Madonna’s children must only play with toys that are ‘spiritually and ethically sound’

November 11th, 2008 // 132 Comments

Above is the set of rules Madonna sent Guy Ritchie whose sons, Rocca and David, are with him in London. Jesus Christ, does this lady have some balls. Scope out some of these demands (via The Daily Mail):

1. All water must be Kabbalah-blessed water.
2. No man-made fibers in their clothing.
3. No newspapers, magazines, TV or DVDs.
4. Guy Ritchie must not be photographed in public with them.
5. David has to be read the English Rose books (written by Madonna) every night before bed.

So, basically Guy Ritchie has to carry his kids in a shoebox full of Kashi and Madonna books. There’s Holocaust survivors reading this post going “Wow, what a bitch.”

Photos: Daily Mail, WENN

  1. Ted Mosby

    I wonder if Madge has a problem with wire hangers?

  2. dang

    me.. first!

    thank god madonna is not my mother!

  3. zombie

    There she dies, zombified!

  4. hudy

    She was said to be fond of Internet recently. Some of her fans found her on a millionaire & celebrity dating club ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^^. She has a personal account there with her pictures, blog and something about her albums..

  5. Max Planck

    A good example of mentally unsound.

  6. havoc

    Bitch thinks she’s in charge of something.

    I’d let the kids look at her SEX book at bedtime.

    “See mommy? Yeah…….”


  7. JaidenPaidin

    What a UberBitch.

    People make fun of Scientology. Kabbalah sounds just as bad.

    Guy must be thanking his Jesus that now he can get back to pursuing some much Younger, Finer, Sweeter piece of ass.


    Hail Mary

  8. Rossi

    I honestly don’t know why I’m surprised. Who would know better how to zombie-fy children than the Queen of the Dead herself?

  9. Bleh

    This is my nurder is easier than divorce….

  10. gotmilk?

    um they’re his kids too. what a bitch on wheels!

  11. TUBBO

    The children are NEVER to sleep with teddy bears…..just Madonna’s used jock straps.

  12. GiggityGoo

    Madonna is an animal that needs to be put to sleep!

  13. You have a desperate & old aunt?

  14. Road Fury

    The pride of Bay City, Michigan

  15. teo

    she is fxxxxng out of mind……..

  16. pelps

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  17. KimberWolf

    I hope he has a photo taken outside of a movie theater showing “Desperately Seeking Susan” with all of their tongues sticking out at the camera.

  18. jamie

    hahha madonna is such a loser

  19. Sofa_King

    A-Rod, are you reading this? For your own sake, I hope so.

  20. sapphire eyes

    Sweet Jesus, what an unlucky break for those children.

    One of the joys of raising young children is seeing how interested they become in reading if allowed freedom to read age-appropriate books, and listening to them make up their own stories and expand their creativity.

    Does this B.I.T.C.H. want children who will pursue their own passions or be little uber-robots of their psycho-control freak “mother”?

    She treats her children as posessions, not human souls to nurture and love.

    Time to take a swipe at this useless bitch, Karma.

  21. simplicity

    “Papa don’t preach”


  22. Sport

    “Do not let them watch me on Tales From The Crypt.”

  23. dork

    And, at no time whatsoever shall the boys be subjected to my music, nor any video of my performances, so as not to stain their psyche or their angelic visions of me.

  24. shanipie

    Wait so they can’t wear anything made of man made materials, but they have to constantly disinfect themselves with man made sanitizer….hmmmmm

    By law he doesn’t have to follow all those rules. I hope he lets them run around a huge toy store, play video games, gets them happymeals at mcdonalds, eat plenty of candy soda and ice cream and then get their pictures taken wearing their pajamas out in public.


    Kabbalah water? 4 Phone calls a DAY?
    Can’t read newspapers or magazines?
    The children can’t meed Guy’s new friends?

    This woman is an unbalanced control freak, and Ritchie should tell her that her demands are unreasonable and that children should be allowed to think and learn for themselves- not be isolated from the world.

    She is a terrible mother and needs to learn how to let go.

  26. supersex

    she need to get that dick out of her mouth, lack of oxygen must have given her brain damage.

  27. TamIAm

    Hey kids, who wants to go get a Happy Meal from McDonald’s, maybe with some of that special orange drink diluted with water from the bathroom sink. Let’s really go crazy and buy some polyester shirts while we’re out!

  28. TamIAm

    Hey kids, who wants to go get a Happy Meal from McDonald’s, maybe with some of that special orange drink diluted with water from the bathroom sink. Let’s really go crazy and buy some polyester shirts while we’re out!

  29. J-Bob

    GUY is simply going to ignore her (so are the kids).

    Under his roof, its his rules, as long as the kids aren’t abused.

    She don’t like it? She can go spit out a few more with A-Rod.

  30. Did you hear, Lindsay Lohan might be bisexual!

  31. Jackson'shole

    I’m firmly on Guy’s side now. I hate this bitch more every day. God she is fucking hideous and I would love to tell her that to her nasty ass face. You suck cunt!

  32. bartokf

    I don’t understand Kabbalah – toys must be spiritually sound but she can sing “Like a Virgin” and gyrate on the stage.

  33. AteIsEnough

    I wonder about her “ethics” . What a frickin’ nut job! I said this before while posting, fame and fortune makes people retarded and weird!!

  34. coffeebean

    What those kids really want are toy spears to play with and a bucket of fried chicken for dinner.

  35. Ted from LA

    Can you imagine being this fucking crazy and probably not even knowing it? I’ll bet her PA is writing all this shit down for a future book deal.

  36. Yea - blah blah

    Geez I cant believe that people actually pay to hear her sing.

    As far as the rules go….wow what a bitch!

    Seriously what a fruitcake

  37. BigJim

    You know, I read through all that and it seemed pretty reasonable to me.

    Except for him having to read the kids the Madonna books at bedtime. That’s just cruel and unusual punishment.

  38. Champ Burger

    #24 & #27/28:

    I second the Happy Meal scenario. Please God, let these kids get some sense of normalcy from their papa’s side of the family. And let their grandparents sneak in as much time with them as they want, because they won’t be around forever.

    Man, she’s a royal PITA, isn’t she? I wonder how she reacted about the photos — that have already appeared — of Guy and the boys?

    She really went off the deep end, spiritually. But she’s never been known for moderation, so it’s no surprise she’s so extreme about all this, too.

  39. ChuckleHead

    @38 – You got that right.

  40. BO

    Looks like a great resume for my Surgeon General appointment.

  41. Alex

    Besides the mandatory Kabbalah (personally, I don’t feel like the Kabbalah is for children & that they should choose their own spiritual paths) and jealous-bitch stuff, this is what all parents should do for their children. My future children will *gasp* read books and be fed only the most nutritious food instead of the cancerous “American” diet. I’m considering homeschooling, too, so they will not be exposed to the propaganda in schools, especially when it comes to nutrition.

  42. Wow, that’s a crazy list. I mean, I could understand wanting the kids to eat healthy or not being exposed to her music videos, but she does realize she’s talking about humans and not robots, right?

  43. grobpilot

    You know this miserable cunt will grill those kids once they get back home. Every word they say will be used against Guy to declare him unfit to see them again. Typical vindictive cunt tactics. He may as well let them watch “Body of Evidence” as many times as they want, just so they know exactly what mommy is. Hypocritical snag.

  44. peip


    fucking crazy bitch!

  45. Oh God. If I was one of her kids I would be a cutter. She’s a nutjob. I hope Guy takes them out drinking with him and his posse of whore groupies.

  46. Guy Ritchie had a lucky escape. This old hag is clinically insane……

  47. Sport

    #43 You are fucked up Alex.
    My AMERICAN kids already eat healthy and read 2 hours a day. Your school paranoia is nauseating and you shouldnt be allowed to procreate. You fag.

  48. Rant

    Can her kids access the internet to read about their whore of a mother here on the Superficial?

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