Madonna: ‘Hold the Jesus’

Despite reports she’d be escorted by Jesus Luz to the Academy Awards, Madonna showed up stag to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party last night. I guess she didn’t want Jesus’ exotic looks distracting anyone from “the gun show.” Which is the exact same excuse I use for sitting alone at Starbucks every Friday night. Sure, nobody believes me, but one time I got a free sympathy coffee if I promised to stop crying. Score!

Photos: Getty