Madonna: ‘Hold the Jesus’

February 23rd, 2009 // 51 Comments

Despite reports she’d be escorted by Jesus Luz to the Academy Awards, Madonna showed up stag to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party last night. I guess she didn’t want Jesus’ exotic looks distracting anyone from “the gun show.” Which is the exact same excuse I use for sitting alone at Starbucks every Friday night. Sure, nobody believes me, but one time I got a free sympathy coffee if I promised to stop crying. Score!

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. Frank Lucas' Bitch

    Hahaha, bitch got owned!

  2. poof

    who cares?

  3. q

    1st!!!!!

  4. lolo

    First??

    WOW she looks stunning

  5. Savalas

    Die and get out of the way, Grandma!

  6. Alex Rodgriguez

    I’m in heaven when I feel those forearm veins pulsing inside me…

  7. nancy

    Madonna is one of the hottest cougars that most men want??
    Really doubt that!! there are actually lots of hot and sexy cougars on __AgelessMate.com__ are simply awesome!! they are the real beauties!!!

  8. justifiable

    As long as she’s striking a pose, she shoulda gone for the “little teapot” Just as ridiculous as this one, but that way she could’ve shown off her triceps.

  9. Came to watch the ex win his Oscar, eh? The amount of time she spends working out in order to look like that ain’t worth it, man. Not for me.

  10. Madonna must shave at least twice a week,,,poor Lourdes already have a unibrow,,,but shes young its kinda cute now…

  11. Janet Reno

    It’s a mistake to go with just one pose. Sure, front lat spread is a good look for her, but she needs to mix it up with, say, back double biceps or even a flash of “most muscular”.

  12. Douchie, next time I’m at the minneapolis airport I will stop by the men’s room and give you a dirty sanchez unibrow.

  13. Guy Ritchie

    Lourdes already has a bush twice the size of Vanessa Hudgens’. And don’t kid yourself, underneath it all Madonna is sagging like anybody else her age. When she doesn’t wear tighty whities her balls practically hang to her knees.

  14. Andy

    Her fans and “her people” must have been inspired by Sean Penn’s acceptance speech. Too bad he beat her when they were married. Actually, too bad they didn’t stay together for a few more years of beatings. As with Rihanna, it’s not like a fist would make the face any uglier.

  15. Madonna who?

    Who cares about this awful woman?
    She is nothing but the sum of other people’s ideas-
    I’m interested in the originals of this world, not the cheap imitators.
    Feh.

  16. Madonna looks really good!

  17. I apoloigize for offensive comments on this website, but I am not responsible.

  18. Binky

    Looks like her and A-Rod could be sharing ‘roids – and it’s unlikely Jesus completely understood the Khabala thing.

  19. Apes in the White House

    Madonna looks strikingly similar to the First Orangutan, Michelle Obomma. (except for the purple-hued moolie skin)

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  20. heather

    I think she takes testosterone. That would explain the facial hair. She’s too cut for a 50 year old WOMAN.

  21. RichPort's Mangina

    I think Madonna’s hot, I wish she would put on a strap-on and tear my ass up!

  22. Sean Penn

    Hey, you know I’m all for supporting the cause of teh gheys, but they don’t make it easy by treating this ‘roided gargoyle like a goddess. The only reason I hooked up with her was to pretend I was an NHL player and get a “natural hat trick” by shooting 3 consecutive spurts of skeet between her front teeth.

  23. oliver23

    Just heard that he is ho-oking up with a nice gi-rl on the inter-esting cl-ub called: ____T all min gle Co M____, really ? Sounds it is a famoaus on-line service.

  24. jt

    gorgeous? compared to what? a gargoyle? i’m sorry, but she is skeletor. and she’s gross.

  25. missywissy

    She looks “good” but are her hands glued to her hips?

    I don’t get why women who are older work so hard to look like they’re 20. I think we kind of expect people to sag as they get older. People with brains realize it’s a part of being mortal. Should I be impressed with how great she looks? I just imagine her in the gym 2 hours a day trying to get like that. That’s like 3 months out of your life each year just so people won’t talk shit. Whatever.

  26. Randal

    Madonna has been nothing but an example to everyone that the correct amount of working out, eating and staying happy will have long lasting affects on us all.

    Madonna, you’re looking GREAT, for your age, if you don’t mind me saying. Thanks for sending your pics to the FISH, beautiful!

    Randal

  27. Maybe he couldn’t make it because he was out getting his pussy waxed? (shrugs)

  28. sin

    Nah, The guy saw her naked and found out her strap on hadn’t been cleaned since she used it on her ex. He tried to run away, but she owerpower him and used him like the bitch he is. He was too sore to walk the carpet with her.
    She has that grin on her face because she knows the little wimp will still be tied to her bed when she gets back. Madonna will then switch to the 2 foot black one and orgasm repeatedly while listening to him scream!!

  29. Misty

    There was a Madonna song on the radio this morning and I asked my 11 year old daughter if she knew who Madonna was and she said “Who?” GREAT way to start my Monday. I’m 31 years old and this morning was the first time I’ve actually felt old. Yuck.

  30. figures

    #19 This is now about the 17th time you’ve posted your little cut and paste attempt on every thread – how desperate are you for feedback? What went wrong? Mommy didn’t ooh and aah over it and put it on the fridge? Teacher didn’t give you a gold star? The other kids called you retarded because you ate the paste? (That last one’s easy.)

  31. Kate

    She has a great figure but geez, she is fucking scary looking with those arms. Not even remotely feminine.

  32. momo

    I like madonna

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  33. sammy

    Who will win? who cares….
    I just heard a inte resting place ___Tallmingle CoM___, maybe we can find some f u n there.

  34. mm

    She is starting to look more and more like a man. Gross.

  35. I totally forgot what I was gonna say..

    FUCK

  36. Bigot hater

    #19 You are an ignorant moron, and I hope you rot in hell.

  37. Marketta

    #35, guess how I know you smoke pot.

  38. S

    We all know that Madonna is a control freak….it takes at least 3/4/5 hours a day workouts to look like this. Besides, with all the money she has made, she could of just bought some arms….FREAK!

  39. She looks good for her age. She is a good example!

  40. cady

    She is so hot. I have seen his profile on ____Millionaire Romances com______, she is welcomed by a lot of rich singles and celebs here. She is looking for passion and excitement?

  41. cady

    She is so hot. I have seen his profile on ____Millionaire Romances com______, she is welcomed by a lot of rich singles and celebs here. She is looking for passion and excitement?

  42. She looks good for her age. She is a good example!

  43. madonna: THE WRESLER, folks!!

  44. JJ

    omy effing jesus h christ!!

    are those real? no wayyy she looks this .. disguisting

  45. wet newspaper

    Ahh, gross! A woman aint supposed to be hard and vicious like that. A lady should be soft and tender, something you want to hold. Her pose is so unnatural, she doesn’t look comfortable at all.

  46. linda

    She is so hot, I like her.
    Hey, I’m an open minded girl from UK, I’m­­ interested in exotic things, photography, dating and­­ sports…I have my photos on — T a l l h u b.C o m­­ —, I love tall guys!
    Do you love traveling and have­­ some experience? Just find me out.

  47. carol

    #37 That was so funny. I was thinking the same thing when I read it.

  48. carol

    #37 That was so funny. I was thinking the same thing when I read it.

  49. Clee Clee

    very obvious cheek implants, how lame

  50. jen

    Hey!! i didn’t know that Madonna adopt a new son…hey it’s too big!! where i can find one of those for me? JAJAJAJA

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