Madonna: ‘I’m not getting a divorce like that sucker A-Rod’ (BURN!)

July 6th, 2008 // 33 Comments

While A-Rod’s marriage falls apart, Madonna decided it’d be a good time to issue a statement to People letting everyone know she’s going to stick with Guy Ritchie. She also apparently decided it’d be a good time to look like the bad guy from Hellboy II. I have no idea:

My husband and I are not planning on getting a divorce. I know Alex Rodriguez through Guy Oseary, who manages both of us. I brought my kids to a Yankee game. I am not romantically involved in any way with Alex Rodriguez. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study.”

After issuing her statement, Madonna opened her mouth and released a horde of flies throughout Lower Manhattan allowing Guy Ritchie to kidnap another black boy. Oh, sure, people say that’s David Banda, but then tell me: Who is this?! *pulls back window curtains* …. I swear to God I hid a black kid back here. I sort of “borrowed” him from the employee day care. *sniff sniff* I smell moth balls and sarcophagus funk. Madonna was here wasn’t she? Shit. I may get fired for this one. Unless… *picks up phone* Hello, Domino’s? I want a pizza with “I didn’t even know we had a day care” spelled out in pepperoni.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Dave

    first she banged a-rod

  2. God


  3. A-Rod can do much better.

    I can’t tho. :(

  4. If a woman could be a SUCKER also, IT’S HER!!

  5. Madonna looks like a zombie in that pic! And seriously, if you were A-Rod and you could bang pretty much anyone in NY – would you pick Madonna?

    Oh, #2 & #5 (troll) – both douche bags.

  6. devilsrain

    so sports, what youre saying is that if you type first when you arent you are a douchebag. But if you are actually 1st and say first youre not? LOL

    I cant wait until these celebs start dying off.

  7. fkitty

    She looks beautiful. Her music rocks. I saw her profile on m’illionaire d’ating s’ite “”"”"M e e t i n g W e a l t h y.c o m”"”" last week. “She is very picky about guys on that site”, according to the officials of that site.

  8. Madonna really scares me. I’m glad this wasn’t the last post of the day or I might have nightmares at bed time. Yikes.

  9. Liz

    I’m totally addicted to celebrity gossip! However, I found a website (posted it as my url) were some people just post about a totally normal person from somewhere as if she were a celebrity! I think that’s awesome!

  10. Actually Devilsrain – you are a douche if your life is so pathetic you get excited about being first. Just post your comment. 1st or 10th – it doesn’t matter. This thread is a good example of someone who while was kinda excited about being “first” actually made a post that seemed kinda funny. We don’t know if he was dumb enough to be happy about being 1st or was merely making his post. But, #2 and my troll #5 – are both complete douche bags.

  11. Guy Ritchie

    If A-Rod likes a little fist action for some spice, that’s the man to do it.

  12. Herpes

    Hi Madonna, I’ll be coming to visit again, please let everyone know. I know it’s been awhile but we used to be such good friends. I can’t wait to meet A-rod. Yea!

  13. Mal Gusto

    Iggy Pop called…he wants his arms backs.

  14. Scott

    Is that a louisville slugger in the pocket, or is Madge tucking her junk to the left now?

  15. veggi

    That’s the whole problem with their marriage – Madonna makes him clean the toilets AND hold the black kid. He must have to shower 10 times a day.

  16. devilsrain

    Lol I hear ya sports. Unfortunately the decline of western civilization continues….

  17. Xena768

    I lol’ed when I clicked the link. Glad they’re working it out. He seems like a good guy.

  18. Western civilization, Eastern civilization and everything in between. But, in a world where “American Idol” and “Dancing with the Stars” get millions of viewers we should have known common sense and intelligence were going down the crapper.

  19. Aman

    I agree, western civilization is decayed. Please help us blow it up and replace it with the one and only law of A l l a h.

  20. madonna rocks! She´s #4 in top 10 list for the most rich female celebs from

  21. eyepopper

    Madonna’s certainly looking good for a 65 year old.

  22. EuroNeckPain

    It seems she’s had neck surgery. The angle under her chin is strange. Like the skin was pulled up. She is too young to do that. It is a thing of superficial people in their late fifties. With all the yoga she’s doing she shouldn’t need surgery. her arms are scary.

  23. Robert Lewis

    Madonna’s state tax liens, Alex Rodriguez’s tax liens, Dennis Rodman’s federal tax liens and Kravitz’s corporations

  24. Robert Lewis

    Madonna’s state tax liens, Alex Rodriguez’s tax liens, Dennis Rodman’s federal tax liens and Kravitz’s corporations

  25. Sario

    @ #10 Fuck you.

  26. lambman

    you say A-Rod could do better, but remember this woman in the 90′s she probably knows sexual tricks most people have never even thought possible

  27. dogonabone

    her ears are setting too far back on her head.

  28. Capers

    oh come on…it is so obvious….A-Rod visited Madonna to compare biceps and weight training techniques…..(Madonna, if only you would review your earliest videos…THAT slightly plumped out look of yours was SO adorabley sexy….I know we all age, but a little more weight and curves would do WONDERS for you and your marriage.)

  29. herbiefrog


    …we guess you can hear… ?

    …te approaching…[can we stop now? thanks]

    [let him post]

  30. nancy

    nice list that one from

  31. Dee

    Wow, I love the way that A Rods wife is giving all the blame to everyone else but herself.
    I personally, think that Cynthia married the man for money, and now she has finally found a way to cash out her meal ticket.
    She needs to go out and get a job. Don’t get me wrong, their kids need to be supported and deserve to not have the kids lives interrupted, at the same time, why should Mom live this lavish lifestyle.
    I personally DO NOT believe that Madonna had an affair with him.
    Having a spiritual path is not a bad thing. I personally think the Kaballah is a crock, at the same time, I believe everyone has the right to their own spiritual path.
    If they had the affair, may they both have to pay a hefty price, but I really doubt that is the case.

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