Madonna’s spokeswoman announced today that she had a minor procedure for a hernia and is “absolutely fine now.” I know being a celebrity means you’re a public figure, but it doesn’t mean you have to announce every little thing that happens in your life. If you start dating Gary Coleman fine, announce it. If you rob a bank, okay. But a hernia? If you’re going to give out disgusting private details of your life, at least make them interesting like a really perverted sexual practice. But telling everybody about your hernia is like announcing you have explosive diarrhea. Which, uh, would actually be pretty funny. So forget everything I just said and bring on the explosive diarrhea. Like literally bring it on. I want to be covered in it.
Madonna treated for hernia
February 16th, 2006 // 50 Comments
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debs | February 16, 2006 at 2:32 pm
“I am a private person. Please respect that and allow me to live a normal life.”
She must not be getting any good press lately, not stirring up the fans, keeping her name in the press. They’re all whores for the press when people finally leave them alone.
Binky | February 16, 2006 at 2:38 pm
I saw a bit of her dance routine at the Grammy’s. It looked like it could be both a hernia and explosive diarrhea, the poor dear.
Devil Is Chrome | February 16, 2006 at 2:41 pm
Uh oh…now she’s feeling her age.
I’ll just sit back and wait for her to get even more bizarre.
Woo-hoo! Train wreck ahead!
LaydeeBug | February 16, 2006 at 2:44 pm
The old gray mare just ain’t what she used to be.
I can just hear her, speaking like an old Jewish man saying “Oy, my hoinea is acting up aGAIN?!” That’s right I said Jewish, ‘cuz remember folks, Esther is JEWISH now. Havah, nagila havaaaaaaa…
ESQ | February 16, 2006 at 2:51 pm
In the news today…
Katie Holmes has skipped her period, possibly pregnant…
Paris Hilton is anxiously waiting to find out if she will get her period, hoping she is not pregnant….
The Olson Twins do not get their period, as it appears they have not and probably will not reach puberty. On the other hand, is it that once your anorexic you do not get periods at all…?
Lastly, Madonna has officially reached menopause.
Now excuse me I now have a mad case of the shits
Sangiovese | February 16, 2006 at 3:00 pm
I’m sorry, was that “public life” or “pubic life”? All this talk about hernias has me a bit confused.
Realistic | February 16, 2006 at 3:05 pm
Is she still “pulling her groin”??? I thought she grew out of that when she stopped wearing the cone bras…..
drowningfool | February 16, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Did anyone else hear about the massive FART she let slip at the Grammys? Apparently the hag was blowing ass all night. In case you’re not disgusted enough by her already. Have a nice day!
LaydeeBug | February 16, 2006 at 3:15 pm
SUPERFICIAL, can you please find some trash on Jennifer Lopez? I’ve been jonesing for a month to bash that bitch.
Also, please find some stuff about Tara Reid, Colin Farrel and Crack-ho, I mean Lindsay Lohan?
I’m paying good money here…..
pookiedoo | February 16, 2006 at 3:38 pm
Lovin it, ESQ! I can always count on you to make me laugh, even as deeply depressed as I am knowing that Madonna went through such a horrible, common ordeal. I thought only common peasants like us suffered from hernias…
suburbanlegend | February 16, 2006 at 3:45 pm
Still love Madonna. As a 47 year old with a hernia, she’s still got a body that puts Jennifer Love Lindsay Hilton to shame.
LaydeeBug | February 16, 2006 at 3:55 pm
#11, a Pinto’s body puts those girls to shame.
Man0lo | February 16, 2006 at 4:05 pm
isn’t it stupid to make a dance record at 48?
who is her manager? homer simpson?
LoneWolf | February 16, 2006 at 4:19 pm
The hernia was the result of the strain of lugging around that massive ego of hers. She belongs on the scrap heap of irrelevant used-to-be’s.
Chris Penn’s death? Evidence that the devil came a-collectin’ on that deal he made with Sean, way back when.
rachel | February 16, 2006 at 4:22 pm
I have no idea what a hernia is
LaydeeBug | February 16, 2006 at 4:34 pm
Hernia my culo, that’s her Weinerschnitzel!
boo | February 16, 2006 at 4:43 pm
you know, i think she looks great for her age… however, just because you can wear a leotard doesnt mean you should. her outfit at the grammys made me want to vomit.
mamacita | February 16, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Zang!! Has anyone considered that getting herself into that leotard is what caused the hernia in the first place? I mean, come on, yeah, sure she looks great for being almost 50, but what the hell is she thinking?!! She’s wearing a leotard IN PUBLIC!!! The old bone structure can’t be what it used to, and what with the contortions that are necessary to get oneself in a leotard, what do you expect? Besides, a hernia is what she gets for doing all the stupid shite she does, like writing kids books(who wants their kids reading a book written by a thoroughly documented ho?)
theczechwreck | February 16, 2006 at 6:11 pm
I’m so tired of hearing about how great all these women look “considering their age.” Of course they look better than the average 50 year old, they’re millionaires and billionaires. If you had that much money for a personal trainer, live-in chef, cosmetics, relaxation, and plastic surgery, you’d look just as good if not better than whatsherass…
HollyJ | February 16, 2006 at 6:11 pm
“No…not my cute vagina… I said ACUTE ANGINA.”
HollyJ | February 16, 2006 at 6:13 pm
“No…not my cute vagina… I said ACUTE ANGINA.”
dimestoredetective | February 16, 2006 at 6:17 pm
whore
hafaball | February 16, 2006 at 6:42 pm
she is getting old now, it’ll be funny when Maddonna has Alzheimer’s!! hehe “Where’d I put that strap-on Guy? XD
LaydeeBug | February 16, 2006 at 6:52 pm
And WHAT’s with the That 70′s Show hair flip-wings? I have pictures of myself in the 6th grade with that do. I hated it then and I hate it now. She is totally runnin that look.
Retro sucks. (Unless it’s reruns of Twilight Zone) Remember the episode where MADONNA LOOKS STUPID!?
Zanna | February 16, 2006 at 7:13 pm
I can’t stand her. GET OFF THE STAGE ALREADY. It’s done..it’s OVER….go home and practice your FAKE ENGLISH ACCENT!
Ing | February 16, 2006 at 8:00 pm
Hmmm someone does not like the fact shes getting OLDER.She looks pretty good but she is in her mid 40′s and look at her busy lifestyle..no wonder shes got a Hernia..Madonna face it u r not 25 anymore!
Ing | February 16, 2006 at 8:04 pm
Private person my ass..does anyone remember In Bed With Madonna or her nasty Sex book..that woman has always thrived on attention..that is why she is in a goddam leotard at 48, shes still after the shock factor..god bless her nurturing soul..lol..
Ing | February 16, 2006 at 8:05 pm
By the way that photo of her is ridiculous she looks like she sat on a big fat sausage..
Tania | February 16, 2006 at 8:07 pm
Maybe that’ll teach her a lesson for trying to bench press Guy.
http://www.absolutely.net/madonna/index.jpg
bakismaki | February 16, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Madonna got that hernia from the way she forces her stomach and chest in to speak in that weird accent she uses.
Tetsuo | February 16, 2006 at 9:12 pm
Good. With any luck now she’ll fall and break her hip. That dried up old bitch has well and truly outstayed her welcome. She should drag her wrinkled, dry, and sagging cunt off the stage now and forevermore. Plus her music has been shit for at least a decade.
ESQ | February 16, 2006 at 9:21 pm
In response to #10 – pookiedoo. I am glad I make you laugh, that is what I am here for to write, laugh and poke fun of celebrities.
LaydeeBug | February 16, 2006 at 9:27 pm
When the face age don’t match the body age, that’s when it’s time to stop.
It’s like when an 80 year old woman still dyes her hair black. Oh, yeah #29 Tania already posted a picture of the old woman I was talking about. What….Oh shoot!
LaydeeBug | February 16, 2006 at 9:29 pm
Not for nothing, #29 but I’d want my BOYFRIEND to be built like that, not my wife. Looks great, but on a guy. Toned up is nice but butch is, well, just not for me.
HollyJ | February 16, 2006 at 10:18 pm
@29 ACK!!
My pleasure palace just shriveled in repulsion and slammed itself shut. Someone courier over a crowbar and some painkillers. This is gonna be a problem.
Fatty Boom-Batty | February 16, 2006 at 11:59 pm
HollyJ, are you talking about your vagina? Cause if you are then I am going to assume that “crowbar” means penis and “painkillers” mean rohypnol. And if that is the case, I’m down.
Jacq | February 17, 2006 at 12:59 am
The erstwhile Esther’s hernia explains a lot. Madge’s lastest stuff sucks and if her intestines are bulging, that explains why her music sounds like shit coming out of her mouth. I bet when they operated, the connected her colon directly to her esophagus. When will she admit to the OTHER operation? Anyone? Allie G at the European VMA’S. Those leotards must cut off circulation to her balls. That’s why she was only at the Brit awards for 30 minutes.
Jacq | February 17, 2006 at 1:02 am
#18 – Did you get the rare first issue of “The English Roses” that was accidentally illustrated with pictures of her screwing Robbie Van Winkle (aka: Vanilla Ice)? I had one autographed for the kids I hope to raise in her likeness…
Jacq | February 17, 2006 at 1:06 am
#29 – That was how she screwed Ricky Martin into that duet after the Grammys. Lookin’ like a strong, powerful dude.
TheLusciousDeluxe | February 17, 2006 at 1:21 am
#3 – So true, you know it can only get worse after this. When I was younger I liked her alot. I can’t stand her now. I guess you do get wiser as you get older…unless you’re Madonna.
eyespy27 | February 17, 2006 at 2:45 am
#18 HAHAHA
i knew she was out of her mind at the mtv awards. purple leotard. leather jacket. and fishnets. probably takes that much to hold her coochie shut after getting fisted by rosie o’donnell.
ProbablyTooOld | February 17, 2006 at 4:30 am
I wish I understood why everyone says Madonna looks good for her age. She looking like Maria Shriver these days because she has no facial fat left.
All that grimacing she does, the writhing around, the retardo-dance gear so mismatched and ill-fitting that even an attention whore in an off-Broadway production of A Chorus Line would refuse to rehearse in and the glossy 1975 porn makeup would make the hottest 20 year-old look sad. And her last album was so lame not even ABBA samples could save it.
Next year? Madonna samples Neil Diamond and shits herself on the AMAs while wearing a rhinestone studded jumpsuit and the press will still say her latest transformation is hot and she looks good for her age.
A Nobody | February 17, 2006 at 9:13 am
Ouch, she’s getting old. Maybe it’s time for her brain to grow older too.
bluecanary | February 17, 2006 at 4:45 pm
She has now replaced Elizabeth Taylor as my #1 celebrity I wish would die, or barring death, how about a Christopher Reeve-style riding accident as she “hunts pheasant” in her “riding togs” with her faux British accent.
urielsword | February 17, 2006 at 8:32 pm
She does not look good for her age. It’s all makeup and lighting. As I always say, let’s see this old ho w/o makeup and then we’ll really talk. With that hairstyle she looks even more like a transvestite.
gogoboots | February 18, 2006 at 10:09 pm
She looks like she’s having a hernia in that picture definitely, ouch!
What’s with the make-up she does look more and more like a transvestite, but if you haven’t noticed more and more female celebs are looking like that these days…
Mr. Fritz | February 19, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Madonna is the scariest and fugliest tranny in the business. She really scares me, I used to think she was pretty when she first came out. She trashy but cute. Now she looks kinda like that old lady boss on the Drew Carey Show.
Madonna | February 28, 2006 at 7:01 am
Rachel, regarding comment #15, a hernia is like a pulled stomach muscle, so it has nothing to do with my leotard, or my vagina, although, it might have something to do with that damn corset. I shouldn’t have worn that mother. I look better without it anyway….hmm.
Anyhow, give an old gal a break OK. I’ve had two kids, done an ass-load of Yoga, and I just broke like 9 bones in August. Besides I made myself ridiculously rich (and still getting richer), and I can be as ridiculously…. well… ridiculous as I please.
As for that last comment, Mariah I know its you, and just for the record, I don’t care if you sell way more albums. You’re fat! I’m not threatened by large Americans, but for your health, put down the Flaming Hot Cheetos and the laptop! Get to the gym girl!!!
juego de poker | July 6, 2007 at 11:47 am
she is hitting 50, she better watch out, her body may not take it…
Randi | September 29, 2007 at 7:18 pm
A hernia is different than a hemroid, my father had a hernia and it was on his abdomen. You are thinking of a hemroid, which is when you stand up all day, exercise a lot, or have hard stools so much so that it makes the veins in your anus become sensitive and engorged. She obviously works very hard, some hemroids need to be removed, but not all of them.