative and most economically/politically powered people to have existed beyond Roman and Egyptain cultures:

    Britian: 60 million: among the least politically powered and least interesting nations on earth…and discoverer of the Dyson vac…and a few colonies among poor nationals…that’s about all. You people are lucky you’re not speaking German and that no one has blown your genetically challenged ausses to smitherines yet. Even the SA seem more legitimate than your ilk.

    Chaz.

  50. number 13, I guess generalizing isn’t really the answer. But since we’re both generalizing anyway…I’ll say this as well:

    If you Brits and Euros were so smart and so sophisticated, and we Americans were so inferior with an inferiority complex no less…why is it that we have a much higher number of more successful, collegiate, and talented folks down here in the US? Why is it that you people watch our shows and listen to our music? I can just list a sleu of innovations when it comes to technology…what do you have..the Dyson, some new lounge chairs, and the Sonic Scrubber? Oooh

    Answer me that. Btw, we don’t have to speak your English to seem intelligent and we don’t have to acquire your horrid, yucky, dry sense of humor or anything…no wonder you people have so much S/M…ya kinky weirdos.
    Pull the aristocratic stick out of your butts…and smart up already.

    No one should NOT speak your English or be like your culture simply because your culture and country are dated and old world like the rest of Europe…that is why we are who we are..why we won.

    So, sure I’m generalizing, but I’ve met so many ill educated, unattractive, imbred, and unembulient Brits and other Anglo internationals that I have to say so by now.

    So to sum:

    America: 300 million: most innovative and most economically/politically powered people to have existed beyond Roman and Egyptain cultures:
    Plus we have a higher genetic ration among one another compared to your distorted genes. I mean… ew. Many of you aren’t even genetically viable enough to be smart asses or to get ahead.

    Britian: 60 million: among the least politically powered and least interesting nations on earth…and discoverer of the Dyson vac…and a few colonies among poor nationals…that’s about all. You people are lucky you’re not speaking German and that no one has blown your genetically challenged ausses to smitherines yet. Even the SA seem more legitimate than your ilk..though many do have a much lower genetic ratio.

    Chaz.

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