Madonna to adopt African baby

October 4th, 2006 // 46 Comments

Madonna arrived in Malawi today to help AIDS orphans, and the secretary to the minister for gender and child welfare says she’s planning to adopt a child. Which is the equivalent of her nanny adopting a child, because I didn’t even know she had children (she has two) until I read the article. Pretending you’re Jesus and crucifying yourself on stage isn’t the awesome parenting tool the media would have you believe. I’ve read books. I know.


  1. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    Madonna…honey! It’s been done! Angelina Jolie already adopted an African baby, you’re too late to be trendy here. That’s so two years ago.

  2. Bioplant

    I love Madge. And by love I mean cannot stand.

  3. Tote Struggs

    Why does the article say she wants to “help raise” $3 mil? She just made 50 mil last year alone. Eff that ess, give it away.

  4. SugaryCherry

    What do you mean you don’t know about her children? You posted an article about her explaining her lesbionic kiss with Britney. Plus, I’m sure you’ve made fun of her Kablahblah or whatever it is she worships dozens of times, and involving her daughter in it.

  5. @ #4 – he know’s – it’s part of the joke…


    Is she going to also teach it how to be a proper whore and then turn to Kaballah when she reaches middle age and is no longer sexy?

  7. knows doesn’t have the apostrophe #4 (me) would have you believe it does. damn typos.

  8. knows doesn’t have the apostrophe #4 (me) would have you believe it does. damn typos.

  9. shell

    I need to get me one of them African babies.

  10. i give up on commenting altogether. first the apostrophe, then the wrong number and the double post. nappy time.

  11. heisthejuan

    very much starting to resemble a drag queen.

  12. simon134

    These people adopt children like their pets!!!

  13. pinky_nip

    African babies are the new bling.

  14. PunjabPete

    But only one African baby. She only has enough mollasses and Rum to trade for one….

  15. Jenna

    Skinny jeans, big sweaters, leggings, adpoting foreign babies….the 80′s really is back in style.

  16. bigponie

    There are other desperate things that she can adopt..

    a highway,

    a walrus,

    the whole country of africa,

    or adopt paris, I think her parents may have disowned her by now.

  17. Jenna

    #16 – nice

  18. SuperG

    #12, I’d agree with that only drag queens can be quite stunning, she looks very haggard!

    She must be in her glory…Halloween is just around the corner!

  19. Italian Stallion

    Why would you adopt a African baby with aids?

    Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of adopting a child?

    P.S. My bad……………

  20. I think adopting a foriegn baby is a fantastic idea.

    Look how happy it made Tom and Katie!

    TCLT (foreign baby)C

  21. pinky_nip

    @21: Well, at least then you don’t have to save for college.

  22. @23 It’s an African baby, it wasn’t going to college anyway…..

    P.S. once again, my bad…………

  23. LL

    Someone referenced drag queen above, but I’m thinking she’s looking more and more like Cruella DeVille. If she starts appearing with lots of Dalmatian puppies, watch her closely. And if she moves on to smoking cigarettes in one of those old-school cigarette holders and putting skunk stripes in her hair, I think the British military should be authorized to go onto her estate and terminate her with extreme prejudice. Cause we can’t be too careful. The puppies are counting on us.

  24. RichPort

    I must say, I approach this with a bit of trepidation. The last time someone ‘adopted’ African babies, US cotton yields skyrocketed in conjunction with ship building and cross-Atlantic travel (one way of course), and words like “Yessum” and “lynch” became part of the lexicon. No fucking thank you. I just stopped getting pulled over for DWE (driving while ethnic). Adopt one of those little Aryan fuckers you over the hill bitch!

  25. 86

    This all reeks of Joan Crawford. Yes, I am having a Mommy Dearest moment.

  26. The Juice

    Poor menopausal Madge.
    Give it up Madge… it’s over!

  27. The Gilbs

    Is Liza Minnelli Madge’s new makeup artist? Why do older women cake on the makeup? It looks like shit. My mom puts her base on with a paint brush. Gross!

  28. @ 15,21,23 – Stop it! I think I just ruptured my spleen laughing.

    Does anybody know how to do a splenectomy. Stat!

  29. Brak

    Oh, brother…

  30. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    She might have to adopt her husband soon since his career is on a downward trajectory.

  31. magickal

    African babies are the new BLACK!

  32. commissioner

    You can buy a good used Guatemalan baby for less than 5K.

  33. #34 – Thanks for the info commish. I’m sparking up the Lear as we speak.

    Where’s the great jrzmommy today??

  34. commissioner

    Dear Brain:

    I think what’s her name, Rock and Roll Nightmare or whateverthefuck it was, got her fired. She traced her IP address back to her employer’s computer and the rest is history.

    Or she’s just sick. Or getting plastic surgery.

    Good thing about the Guatemalan, they have to do your yard work for free if you own them.

  35. Madge is just planning for her future. In about 18 years, when this little black baby is of legal age and she is 85, she will have her own Denis Rodman redux. She can actually live out her whole virgin mother/whore shtick that she’s been saddling us with for years.

  36. commissioner


    She could have a “Driving Miss Daisy” fantasy.

  37. RichPort

    #34 – I ashamed to admit, I now have a soccer team full.

  38. commissioner


    Don’t be ashamed. They appreciate in value with a learned trade or skill.

    I own three.

  39. @36 I believe thats not the case, look around and you’ll find her………I think

  40. commissioner


    Well, I certainly hope so, but there have been a lot of FBI wives/attorneys and computer genius/spies threatening to “get you fired”.

  41. RichPort

    #40 – HA!!!

    That’s good news because in addition to kicking ‘futbols’, those little fence hoppers can weave just about anything: hair clippings, straws, weeds, tree bark, strips of discarded clothing. I have rattan-looking furniture that I attribute to their expertise, and baskets fucking everywhere. Plus they’re pretty good with drywall. I was just gonna drop ‘em off at the home depot parking lot, but I think I’ll extend their fascination with indoor plumbing a bit longer…

  42. commissioner

    Hey, Rich-

    Thanks for the tip. No need to buy gift baskets anymore. I’m gonna save during the holidays this year!

    I know someone who got a defective one . . . you can’t return a bad Guatemalan. I’ve been lucky so far.

  43. It’s all a lie, the Africans are adopting Madonna, she has enough condoms to prevent the further spread of AIDs.

  44. did she adopt a AIDS baby?

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