After dumping Britney Spears as a friend, Madonna has supposedly turned her attention to Lindsay Lohan after finding out she’s been looking into Kabbalah. In Touch Weekly reports that Madonna has been talking to her multiple times a week and wants to sing a duet with her.
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tito | June 15, 2006 at 11:23 am
Child molestors.
tito | June 15, 2006 at 11:24 am
Ha. First. What?!
Italian Stallion | June 15, 2006 at 11:25 am
What’s the “Holy Land” to Lohan, Columbia?
Jedi Kevin | June 15, 2006 at 11:26 am
Again with the stupid bug-eye sun glasses.
Remember the larger the sunglasses, the lower the IQ behind them. And the more hungover.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 15, 2006 at 11:27 am
Madonna is like that evil with that lives in the woods who tries to lure teen stars into her gingerbread house with her Kaballah, but instead of gingerbread the house is made of quaaludes and botox.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 15, 2006 at 11:28 am
*witch
witch, god dammit
you knew I meant witch
jrzmommy | June 15, 2006 at 11:30 am
How’s Madge gonna explain kissing THIS “baby pop star” to Lourdes?
tarjamarja | June 15, 2006 at 11:31 am
She has a daughter. Why doesn’t she use her if she’s so desperate to guide young women into “spiritual journeys” and “Holy Land” and whatnot? That would be so much smarter and generally acceptable.
Oh yeah, probably because then Lourdes would be blowing *her* money on all the Kabbalah crap.
Doryn Wallach | June 15, 2006 at 11:31 am
Madonna should find some friends her own age…
jane's eyre | June 15, 2006 at 11:32 am
This is really creepy. It seems to be awfully cult-like behavior. There must be some sort of Kaballah spy network, where at first wind of someone possibly being interested in their cult, someone swoops in to be their new “friend”. CREEE-PEEEEE
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 11:34 am
Usually when I think of blow in connection with Hohan it either has to do with:
1. The coke going up her nose
2. “Several foreign men”
She might as well spend her money $13K balls of red yarn.
PapaHotNuts | June 15, 2006 at 11:37 am
I wish Chevy Chase would take that red fucking string and tie one to Madonna’s neck and the other end to the bumber of his station wagon.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 15, 2006 at 11:37 am
Madonna just wants to drink her blood. Look what it did to Britney.
Jacq | June 15, 2006 at 11:38 am
I guess Madge loves a firecrotch!! Geez, does EVERYONE want to screw Lindsay?! Madonna is about to fall into the Tom Cruise “look at me! I’m sooo in touch with the youth of America!” trap.
Anyone see the Brit interview snippet on TMZ? She looks like Shitney! You have money – get your damn nails done, spit out the gum, de-fry your hair, and lay off of the Wet-n-Wild frosted eye shadow for God’s sake. Or is that for SP’s sake. She should practice her crying face too, the one she sports is uuuuuuugly. Whatever.
Chicagoboy | June 15, 2006 at 11:42 am
I can see how this is going to end. . . LiLo is going to turn to Kaballah, make out with Madge in public, and then get fat and pregnant. Just like Brittany.
UNWASHEDMASSES | June 15, 2006 at 11:53 am
I’m with Jacq on this one. I think Madge is back on the lezzie bandwagon (maybe the reason behind her marital problems) and is using Kabbalah as an excuse to get some young, impressionable quim. And what, exactly, is the allure of Kabbalah? It’s ancient Jewish mysticism, which translates as witchcraft on the cheap. I like how Madmomma criticises Christianity for intolerance, yet apparently has no problem shutting Britney out for not sharing her views. A thousand years from now, Madge will be venerated not as a pop star, but as a patron saint and goddess figure of Kabbalists everywhere. Effigies of her in dominatrix gear impaling herself upon large penises while buried facedeep in snatch will adorn Kabbalah alters everywhere. The sad thing is, she only got into it because she mistook Kabbalah for Bukkake.
spanglish | June 15, 2006 at 12:01 pm
I’m a little scared for Lindsey. You saw what happened to Britney after kissing Madonna. It was somekind of voodoo-Kabala kiss that curses whoever receives it. I don’t think Lindsey is on par with Britney as far as performing goes (notice, I didn’t say “singing.”) Madonna could really do better. Jessica Simpson could probably be easily brainwashed.
BarbadoSlim | June 15, 2006 at 12:01 pm
madonnas-giving-lindsay-advice-on-her-music-career-and-she-wants-to-work-on-a-film-with-madonna-toohahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahawait-wait-bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha-ha-ha-i-caan-ant-breeeeathe-hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah-haaaa-haaa-haaaseriously-youre-killin-me
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 12:03 pm
The prince of pop once lured me onto his neverland ranch. I woke up the next mornning next to Bubbles. I was so relieved I didn’t see Diana Ross’ face next to mine I almost asked the darn chimp to marry me. I did make him sign a confidentialtly agreement thought, so he couldn’t sell the pictures.
RichPort | June 15, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Anyone can seduce this moron with some blow and a tongue depresser… it takes some one who really cares to add the yarn to the mix.
bigponie | June 15, 2006 at 12:06 pm
I remember an episode on “speed racer” when he had to race “Kabbalah”, they had to wear stupid looking mask while racing through caves.
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 12:18 pm
Didn’t Wilmer Valderrama take Hohan on a tour of the hole-y land already. I thought he said he took her around the world?
“This my dahling is Youranus just below Verginia.”
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 12:20 pm
@18 Yes if that doesn’t end the Hohan’s fifteen minutes of fame I don’t know what will
BarbadoSlim | June 15, 2006 at 12:20 pm
I sure hope, for the sake of any innocent bystanders that this too stank ho’s meet in place where ther’s good ventilation or emergency high pressure air-fresheners, Madonna stinks, literally, and as for Lindsay, well, let’s just say she’s not so fresh these days.
IFuckingHateYou | June 15, 2006 at 12:23 pm
Madonna keeps searching for a replacement cock, but I don’t think she’ll ever find one as big as Rosie O’Donnell’s – that bull-dyke has the biggest penis that Madge ever had and she misses it.
Hohan, if Modonna wnats to call you Rosie, have you strap on one of those sumo wrestling suits and a 16″ strap-on dildo, run for your life, no matter how much coke she offers.
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 12:24 pm
4 holes – $19.95
2 hoes – $99.99
1 ruined career-Priceless
Somethings money can’t buy for everything else there’s Madonnamatrix
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 12:26 pm
I heard Madonna was looking for a virgin to sacrifice, but looks like she got to Hohan a little too late and a few inches too short.
IFuckingHateYou | June 15, 2006 at 12:31 pm
I say we send all these idiots (Hohan, Britney, Paris, Jessica, Madonna, Tom Cruise, etc.) an invite to a fake awards show telling them we’re going t “honor them for being such wonderful, intelligent people”, then we just gas them all.
Who’s in? we can set it up for LameBanana’s basement and take the fruit out too.
Haroof | June 15, 2006 at 12:31 pm
I’d love to dirty up those freckles.
Nikk The Templar | June 15, 2006 at 12:33 pm
Awww. Madge is passing the torch.
“Now you are the Chosen Slut, young Lohan! May The Controversy be with you!”
BarbadoSlim | June 15, 2006 at 12:41 pm
@30 What torch? Madonna is a nobody, a sad anachronism, a quaint curiosity, a used maxipad, a snotty kleenex, that towel that you used to wipe the cum off last night’s Haitian prostitute that you thought was looking good in your drunken ride thru town in that rented PT Cruiser but then you got picked by the cops with two bags of black tar heroine and is gonna be featured on next week’s epidode of COPS and you wife doesn’t know about it ’cause you told her you were on a business trip…but, I digress, Madonna is a nobody.
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 12:46 pm
@29 The set on her face or the ones on her ass?
Spindoc | June 15, 2006 at 12:47 pm
It’s like MAdonna is the nerd at school trying to convince all the “Cool Kids” that joining the chess club would be really great! Man she is pathetic.
Doxes | June 15, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Give it up, Madonna. You haven’t been relevant in *years*. Your chosen role of Creepy Kabbalah Svengali to Young Stars isn’t going to restore your former glory.
Plus, you’ve got a bad case of man hands.
SpazzCat71 | June 15, 2006 at 12:54 pm
@31 OMG Slim that’s the best laugh I’ve had all day!
Icognito79 | June 15, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Why doesn’t someone teach Madonna about Kaballah?
1. You have to be 50 to study it
2. You have to be male to study it
3. You have to be Jewish to study it
What exactly IS she practicing?
86 | June 15, 2006 at 12:59 pm
Madonna is sad and needy.
Stepheroo | June 15, 2006 at 1:06 pm
If Madonna still lived in Jersey, she would probably be pushing Amway or Melalucca. She’s trying to satify a strange need to “convert”. Comments?
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 1:10 pm
@38 I think she’s pushing her intellectual capability when she “converts” food into shit. But she does know a spotlight when she sees one.
Nikk The Templar | June 15, 2006 at 1:49 pm
31…
The torch of sad “controversial” female.
Did you see the comment after the torch one?
And the proper word for Madonna is ‘bloodclaat’.
Say it with me. Bloodclaat.
kandyk0119 | June 15, 2006 at 1:54 pm
Do they still make qualludes? That only something my parents talked about and I’m 30
kandyk0119 | June 15, 2006 at 2:00 pm
First she starts w/ kabbalah then she lures them over to the UK, so they can speak with an “Oh so authentic” British accent and curse America like we didn’t freakin finance their whole damn career. Then we get made fun of for living “below their means”! Talk about “Bite the hand that feeds you” FUCKERS!
Italian Stallion | June 15, 2006 at 2:04 pm
Why does she keep trying to get other celeb’s to study sausage?
When they called her “The Keilbasa Queen” I thought they were talking about her love of the cock, not her religion………….
okiedoke | June 15, 2006 at 2:20 pm
Who cares? Somebody just get this girl to a manicurist.
N. Visible Man Jr. | June 15, 2006 at 2:26 pm
It’s just a plot so Madonna can get hold of the Firecrotch just to make more yarn. They’ll keep her in a cell and shave her head and bush twice a month. Then they’ll make her sit in her cell and make red yarn all day.
It’s diabolical.
Fisher55 | June 15, 2006 at 2:47 pm
esther & lilo sittin in a tree, K-A-B-B-A-L-A-H-K-R-O-T-C-H
jFp | June 15, 2006 at 3:10 pm
I’m scared to think what MADonna uses for a jesus-juice.
jFp | June 15, 2006 at 3:15 pm
I think MADonna is in a panic cause her cooch is drying up. So she compensates with some ancient jewish-juju.
bluecanary | June 15, 2006 at 3:18 pm
Madonna is like a creepy pedophile, desperately trying to suck out these girls’ life force. and “doing a movie with Lindsey Lohan”? LL will only agree to this if she wants to send her entire career into a tailspin. Madonna + movies are like oil and water. Her track record is a train wreck.
i could list all the way she creeps me out, but it would probably cause a server meltdown. Too bad her horse accident wasn’t on a Chris Reeve scale.
whoinvitedthefatchick | June 15, 2006 at 3:25 pm
What happens when you cross a firecrotch, a lesbian pedophile and a religion that sounds like an Al-Qaeda terrorist? Well i’m not quite sure but it must be scarier than sleeping in bed with Michael Jackson.