Madonna is apparently so fanatical about her workout routine that she would keep a strict itinerary that determined when she had sex with Guy Ritchie. Wait. Married people have sex? That can’t be right… The Daily Mail reports:
A source close to the couple told the MailOnline last night: ‘With her time being so
precious to her, and with there being more important things to her like spending three of four hours in the gym every day, it become just another thing in the diary. In the last couple of years, it was all schemed into the diary.
‘Guy of course felt this a tremendous turn-off to be at the same level of importance as, for example, her gym sessions and Kabbalah meetings.
‘As a consequence, their sex life died more than a year ago. It is no exaggeration to say that they had not shared a bed in a year when the divorce was announced. And when the sex died for them, the marriage was doomed.’
ASSISTANT: Pardon me, sir, but there appears to be a naked corpse in your study.
GUY: Bloody hell. What day is it?
ASSISTANT: Excuse me, sir?
GUY: For Chrissakes, man, what’s the date?
ASSISTANT: The 14th.
GUY: No, it can’t be. It’s our anniversary. Fetch me a Crucifix and be quick about it.
MADONNA: KABALLEE-AAHHHHHHHHH!
GUY: She’s taken flight! The Crucifix, man, THE CRUCIFIX!
MADONNA: PILATEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
GUY: *picks up phone* A-Rod? Guy Ritchie. Can you come over for a minute?
MADONNA: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
GUY: Oh, yeah, she’s ready.
Doo Wop | October 26, 2008 at 5:29 pm
FIRST!!! Fuck Obama and his asshole cultists.
obammy mammy | October 26, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Obooga the first bastard president abandoned by both his scumbag deadbeat daddy and his slutty open legs mammy
Stuey | October 26, 2008 at 5:41 pm
FIRST!
I claim firs t because you two wack jobs don’t count because you spewed non superficial verbal diarrhea
poeh | October 26, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I think it’s normal.
Rough Daddy | October 26, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Oh boy little Lourdes almost ready….shes still cute with that birds nest on her forehead…
MK | October 26, 2008 at 6:10 pm
This is probably true, this narcissistic, control freak, what trash whore is as useless now as she was 20 years ago. Classic example, no amount of money can buy class.
car star | October 26, 2008 at 6:12 pm
her daughter looks just like she did in Like a Prayer video, so beautiful!
guy richie is a loser. what happened to the son they had? he was ugly anyway, like his father.
and the coconut in her arms looks cute… so far. better than zahara who looks just like gary coleman.
bob | October 26, 2008 at 6:33 pm
her daughter looks just like she did in Like a Prayer video, so beautiful! Her sexy photos are found on —mysportsdate,com— Do you know what she isdong there>>>>>>>>>>>
obammy mammy | October 26, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Why is the Crypt Keeper carrying Webster around?
patrickridyard@yahoo.com | October 26, 2008 at 7:08 pm
his madonns a duds with a dick our want !!!!
Mike | October 26, 2008 at 7:48 pm
bob said ‘ bob – October 26, 2008 6:33 PM
her daughter looks just like she did in Like a Prayer video, so beautiful! Her sexy photos are found on —mysportsdate,com— Do you know what she isdong there>>>>>>>>>>>
‘
Which is cool and all, but all I found at that site were pics of him shoving old milwaukee beer cans up his ass. I guess that’s a sport. sorta anyway
danklin24 | October 26, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Lmao funniest article ever on this site, save for the Verne Troyer bathtub thing.
It's Me Fuckers!! | October 26, 2008 at 9:23 pm
rofl @ the commentary! Lol, naked corpse! I still adore Madonna. Yes, I am a product of the 80′s. They were the best! Although I do have to admit she looks pretty fuckin scrawny lately. She looked better in the 80′s… not bad for a 50 year old though.
how to lose girls | October 26, 2008 at 11:44 pm
i like the little dude’s vans.
http://www.howtolosegirls.com
Kristen | October 27, 2008 at 12:19 am
Hey Superficial Writer….. when did you start working weekends? :) This is awesome… keep it up! Sat/Sun were always such SAD days without you… especially when you stuck a pic of Specer and Heidi up for us to look at all weekend. Much better.
gerard Vandenberg | October 27, 2008 at 12:55 am
SHE REALLY THINKS SHE IS SOMETHING, folks?
again: AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!!!!
Bickus Dickus | October 27, 2008 at 8:56 am
since this dolt talks with a Brittish accent now, can you guys keep her? We don’t want her over hear anymore.
Barry O | October 27, 2008 at 9:07 am
HOLY SHIT SHE’S CARRYING AROUND JENNIFER HUDSON’S MISSING NEPHEW! Someone get that Amber alert thang goin…
carlos | October 27, 2008 at 10:28 am
MAdonna is a hag and has no heart, Madonna only loves Madonna.
On top of that she is jealpus of Cyndi Lauper’s voice.
lara | October 27, 2008 at 11:03 am
KABALEEE-HAAA
sexybigbeauty | October 27, 2008 at 11:28 am
Visit ___PlusMeet.c om___to seek romance&love with celebrities, rich single men, big handsome men and big beautiful women! Photos, profiles, chat, email, video, comments, blogs, news, forum and more….
joe | October 27, 2008 at 11:38 am
fuck u guys.guy ricthie said that this romours that press are posting about his suppost comments are false.HE DOESNT SAID BAD THINGS ABOUT MADGE AND SAID THAT SEX WITH HER IS AMAZING,AND HE NEVER WLL TALK ABOUT THIS KIND OF THINGS BECAUSE HE RESPECTS MADONNA AND HES KIDS.evryone knows that MADONNA LOVES SEX ,SO STOP SAYING THIS CRAPS.EVERY ONE SAW MADONNA BYING A VIBRATOR.SHE LOVES IT.SEE HER CAREER
CLEO | October 27, 2008 at 11:39 am
sorry ass mother fuckers madonna is the best.i love her and she does amazing sex
A-Rod | October 27, 2008 at 11:56 am
Madonna’s cunt looks like 7-day old roadkill, smells like it too….
sameshitdifferentyear | October 27, 2008 at 12:22 pm
“…she would keep a strict itinerary that determined when she had sex with Guy Ritchie…”
That was actually very thoughtful of her.
That way, G Richie knew exactly when to take the mind-numbing, mind-altering drugs in preparation.
mamamiasweetpeaches | October 27, 2008 at 12:41 pm
wow, doesnt it do your heart good to know she fought like a tiger to adopt that baby and now that she has him….she spends 3 to 4 hours a day in the gym???
Connie Corleone | October 27, 2008 at 3:27 pm
#22. Huh?! English, please.
Paul | October 27, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Poor Guy Ritchie. I hope he gets himself all kinds of pussy now that he’s free of that old pretentious bitch. I wouldn’t fuck Madonna with someone else’s dick. Sinewy, leathery old hag.
Katie | October 27, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Aw, I love Madonna! (I have to admit that was funny, though.) I’m sorry, but they don’t make pop music like she does anymore these days. If this is true, and I think she obviously does have some sort of eating disorder/exercise addiction, then WTF? How does someone go from being like a nympho to near-frigid? Madonna, no! Remember who you are. Nobody cares how ripped you are, we love that fun, trashy freak that you always were. Come back to us!
Metro Sexual | October 27, 2008 at 9:46 pm
That’s what he gets for wanting to be Mr. Madonna. Guy is just another stupid Metro Sexual….and he sure ain’t no Cowboy!
Tish | October 28, 2008 at 1:38 am
I feel so so bad for her daughter.
What with those eyebrows…ugh.
Katherine | October 28, 2008 at 3:05 am
@18 SHAME ON YOU! That shit was not funny.
Helen | October 29, 2008 at 4:42 am
Wow…, she is gorgeous. BTW, my brother told me he saw her profile and photos at an age gap dating club **AgelessOnly.c o m**. She has written some blogs a few days ago. Maybe you should have a look.