Madonna’s children must only play with toys that are ‘spiritually and ethically sound’

November 11th, 2008 // 132 Comments

Above is the set of rules Madonna sent Guy Ritchie whose sons, Rocca and David, are with him in London. Jesus Christ, does this lady have some balls. Scope out some of these demands (via The Daily Mail):

1. All water must be Kabbalah-blessed water.
2. No man-made fibers in their clothing.
3. No newspapers, magazines, TV or DVDs.
4. Guy Ritchie must not be photographed in public with them.
5. David has to be read the English Rose books (written by Madonna) every night before bed.

So, basically Guy Ritchie has to carry his kids in a shoebox full of Kashi and Madonna books. There’s Holocaust survivors reading this post going “Wow, what a bitch.”

Photos: Daily Mail, WENN

  1. lola richie

    I understand organic foods and staying away from many television programs. The rest of the list makes me feel awful bad for Guy :( The sad thing is that people in my family would call me crazy and compare me to Madonna because I only eat organic foods and I don’t accept or buy anything that is made in China.

  2. Anon

    Lola, you sound just like madonna.

    Lola RICHIE? You’re not related are you?

  3. gtb

    perdonally, i cant stand the c~nt.
    thats said, doesn’t this sniff of BS. the boys? though she had a girl and a boy?

  4. Anon

    Two boys with madge and a girl from a previous relationship.

  5. LL

    She has 2 boys, 1 she had with Ritchie, the other one she adopted from some country in Africa (Malawi? can’t remember). The oldest kid is Lourdes, whose biological dad is some Cuban guy. Guess she won’t be allowed to visit her stepfather, poor thing. She’s stuck with that nightmarish old bitch at least until she’s old enough to run far away, hopefully to join the Republican Party and wear polyester.

    Yes, I’m ashamed I know that much about Madonna’s familial relations.

    And I believe every word of this report. It sounds exactly like something a control freak like Madonna would try to impose. But unless it’s all part of an official custody agreement (unless UK law differs dramatically from US law), it’s not enforceable.

    Please, could someone in London who drives a double decker bus “accidentally” run over Madonna when she’s crossing the street and spare her poor children a life of nothing but religious bullshit and crappy food?

  6. hendero

    Madonna has two sons – Rocco and David Banda. I’m sure it’s a grave concern to Madge the Vaj that David, who just turned three, might start flirting with Guy’s female friends. Who when they read this story will offer him every kind of sex he wants. Guy I mean, not David B.

  7. Just me

    Isn’t there some Kabbulah Island Madonna can go and live on?


    Can we make one up?

  8. Ella

    The only one I agree with is not talking about the separation. Other than that, fuck Madonna and her whack rules.

    Who can actually be a parent (and have fun with their kids) when they’re trying to follow bizarre rules like these?

  9. Cest Moi

    This “Kabballah” she’s practising is a cult and has absolutely nothing to do with real judaism.

  10. Anon

    So she doesn’t want the kids meeting any new friends of Guys, especially female friends yet she’s been pictured running of for secret rendezvous while the kids I guess were with her.

    Whos to say that the biggest reason she’s sent the kids to him is so she can keep up those meets and not have to worry about child care.

    Wouldn’t surprise me.

    Guy should be thankful of the affair because she seems like the kind of ex-wife that would deliberately keep the kids from ever seeing their Father out of spite unless it suits her.

    If this affair stops and Guy doesn’t get custody (in the UK he won’t) then he can expect to see them a lot less.

  11. Valkyrie

    Ppppfffffffffffffffffft. Like any of that shit is true.

    Madonna will be around long after all of us are dead. she is Xenu. DAH.

  12. Valkyrie

    I cannot believe you people think this shit is true. She’s boring and a control freak, but these rules are just too awesome to be true. Since when has she been around anything awesome?

    Madonna will be around long after all of us are dead. she is Xenu. DAH.

  13. Deej

    #94, Too soon?

  14. victor

    I liked her better when she was sucking cock at the FunHouse all those years ago.

  15. Ex-Londoner

    You know how I know this stuff is fake? Because it was posted in the Daily Mail. The Mail is one of the shittiest papers in England, like an even sleazier, tabloidier version of the NY Post. The people that read that paper are the British equivalent of redneck, right-wing Middle Americans. Yes, we all know Madonna is a total control freak, and so does she, but this “list” is pure bullshit. The Daily Mail is never right.

  16. sapphire eyes

    Two words for this hypocritical botoxed nutcase:

    Dennis Rodman

  17. Jibbly Bigginso

    Wow – what a bitch. She’s putting hem on her own obsessive vegetarian diet and preventing them from learning about the world. And the religious water – just stupid. I loved her Confessions tour and I always defend her when people insult her looks – but shit, what a haggish freak. She’s more of a control freak to her children than the most conservative evangelicals in the south.

  18. ecs90025

    Wow, this woman is a complete lunatic! And so is Guy Ritchie if he obeys this list of lunacy. They are his kids, too (well at least he helped to raise them). I hope he has his own set of normal rules or else I have zero respect for him as a man. This is nuts! I’m officially disgusted with Madonna.

  19. 1moreidiotintheworld

    Guy should send those rules back to her with a giant shit stain smeared all over from him wiping his ass on it…. along with a video of him and his kids throwing back some cold beers at a Hooters while watching WWF on the big screen……………

    K razy
    A ss
    B rainwashing
    B ullshit for
    A ny
    L azy
    A ss
    H ollywood star

  20. jamima

    her kids will become hitler

  21. zane hansell

    i really dont think all of that is true

  22. Sideshow Bob

    This stuff is TomCruise-MichaelJackson crazy…heheh.

  23. Amy

    It’s a bit of a tell that they use the deliberately vague phrase “is said to have issued,” yet ten proceed to print a very precise, detailed set of rules. The other thing is that this looks a list that a control-freak parent would provide to a new nanny, not the man she had just spent the last several years raising these kids with – again, there’s just way too much detail that he would logically already know.

  24. STFUP

    Wow. What a paranoid & over-controlling bitch! Guy is probably thanking God for getting him out of that hell & I pray for those children. They’re gonna grow up so f’d up w/ those types of restrictions it’s not even funny.
    Hey Madonna, just FYI, no TV, DVD or newspapers is the way they treat inmates at maximum security prisons.
    You can’t hide the world from your kids. It will do more harm than you can imagine.

  25. Anon

    we don’t have Hooters in England in that video he should be at Stringfellows

  26. Blah

    So does that mean all the ridiculous shit she wears on stage are all made of natural fibers? Practice what you preach lady. And let your kids catch a cold once in a while, it’s good for them.

  27. THis seems too ridiculous to be real. Maybe it was leaked or made up to make Madonna look bad or worse than she does now.

  28. Sasha

    … and I thought my husbands ex was a controlling Narcissistic Bitch! What was I thinking?

  29. “So, basically Guy Ritchie has to carry his kids in a shoebox full of Kashi and Madonna books.” totally made me snort.

  30. fucking bitch, how can se be such a whore and try to pretend she’s a good mom?
    she used to eat from the trash and now she doesn’t drink water form the sink

    poor kids are gonna go crazy when they realize the real world, or their bitch mom. at least david is adopted

  31. Brunettes Take Over

    LOL Madonna is the worse…not Britney Spears bad but she’s right up there. Oh my goodness, her children will so rebel. Can’t wait!

  32. Master of The Obvious

    60 million doesn’t buy much these days.

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