Madonna scorned by Hampton villagers

April 30th, 2009 // 36 Comments

Even though she possesses the Hands of Death, Madonna is surprisingly not welcome in the Hamptons, according to Page Six:

A couple of weekends ago, Madonna, who recently signed a contract for a townhouse on East 81st Street, stayed at the beautiful Wolffer Estate Vineyards in Sagaponack. But our sources report she wasn’t interested in buying the 12,000-square-foot, Tuscan-style villa and 100 acres, which have been on the market since the winery’s well-liked founder, Christian Wolffer, died in a freak boating accident in Brazil on New Year’s Eve — she just wanted to board her horses at the winery’s stables.
Madonna then presented the estate with a 10-page list of demands, according to our source. Among the stipulations were that “no one could be in the riding ring at the same time she was. It was laughable. They turned her down flat.”

This naturally resulted in Madonna taking to the air and breathing fire upon a nearby Crate and Barrel until a suitable number of Lexuses were sacrificed in her honor.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Sirus

    I would have kicked her out regardless of whether or not she had a list of demands, she looks like the bitchy type.

  2. If nobody wants to screw Madonna, hey, I’d take her. Lemme bone that b!tch for once. Sh!t, I’d tap that ass anytime, for real.

  3. Superbiggerevil

    #2 – You really need the money that bad?

  4. mikeock

    Is Lourdes 18 yet, because Id sure like to plow that little werewolf.

  5. mikew

    that would be lexi (lex eye)
    your writers suck! the bastardly is much better!

  6. Misanthrope

    Lexuses

    Lexi?

  7. Evan Faine

    She looks pretty damn good, better than all these new fake-boobed, injected-lips freaks like that Shauna Sands chick or w/e her name is.

  8. zognor: lord of reptiles

    She is part vampire. I’m surprised they didn’t chase her off with pitchforks. Good lookin’ out.

  9. Carolyn

    #7, are you blind? She looks like shit with that long stringy hair. With all her money she absolutely never wears anthing that looks like she didn’t get it out ot a landfill.

  10. Oh please, like that is an outrageous request from someone that will spent tens (hundreds?) of thousands of dollars to rent your little horsey arena…

  11. WTF Again?

    Good news for the wicked bitch of death, Sean Penn is back on the market again. They deserve each other.

  12. Mr. Jones

    Doesn’t the stink of evil totally freak out normal horses?

    She probably rides the same creatures the Nazgul use. Glowing red eyes. Hideous vapor pouring out of the nose. Feet covered with vile ichor. And I’m talking about the rider.

  13. devilsrain

    10. Yea thats not an unreasonable request, but a 10 page list of demands? Fuck her

  14. Holly

    Odd how he died right when she needed to board her horses. I want to hear more about the freak boating accident.

    Did it involve a Succubus? Assault with a deadly arm-vein? Being eaten alive by a geriatric vulva?

  15. Holly

    Odd how he died of a freak accident right when she needed to board her horses.

    Was a Succubus involved? Death via assault with a deadly arm vein? Devoured alive by giant geriatric vulva with teeth???

  16. Holly

    Odd how he died of a freak accident right when she needed to board her horses.

    Was a Succubus involved? Death via assault with a deadly arm vein? Devoured alive by giant geriatric vulva with teeth???

  17. Stomp

    Fuck this disco bitch. She needs to listen to old prog rock. Happy Walpurgis night…..Witch.

  18. n

    what are her 10 pages of demands? the people want to know.

  19. norton

    Let’s see. What do you get when you put a marginally talented, oversexed catholic schoolgirl with a middle aged pervert music producer in the 80′s?

    Madonna!!!!!!!

    Fast forward 20+ years and…….

    An obscenely rich, oversexed and still marginally talented cunt with no taste and a major case of self importance.

    Nouveau Riche lives on!!!!!!!!

    Makes you wanna’ go buy a CD doesn’t it?

  20. She looks like shit with that long stringy hair.
    mobile-phone-blog

  21. is it “CRAZYNESS” or just ËVEL”, folks?

  22. I always have nightmares about having hands like hers when I get old. *shudders*

  23. I can’t wait until one of her brood decides they too want to sing about sex and teenage pregnancy…

  24. Sauron

    If something huge and powerful like me,surrounded by loud thunder and bright lightning,approach then humans like her have to look down. . . I’ve the feeling she maybe start to understand it.

  25. Darth

    If a masculin,masked and tall guy like me approach then you must look down as well.Only hot,sexy girls are allowed to look at me.

  26. Nero

    I don’t mind people looking up to me.As long they are hot and female and on their knees in front of my unzipped pants.

  27. gurlina

    Hey maybe Madge and Sean will get back together!

  28. Annie Nonymous

    @ FamousPlastic and Devilsrain: Actually, it IS an unreasonable request. The people who are already paying to keep and riding their horses there are supposed to just clear out whenever Madonna decides to show up and ride? Fuck that noise. I teach 7-year-olds who aren’t afraid to ride in front of other people — she must be a shitty rider if she’s afraid to do it in front of anyone else. I have no pity for her and her gargantuan sense of entitlement.

  29. Stop hating

    She looks fantastic. Like how she used to look.

    You all hate her because she’s a powerful woman, and she’s over 50 and doesn’t just slink off into the shadows.

    As for outrageous sense of entitlement, there are far worse offenders at whom you should direct your wrath. Madonna entertains and you’re free to take her or leave her. She doesn’t ask for bailouts or steal life savings.

  30. Ali

    Look at those nasty old lady hands. Soon she will have to wear gloves.

  31. I love that this is the only picture I’ve ever seen that appears to be a candid taken behind the scenes perhaps even without their knowledge…and they could not seem less interested in one another. LOL. So perfect.

  32. I was very pleased with my order and everything came right on time, thanks!

  33. She hardly access Nazgul ride creatures. Glowing red eyes. Disgusting steam pouring out of nose. Legs covered with vile ichor. And I’m talking about the riders.

  34. Thanks for your good topic. Good done.

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