Madonna: ‘I’m not getting a divorce like that sucker A-Rod’ (BURN!)

While A-Rod’s marriage falls apart, Madonna decided it’d be a good time to issue a statement to People letting everyone know she’s going to stick with Guy Ritchie. She also apparently decided it’d be a good time to look like the bad guy from Hellboy II. I have no idea:

My husband and I are not planning on getting a divorce. I know Alex Rodriguez through Guy Oseary, who manages both of us. I brought my kids to a Yankee game. I am not romantically involved in any way with Alex Rodriguez. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study.”

After issuing her statement, Madonna opened her mouth and released a horde of flies throughout Lower Manhattan allowing Guy Ritchie to kidnap another black boy. Oh, sure, people say that’s David Banda, but then tell me: Who is this?! *pulls back window curtains* …. I swear to God I hid a black kid back here. I sort of “borrowed” him from the employee day care. *sniff sniff* I smell moth balls and sarcophagus funk. Madonna was here wasn’t she? Shit. I may get fired for this one. Unless… *picks up phone* Hello, Domino’s? I want a pizza with “I didn’t even know we had a day care” spelled out in pepperoni.

Photos: Splash News