Madonna has some magic water

August 22nd, 2006 // 61 Comments

Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie have reportedly been lobbying the British government and nuclear inudstry to “clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid,” says London’s Sunday TImes.

“It was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically,” one official told the Times. “She relentlessly pursued people,” according to a former civil servant. “She wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants.”

“I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn’t a world to conquer, what’s the point?” Madonna said, according to the paper. “I’ve just come to a place in my life where I’m trying to really see what the big picture is and where my energy is better spent, and that’s one area I’m really concerned about.” Madonna’s rep dismissed the story as old news, saying that the singer’s efforts occurred a few years back. “Better to talk about her current obsession – building an orphanage in [the AIDS ravaged African nation of] Malawi,” she noted, “kind of adopting an entire country.”

Conquer the world? Madonna is like some hyperactive six year old that still believes in the Tooth Fairy. One day she’s trying to sell magic water and the next she trying to adopt Africa. Pretty soon she’ll try to buy a unicorn so she can ride it to the North Pole and ask Santa for a shiny new rainbow.


  1. SuperShallow


  2. DudeSlick

    What’s this old bag gonna do next to seem cool and relavent? – Maybe fuck a crucifix onstage while Guy Ritchie douses the fans with magic water?


    Ok, I’ll give you Cher, HOWEVER, For Madonna’s longevity, blame the Europeans. Her last CD before the most recent one TANKED over here, but still sold overseas. Her last CD did better over here but did monster business overseas. Damn Euro’s!!! Let MAdonna Go, it’s over she is no longer cool!!!

    As for Liza, Babs, and Celine. I’m pretty sure most of their audiences now are old ladys. And Tom Cruise.

  4. Wild Rose

    Madonna can take long drags of oxygen as much as she wants…it’s obviously doing nothin’ to keep her hands looking young!!!!

    Very scary granny hands, indeed!

  5. Tha-Flash

    She has had some good songs but she’s turned into a weird pain in the ass now. And her recent songs are shite.

  6. bunnyhugger

    alright, i’m gonna get beat up over this, but “the gays” love bette, too. but she keeps her mouth shut. funny as hell, has a great set of lungs (and i DO mean those big ballooney things INSIDE her body) she’s actually made a couple of, at least, FUN movies.

    and i thought barry mannilow wrote all the songs???
    @30, rimmer- priceless!

    #22 grunt?

    lord (or should that be “lourdes”), i hate this person. always have.

  7. jrzmommy

    the fags LOVE the Divine Miss M! But I don’t want her career to end as I want Madonna’s, Cher’s and that fucking goddammed Striesand bitch’s career to end. Midler and Manilow used to perform in the bathhouses in San Francisco way back. He’d play the music and she’d sing. They were a team.

  8. Sunniva

    Fabulous films?! *passes out laughing*

  9. Mona

    I love Madonna! I live and breathe Madonna and she is the greatest artisit ever to walk to the face of the earth!! Listen all you fuckers out there that say you hate her, you are all just jealous of her accomplishments and wouldn’t know great music if it bit you inthe arse!!! Listen fuckers nobody wants to listen to you pessimistic views are you famous? Thought so you are all just a bunch of dropkick cock sucks and nobody wants to hear you put your two cents worth in!!! FUCKERS. Madonna rules the world she is ingenious and is the most beautiful and inteliigent women ever to the walk the face of the planet!!!! Love you Madonna love your number one fan!!!!

  10. yeah, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure…….why doesn’t she move to a nuclear waste facility and hang out with her kabbalah water?

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