Madonna really sucks at adopting

October 19th, 2006 // 70 Comments

madonna_david.jpgRight after her new baby David was officially delivered to her London home, Madonna reportedly took off and hit the gym. Additionally, “what should have been a quiet, bonding experience with the Malawian baby of her choice, turned into a circus with convoys of 4x4s racing along dirttracks to the Mission of Hope orphanage where [Madonna] handed out signed copies of her books.”

So instead of food or medicine, this egotistical bitch handed out signed copies of her book. To starving Africans. Who probably can’t read. She might as well have given them autographed pictures of herself. Not only that, but the child she chose to adopt still has a father. Instead of saving a true orphan, she chose the one kid that actually has family. She’s doing pretty much every wrong thing you can do when adopting a child. If she was making a pizza, right about now she’d be smashing some glass into the dough and looking for some watermelons for the pizza sauce.


  1. BarbadoSlim

    Good old Madge putting the DOUCHE back in douchebag.

  2. krisdylee

    I’m pretty sure I could take her… She’s short, old and so egotistical, she’d never see my foot being aimed right at her cooch.

  3. Stuey75

    dang i actually made it in the top 50 comments. I still say that when madonna dies her kids will write about how much of a nut she was and it will blow our minds. this kid will prolly grow up, take all her money and return home. they will make a broadway play out of it, making madonna an even bigger gay icon.

  4. Jedi Kevin

    I word I reserve for special people…

    She’s a cunt.

  5. ImaCracka


    Hope I live long enough to see that fucked up kid on these pages as a drugged up club hopping teen who is fucking Paris Hilton!!!

  6. assfacecocknocker

    5! if i was that little dude i would be stoked. i bet madonna has heaps more money than even the richest jerk in his village!

  7. assfacecocknocker

    and 6 too!

  8. commissioner


    I’d put my money on ya.

  9. frenchtoaststix

    AmberDextrose, perhaps you’d care to comment on this one, seeing as how the rest of us are all judgemental of Madonna and all. This might be why…

  10. NipsyHustle

    this kid will be having some high quality trim when he gets older. those chicks will smell like chanel and won’t be covered with flies. definite upgrade.


    At first I thought she had an arm-band…

  12. Hopeless_Screenwriter

    Maybe the little Malawian coon orphans can rip the pages out of her book and play basketball with them.

  13. assfacecocknocker

    hopefull they was copys of her sex book. heaps of gash in it i hear.

  14. Where’s the nanny? Who will take care of the child?

  15. RichPort

    I hope she has an adoption drive at her next show, meaning I hope she brings some kids from various banana republics (in middle Europe please) for the audience to bid on. That’ll be worth a $400 ticket in the nosebleed section. From a racial standpoint, I’d just like to know what it would be like to be on the bidding side of the equation for once. Actually forget it… I don’t want to have to teach them how to whistle when they bring my food back from the kitchen (which of course prevents them from eating it on the way over to my mohagoney dining set with the gold leaf detailing). I need to replace my Guats before they start to unionize.

  16. @13–they don’t take kindly to racists here, I believe the PC term is “niglet”.

  17. They like dancing around a good fire right?
    What’s better then a book written by Madonna……..

  18. JoannieBalonie

    Hey Rich just curious, why Guats? Why not Salvis….to me they lower on the totem pole (and it has nothing to do with the fact that I am of Mayan decent)

  19. laikiska

    …none of you get it – she is merely setting an example to the rest of the loonies of super-stardom that ripping a kid from his impoverished, still living family (and calling it an orphan!) is ok… good for david though, he has hit the jackpot — unless she is planning on making him her personal servant when he grows up…

  20. biatcho

    Thank you #17, niglet is one of my most favorite words on the planet. How can you not laugh at that term? Oh wait, if you’re a tree hugging, dirt fucking, communist, hippie, politically correct liberal fuckstick you might get offended. but those people never have fun so who gives a feck?


  21. The books were promptly employed as toilet paper, then used as spackle for the Malawi’s shit brick houses.

  22. Madrid Marriott

    You all are ignorant about how to treat an adoptive child when you have your own biological child at home. And that is, you have to treat them both equally and not dote on either one more than the other. Thus, Madonna is appropriately ignoring all her children equally. Get a clue people.

  23. Eye-Dish Lass

    High Tea @ the Ciccone’s:

    Lourdes! Ese! Come and eat chur Juevos Rancheros!

    Rocco: Come and eat your bleetin’ biscuits with clotted cream.

    David: The wild boar’s head is practically cracked off the carcas. Now get your naked arse to dinner Boiiii!

  24. clown

    Madonna is as good at adopting a child as she is acting in a movie!

  25. BarbadoSlim

    Hold it a second there #24 you need to re-write David:

    should read: matamba motumbo KALANGA toc toc!!


    She should have just given everyone a piece of red string. It would have been more useful than a damn book.

  27. Dory

    Funny Funny #23

    … probably true too!

  28. Scott

    13,16,17,21- lol. This site is hilarious! Look at the baby’s skin color! I would wish for him to burn in hell, but it looks like someone already burned him on earth! “Excuse me Madonna, how would you like your niglet today?”
    -”Why I’ll have it burnt to a crisp, and lacking any form of human intelligence, thank you.”

  29. BarbadoSlim

    You are partially right Scott except she was looking for minimal intelligence, for total lack of intelligence she would’ve had to adopt an American child from either West Virginia or any of our red states.

  30. Madrid Marriott

    29 – This site WAS pretty funny. Now no one is even managing so much as a smile after your post. Run along.

  31. krisdylee

    Scott went over that line…

  32. laikiska

    scott…are you from west virginia?

  33. Scott

    OKAY everyone, it was a joke, I’m extremely liberal but sometimes my jokes cross the line. I meant no offfense, just a joke.

  34. Meh, no worries, Scott. To make amends, come over here and eat my pussy.

  35. Dirt McGirt

    Fuck you liberal scum; Madonna will burn in hell for the wicked life she’s lived, and her little baby too

  36. buzz_clik

    n 1: a humorous anecdote or remark [syn: gag, laugh, jest,
    jape, yak, wheeze]
    2: activity characterized by good humor [syn: jest, jocularity]

  37. Scott

    Thanks krisdylee, that made it all better. Ill send you your check next month.

  38. RichPort

    #19 – The Guats came knocking first… those crazy little fuckers love to work (then spend their checks on Negro Modelo and the local strip joint). I’d prefer some of those big nosed ugly eastern European former communist bloc white fucks, but they were too busy blowing up each other’s kids over a molehill in Serbia. Do you believe that shit? A fucking molehill. Plus, being about 6 apples tall each, it’s funy to watch Guats balance on each other’s shoulders to paint the ceiling. Those Slavic fucks are just too fucking tall.

    #35 – HA!!!

  39. I agree with everything and I used to be a who hits the gym the same day you bring or sorry the nanny brings home a new baby??It’s sad and the baby is probably better of with his real dad.

  40. KelKel

    What a stupid fuckin bitch,fall off the face of the earth already damn it

  41. biatcho

    Scott, dude, grow a pair and don’t ever apologize to anyone on this site, even if you are kidding. Do as you please & go with it, it makes things more interesting. By giving into the libtard state you’re just being like every other dumb american.

  42. AmberDextrose

    #10 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah don’t make me eat it! How was I to know that the evil cross-wearing bitch would turn around and spit on my defence of her child-buying PR exercise!

    I can only apologise for having a damp Thursday and it’s not even my period. It won’t happen again, I swear. Shit. Fuck. Cuntyhook. Gizz. See, I’m fine now.

    Lindsay’s lips look lovely, you meanies. Oh shit. I’m there again. Hit me. Hit me. Harder. Make it burn…. Where’s Edna when you need her?

  43. Colleen

    Ok, first of all, just because the baby has a father doesn’t mean that the father is able to take care of him.

    Two, even for a celebrity gossip blog, for which I have extremely low expectations, I cannot believe the level of hatred and racism these comments have reached. It just astounds me that people can hate someone they don’t even know with that kind of venom.

  44. Divameow

    Ya know, I like to make fun of celebrities just as much as the next person, but we should really draw the line at racist remarks directed towards an infant… pick on someone your own size instead of matching intelligence

    Yours Truly,
    Just another bleeding heart liberal

  45. ImaCracka

    Yea I enjoy making fun a little too….. but my gawd…

    are the morons from that church in Kansas that protest funerals working this site now?

    Very evil, very mean…..

  46. commissioner

    Dear Bleeding Heart:

    Little Black Sambo can’t read; he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what is written here.


  47. frenchtoaststix

    #43 You are forgiven. I too have those freaky moments where K-Fag suddenly looks attractive or I feel Paris Hilton is undervalued. I can only blame them on hormonal imbalance due to lack of sex and I call my husband to come home and fuck me. It works most of the time.

  48. katie

    while i am generally annoyed at how she did it, the fact that this kid had a father doesnt mean a thing, mostly because the father GAVE this child to the orphanage. still though, the whole thing is weird.

  49. katie

    also, i just want to mention that colleen sounds like sarah jean.

Leave A Comment