Madonna scheduled sex with Guy Ritchie around time in the gym

October 26th, 2008 // 33 Comments

Madonna is apparently so fanatical about her workout routine that she would keep a strict itinerary that determined when she had sex with Guy Ritchie. Wait. Married people have sex? That can’t be right… The Daily Mail reports:

A source close to the couple told the MailOnline last night: ‘With her time being so
precious to her, and with there being more important things to her like spending three of four hours in the gym every day, it become just another thing in the diary. In the last couple of years, it was all schemed into the diary.
‘Guy of course felt this a tremendous turn-off to be at the same level of importance as, for example, her gym sessions and Kabbalah meetings.
‘As a consequence, their sex life died more than a year ago. It is no exaggeration to say that they had not shared a bed in a year when the divorce was announced. And when the sex died for them, the marriage was doomed.’

ASSISTANT: Pardon me, sir, but there appears to be a naked corpse in your study.
GUY: Bloody hell. What day is it?
ASSISTANT: Excuse me, sir?
GUY: For Chrissakes, man, what’s the date?
ASSISTANT: The 14th.
GUY: No, it can’t be. It’s our anniversary. Fetch me a Crucifix and be quick about it.
MADONNA: KABALLEE-AAHHHHHHHHH!
GUY: She’s taken flight! The Crucifix, man, THE CRUCIFIX!
MADONNA: PILATEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
GUY: *picks up phone* A-Rod? Guy Ritchie. Can you come over for a minute?
MADONNA: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
GUY: Oh, yeah, she’s ready.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Doo Wop

    FIRST!!! Fuck Obama and his asshole cultists.

  2. obammy mammy

    Obooga the first bastard president abandoned by both his scumbag deadbeat daddy and his slutty open legs mammy

  3. Stuey

    FIRST!

    I claim firs t because you two wack jobs don’t count because you spewed non superficial verbal diarrhea

  4. poeh

    I think it’s normal.

  5. Oh boy little Lourdes almost ready….shes still cute with that birds nest on her forehead…

  6. MK

    This is probably true, this narcissistic, control freak, what trash whore is as useless now as she was 20 years ago. Classic example, no amount of money can buy class.

  7. car star

    her daughter looks just like she did in Like a Prayer video, so beautiful!
    guy richie is a loser. what happened to the son they had? he was ugly anyway, like his father.
    and the coconut in her arms looks cute… so far. better than zahara who looks just like gary coleman.

  8. bob

    her daughter looks just like she did in Like a Prayer video, so beautiful! Her sexy photos are found on —mysportsdate,com— Do you know what she isdong there>>>>>>>>>>>

  9. obammy mammy

    Why is the Crypt Keeper carrying Webster around?

  10. his madonns a duds with a dick our want !!!!

  11. Mike

    bob said ‘ bob – October 26, 2008 6:33 PM

    her daughter looks just like she did in Like a Prayer video, so beautiful! Her sexy photos are found on —mysportsdate,com— Do you know what she isdong there>>>>>>>>>>>

    Which is cool and all, but all I found at that site were pics of him shoving old milwaukee beer cans up his ass. I guess that’s a sport. sorta anyway

  12. danklin24

    Lmao funniest article ever on this site, save for the Verne Troyer bathtub thing.

  13. It's Me Fuckers!!

    rofl @ the commentary! Lol, naked corpse! I still adore Madonna. Yes, I am a product of the 80′s. They were the best! Although I do have to admit she looks pretty fuckin scrawny lately. She looked better in the 80′s… not bad for a 50 year old though.

  14. Kristen

    Hey Superficial Writer….. when did you start working weekends? :) This is awesome… keep it up! Sat/Sun were always such SAD days without you… especially when you stuck a pic of Specer and Heidi up for us to look at all weekend. Much better.

  15. SHE REALLY THINKS SHE IS SOMETHING, folks?
    again: AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!!!!

  16. Bickus Dickus

    since this dolt talks with a Brittish accent now, can you guys keep her? We don’t want her over hear anymore.

  17. Barry O

    HOLY SHIT SHE’S CARRYING AROUND JENNIFER HUDSON’S MISSING NEPHEW! Someone get that Amber alert thang goin…

  18. carlos

    MAdonna is a hag and has no heart, Madonna only loves Madonna.
    On top of that she is jealpus of Cyndi Lauper’s voice.

  19. lara

    KABALEEE-HAAA

  20. sexybigbeauty

    Visit ___PlusMeet.c om___to seek romance&love with celebrities, rich single men, big handsome men and big beautiful women! Photos, profiles, chat, email, video, comments, blogs, news, forum and more….

  21. joe

    fuck u guys.guy ricthie said that this romours that press are posting about his suppost comments are false.HE DOESNT SAID BAD THINGS ABOUT MADGE AND SAID THAT SEX WITH HER IS AMAZING,AND HE NEVER WLL TALK ABOUT THIS KIND OF THINGS BECAUSE HE RESPECTS MADONNA AND HES KIDS.evryone knows that MADONNA LOVES SEX ,SO STOP SAYING THIS CRAPS.EVERY ONE SAW MADONNA BYING A VIBRATOR.SHE LOVES IT.SEE HER CAREER

  22. CLEO

    sorry ass mother fuckers madonna is the best.i love her and she does amazing sex

  23. A-Rod

    Madonna’s cunt looks like 7-day old roadkill, smells like it too….

  24. sameshitdifferentyear

    “…she would keep a strict itinerary that determined when she had sex with Guy Ritchie…”

    That was actually very thoughtful of her.

    That way, G Richie knew exactly when to take the mind-numbing, mind-altering drugs in preparation.

  25. mamamiasweetpeaches

    wow, doesnt it do your heart good to know she fought like a tiger to adopt that baby and now that she has him….she spends 3 to 4 hours a day in the gym???

  26. Connie Corleone

    #22. Huh?! English, please.

  27. Paul

    Poor Guy Ritchie. I hope he gets himself all kinds of pussy now that he’s free of that old pretentious bitch. I wouldn’t fuck Madonna with someone else’s dick. Sinewy, leathery old hag.

  28. Katie

    Aw, I love Madonna! (I have to admit that was funny, though.) I’m sorry, but they don’t make pop music like she does anymore these days. If this is true, and I think she obviously does have some sort of eating disorder/exercise addiction, then WTF? How does someone go from being like a nympho to near-frigid? Madonna, no! Remember who you are. Nobody cares how ripped you are, we love that fun, trashy freak that you always were. Come back to us!

  29. Metro Sexual

    That’s what he gets for wanting to be Mr. Madonna. Guy is just another stupid Metro Sexual….and he sure ain’t no Cowboy!

  30. Tish

    I feel so so bad for her daughter.
    What with those eyebrows…ugh.

  31. Katherine

    @18 SHAME ON YOU! That shit was not funny.

  32. Wow…, she is gorgeous. BTW, my brother told me he saw her profile and photos at an age gap dating club **AgelessOnly.c o m**. She has written some blogs a few days ago. Maybe you should have a look.

Leave A Comment