Madonna may move to Israel

April 3rd, 2006 // 89 Comments

Rumors are circulating that Madonna may move to Israel. She’s reportedly touring there this fall and is interested in buying a house in Safed, the ancient city where Kabbalah was born. There’s not a whole lot of information or even a credible source, but Madonna moving to Israel just sounds right. It’d be like Tom Cruise announcing that he’s moving to crazy space-alien land. It’s ridiculous. But it’s not.



  1. gammanormids

    I am not an expert so I might be wrong about this but, once I heard/read that Kabalah was like – I am using simple words here – the last chapter of the Jewish religion, meaning that was for the most expert of the Jew Scholars to understand and not some simply theory any mortal with enough money can use as a proper religion. In fact, is not a religion: it’s part of one.

  2. Pez_D_Spencer

    Open Note to All Hamas and Hizbollah Katyusha Crews:

    There’s a nice crisp $20 for you if you plonk her with a rocket. Granted, she’ll probably just blow it, but still….

  3. ivri

    niiiice biceps, madge. Her butchness somehow reminds me of linda hamilton in terminator 2. thats NOT a compliment. yecchh

  4. ivri

    niice biceps, madge. somehow, her butch upper arms RUHHLLY remind me of linda hamilton in terminator 2, or whatever number that was. yechhh.

  5. hafaball

    I don’t know what’s weirder, red string religion, crazy alien religion, talking burning bush religion, or guy that knows magic religion. I’ll go with motha fuckin’ Buddah any day.

  6. ivri

    stupid roommate copied my post sorry all

  7. sweetcheeks

    Egyptian enslavement…40 years in the desert… Roman occupancy… The Third Reich… and now THIS? Yaweh can’t seem to cut this guys a break.

  8. sweetcheeks

    trotter, you ARE a witty bastard.

  9. I admit, I too have liked her since I was a little girl.

    What can I say? She had me at “Shalom”.

  10. Trotter

    Sweetcheeks, aren’t you? – Its not so much wit but righteousness, right? I mean, Midge really brings out the truth in people. Its her power to blow your fucking mind with ever-more-so insulting antics. I can’t wait until she decides switch concepts again, move to Kabul to build a Taliban retreat and have her vagina sewn shut on live webcam. Who doesn’t?

  11. HughJorganthethird

    I’m pretty sure I read about this shit in the Book of Revelations. Don’t be suprised if tommorow’s news is all Pestilence all the time (and I don’t mean Paris)

    #41 “Confessions from a Lox store”. That’s gold baby, gold

  12. Good Ridence! She’s nuts anyway.

  13. Herr Helmut

    This essentially quashes my childhood dream of moving to Safed.

    Then again, I AM into aging shemales…

  14. krisdylee

    And, yet, I would STILL be humbled to meet that crazy bitch, still would, ahem, want to partake in a conversation over a few pints of Guiness (sans Gwyneth, I hope)with her, trying desperately not to let on how freakin’ excited I was hangin’, yes, hangin’ out with Ma-fucking-donna….

  15. Bride-to-be

    few people know this but she actually has a sister who lives in Israel so it would not be so weird for her to move there. Israel is not necessarly a place only for Jews – In fact there are many people from different nationalities and religions that go there. Unfortunately the media only shows the bad side.

  16. sid

    Ah, over twenty years ago, it was her and Cyndi Lauper at the top of the charts. Madonna with her refried Monroe/Betty Page imagery, and Lauper for the misfits.

    Today, Cyndi is older buts looks cherubic, and can still sing just great. She’s maturing like-as the saying goes-a fine wine.

    Madonna is a desperate asshole who is still trying to “shock” us…or make some kind of statement…or something.

    Cyndi wins :)

    “I wanna be the one to walk in the sun,”

  17. Talk about the right of return!! This is ridiculous. In fact, it’s recockulous.

  18. She is the biggest moron ever, well, except for the part about making a lot of money making pop music and selling sex, but now that she has a fake British accent and reads the Kabbalah everyday…yeah…moron.

  19. pixelbasic

    Let’s just hope she uses the local mass transit.

  20. boobtube

    jew-run-media. i’m jewish, and seeing shit like this disgusts me. i read the kabbalah, granted, its a much more interesting piece of work than the superwoman comics i recently farted on (owned by my niece), but it is no fucking reason in any way/shape/form a reason to move to israel.

  21. zyklone_b

    It is incredible how Madonna is hotter now that she is in her late 40s than when she was younger. She’s probably more synthetic than chicken Mcnuggets, but she’s definitely a MILF and I would bone her.

    She can rot for all I care.

  22. Johnathan

    #49, being a real Israeli jew, i’d suggest you find other israeli friends, or maybe it’s you who is the problem, with that kind of attitude

  23. Ms Crackalackin

    Madonna has a form of ADD. She has to change things constantly. After living in Israel, she’ll be ready to convert to Hinduism and move to Bombay. Or maybe she’ll go Muslim and join the Iranians in their quest to destroy America. Can’t you just picture Madonna up on stage in a leotard and a burqa? Tres novel!

  24. where so I sign up to help her pack…the sooner she goes the better

  25. so where do I sign up to help her pack? The sooner she goes the better!

  26. This is the most out of date blog EVER! I was just pondering the idea of buying a home in Isreal, but I got over it like a month ago. Besides Guy was so not into the idea.

    #49 I’m not a God Damn Jew! We just read the same books bitch!

  27. Conductor71

    I think this is terrifying – I cant believe such things go on in this day and age!! I suspect something nasty is going on beneath the surface here, and the sooner someone gets to the bottom of it the better.
    Needless to say, I am referring to todays episode of “Scooby Doo” which has been thoroughly gripping so far.

  28. Mr. Fritz

    Hey #71, are you on drugs? What part of her is attractive? Her arms scare me, her hair looks like shit, and her face gives me the willies. She was attractive when she first invaded our living rooms. She was the sexy Catholic from Michigan who banged Sean Penn and sounded American.

  29. Sayonara

    i hope she gets killed by some 12 year old suicide bomber.

  30. Dee

    see ya!!! lol #33

  31. #35, Madonna isn’t Jewish, Kabbala is just an antient mysticism text, and the form that MAdonna practices is an invented religeon. Israel as far as I know doesn’t even allow them to open a branch there because they think it is a sham and a rip off.

    And number #25, that was pure comic gold.

  32. #29 LOL!!

    I can’t stand her arms. She’s got arms like my 13-year-old son’s. She and Mick Jagger should have called it quits at least 10 years ago.

  33. #29 LOL!!

    I can’t stand her arms. She’s got arms like my 13-year-old son’s. She and Mick Jagger should have called it quits at least 10 years ago.

  34. The world is coming to an end if maddonna moves to Israel, she already raising the anti-christ..

  35. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Lookit those knockers!!! Slap-boxin’ time – holy jiggly Moses!!! <– what Madonna wants us to think.

  36. LaydeeBug

    Good, maybe she can squish the terrorists with her huge quadriceps. Then she’ll open a Material Kibbutz with a gift shop where she’ll sell her pubic hairs on a petrie dish for 348.00.

    She’ll reinvent herself as an Israeli, shave her head, call herself an Hassidic, and have a huge seder in their a soccer stadium. Then she’ll become a cantor (since she’s already taken voice lessons) and hold temple in the Gaza Straight or strip or whatever you call Gaza.


    OMG I love Madonna and you guys who are dissing her ought to be ashamed of yourselves! It is a her own perogative, she looks amazing, and she makes great music! She is also a good person, but I don’t see how anyone who can say such things could be.

  38. Tara

    You all are effing d-bags, I thought BSB was awesome. What if Kevin saw all this shit you guys are posting? Don’t losers like you ever get off the fucking computer? Everyone has feelings, so go fuck yourselves

  39. I believe she might. actually, her dabble into Kabbalah contributed to her marriage break up. I just wrote a book about an American who moved to Israel and came back after 23 years. Moving does not have to be forever. Madonna moved to England, why not Israel?
    Jason Alster – author/ publisher
    Leaving Home, Going Home , Returning Home

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