Madonna treated for hernia
Madonna’s spokeswoman announced today that she had a minor procedure for a hernia and is “absolutely fine now.” I know being a celebrity means you’re a public figure, but it doesn’t mean you have to announce every little thing that happens in your life. If you start dating Gary Coleman fine, announce it. If you rob a bank, okay. But a hernia? If you’re going to give out disgusting private details of your life, at least make them interesting like a really perverted sexual practice. But telling everybody about your hernia is like announcing you have explosive diarrhea. Which, uh, would actually be pretty funny. So forget everything I just said and bring on the explosive diarrhea. Like literally bring it on. I want to be covered in it.