Madonna makes no f-cking sense

December 17th, 2008 // 52 Comments

Madonna is denying reports that she paid Guy Ritchie a $76 million divorce settlement. The two issued a joint statement this morning refuting yesterday’s highly publicized reports of their settlement, according to People:

“We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest.
“A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week.
“The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement.
“Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children.”

Jesus, Madonna, which is it? First, you didn’t want to give Guy Ritchie any money. Then you wanted to give him money to make him look like a gold-digger. But now the two of you are issuing joint statements together which makes absolutely no fucking sense. Seriously, I’m tempted to send someone over to check your sarcophagus for a gas leak. Where do you hide a spare key for A-Rod? Under the Sphinx? Got it.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Que

    Que confusing.

  2. Natalia

    I have nightmares about her…


  3. mimi

    Your dick’s bigger than his and my pussy stinks worse than hers. Why is Madonna’s business out business?

  4. Elisha

    really who cares, i am so tired of hearing about this old prune

  5. That’s a wide stance. Notice the shorts, while they do ride up, they don’t stop her from doing what she needs to do.

  6. #4

    Amazing what makes the news, eh? I’m so ready to see Madonna go on an extended leave. I’m also sick of hearing Perez Hilton suck her dick. Yes, she has a dick.

  7. kat

    # 6


  8. havoc

    All she has to do is go buy another African kid and she’ll feel just right as rain…


  9. lizzy

    killer boots, man!

    everyone is so sick of this bullshit, and the fact that they think anyone still cares. i bet madonna is milking this whole ordeal for money, because she’s a master manipulator.

  10. tp

    pretty sure little david is flipping us all the bird in #4

  11. “Whilst”? I wonder if she “learnt” that in the UK? Any American that uses “whilst” should be shot whilst using it. I bet she replace all her “z” sounds with “z’s”. What an unAmerican bitch.

  12. jrz

    whilst? Fuck you, and your fake British accent, Madonna.

  13. That kid is flipping off the camera! Priceless!

  14. Jrz

    OH MY GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN RICHPORT’S GHOST! Wouldja just take a look at what we did? Talk about a shiney shine.

  15. mimi

    Does anyone in this country have the faith to pray anymore?

  16. mimi

    I love you Madonna!!!!!

  17. Rick

    “We have tried to maintain a dignified silence ”
    This is the same biatch who called him an “emotional retard” at one of her concerts.

    She has absolutely no class.

  18. What the hell is Backwood Bitch rambling about? why are you making comments on this broard when you are lame and make no sense,,,your primary job is to be a rough follower, and youre a failure at that….

  19. It’s like your in my ethereal head Jrz…

  20. #15 – Yea Meems – can I call you Meems? – I prayed for a blowjob yesterday but my wife said her bruised uvula had yet to heal and she’s sick of me holding her nose so I can slide it down her throat farther when she gasps for air. So I just whacked off instead.

    Oh, and for the record, “prayed” means “begged”.

  21. Anonymous

    The word “dignified” has no place in any article about Madonna.

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  23. p0nk

    praying for mimi…

  24. Jrz

    Yes, Mimi, I do have faith to pray. For example, I pray that Santa brings you a set bear trap and leaves it next to your bed so you get it first thing Christmas morning.

  25. Ash

    her kid’s throwing up the middle finger in #2. always knew madonna was a bad parent, those children books dont cover up shit

  26. #24 – And I pray that Santa gives her those cyanide lollipops that are all the rage on those emo web sites…

  27. mimi

    It doesn’t quite seem fair that I am just about the only one here with any decency and I am the one most insulted. I guess there is not much use trying to teach a pig how to wipe it’s mouth or a whore to close her legs.
    You people make me sick.

  28. Big Poppa Stump

    She just looks filthy.

  29. Jrz

    It makes a lot of sense to teach a pig to wipe its mouth; they’re notoriously messy eaters. As for the whore closing her legs, well…that’s just fucking stupid, Mimi….how else would I earn my paycheck? DUH! You’re so stupid.

  30. #27 – You should work on your gag reflex… you’ll vomit less… unless spooge gets you nauseous.

    And those that purport to be the most decent tend to be anal whores with glory hole fetishes.

  31. Jrz

    Yeah. What he said. *nods in agreement*

  32. Meems, if I pray with you, can a look under your smock? Can we pray naked, as god intended us to be? Relax, we can use leaves to cover our junk… just make sure mine is a palm leaf.

  33. Vince Lombardi

    Yes, Mimi. I pray that:

    1) Madonna doesn’t wake up tomorrow.

    2) That I will.

  34. Anonymous

    Who is this mimi person? Emotionally disturbed doesn’t even begin to describe that goblin.

  35. #34 – Hold on let me ask her… Meems? (looks down) Who are you?

    Mimi: (looks up) MMPPH MPPPH (slurp)

    She said she’s busy, get back to her.

  36. mimi


    Madonna has more creative energy in her stool than any of you in your brains.
    Why do you have to gang up on me like this? Am I not allowed to voice my opinions here? I must really say things that hit home!

  37. Jrz

    Why would I look into a mirror to hear something? Now, Meems, it would have made WAY more sense if you said……like…….Why don’t all of you speak into a microphone that is hooked up to a speaker and hear yourselves and how depraved…yaddah yaddah yaddah.

  38. bootlips

    I vever go out without my nigger accessory.

  39. Hey Meems… typing in caps isn’t really yelling… it’s just, well, make letters that should be regular sized big. And I find it very unChristian of you to write that YOU should be allowed to have an opinion while trying to bully me out of mine. Very nice Meems. No cunnilingus for you later. Ok, fine, when you wiggle like that, I find it hard to resist… what’s that? Oh… you’re not moving… the wind’s flapping the extra skin on your body? Oops… I thought you looked a little blurry…

  40. Jrz

    Meems is oppressing me.

  41. mimi

    Who says I’m a christian? And Richport, in your dreams buddy.
    JRZ I am not doing anything to you. I bet you would like me to wouldn’t you though?
    THIS IS YELLING. That at least is what I am trying to convey. Do you understand this? NO?

  42. Royalty

    O love you mimi don’t let these nutjobs bring you down that’s what they do here. You should know honey.
    Madge is the most innovative performer of the century get over your hatred already.

  43. Meems, when you get hot and bothered, I bother to get hot. You play the socket, I’ll be the cord… let’s make electricity baby… just lift your stomach(s) please…

    I didn’t say you were Christian, I just said you were being unChristian. All that pretend yelling is affecting your reading.

    THIS IS TYPING IN CAPS!!!! And to be clear, were you yelling that last “no”? Your fingers say no, but your eyes say yes baby…

  44. Minxx

    Whatever the settlement He didn’t get enough for putting up with that 50 year old twat and her control freak mentality.

    Don’t bother with a reply Madloonies. I won’t be coming back to watch you sputter with outrage.

  45. sheisaskank

    How on earth does she make so much money and dress like a bum living on the street? She is disgusting.

  46. She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” W e a l t h y D a t e r . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?

  47. Mike

    Where’d she get the pet monkey? I want one! By the way Obama, where’s my fucking check?

  48. She’s sick grandma is using this kid for only one thing, folks:

  49. jrz

    Ew. Mimi is trying to hit on me. Yuck.

  50. herbiefrog

    there are some *nasty* people on this site

    zach braff ?

    we never actually said his name…

    …oh i guess we did [exactly]

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