Madonna forsakes Jesus to the curb

March 20th, 2009 // 49 Comments

Madonna has decided to end things with her 22-year-old boyfriend Jesus Luz after he was spotted partying in Rio with several females and reportedly hooked up with 19-year-old model Luciana Costa, according to the Daily Star:

As our insider explained: “Madonna has just come out of a very long and difficult relationship.
“She was drawn to Jesus. But it was just a bit of fun and she’s enjoyed herself. But she is growing bored of the relationship and her family comes first. He would ruin her chances of adopting again. And the pictures of him with Luciana made her realise that he’ll be better suited to somebody his own age.”

Somewhere Guy Ritchie is laughing so hard English Muffins shot out of his nose. That’s the British way, folks. That’s the British way.

superficial

  1. Jrz

    Would ruin her chances of adopting again? Yeah, I guess they don’t like you to fuck the person you’re adopting, as is the case with Madonna adopting this boy Jesus here.

  2. Magic doo doo

    she should tie that idiotic kabbalah piece of yarn around her worn-out old clit

  3. Sam

    “And the pictures of him with Luciana made her realise that he’ll be better suited to somebody his own age.”

    Another clue was when she accidentally put a light on in bedroom while naked and Jesus pointed and screamed “what the fuck is THAT??!!” about 10 times.

  4. mamamiasweetpeaches

    “adopting again”???? what is she? Angelina Jolie??? I love how these people who have no intention of staying home and raising thier kids keep adding more onto the pile!

    Why doesnt she just adopt Jesus? He’s young enough to be her son!

  5. lee

    He is unbelievably hot. Thank god he’s got an out from this “relationship” and he can go back to banging hot, barely legal, underwear models.

  6. Dusk till Dawn

    I bet he is gonna miss her icy cold death touch. She is probably sad because he has been photographed with her too many times making it impossible to suck his life force and discard the body. People would know he was missing. Damn you paps , damn you !

  7. Richport's Ghost

    Hey Jesus,

    If you wanna make a run at old RichPort’s Ghost, you know how to reach me.

    I know I’m a condescending prick & I pick fights with everyone here, but I’m so clever and self-absorbed, I just can’t help myself.

    Momma said self-restraint was never my strong suit, maybe that’s why I’m 350lbs and keep a good stock of cookie dough in the fridge. Thank god there are still gay men out there who love a fat, bald, middle-aged unemployed miserable pricks like myself.

    Now it’s time to watch re-runs of Mr. Rogers while heating up Hot Pockets and drinking a nice cold glass of Strawberry Quik. OH GOODIE, the Backyardigans are on next! Better put down my Sega Genesis controller & pause my Sonic the Hedgehog game, I’m on level 97 and it only took me 6 years to get there.

    Goddamnit I hate myself so much. I suck…. The self-loathing permeates my very existence. Guess I should start thinking about not being such a prick on this site, maybe that’ll help my self-esteem.

    Oh who am I kidding…

  8. Jeff

    It was over when he realized he wasn’t getting any of her money and she realized he could get erections…with girls, not crypt keepers.

  9. missywissy

    Thank goodness, now we won’t have to read these cheesy headlines on the Superficial relating to biblical phrases about Christ.

    Superficial writer should get some ‘ligion in his/her life. spriritualty, scruples, something….

  10. just a few electrons

    Some people sure do keep grudges (#7).

  11. Zanna

    @7 – RichPort really threatens you on a lot of levels doesn’t he? The ONLY thing you got right about him is that he’s clever.

  12. Richport's Ghost

    I’m sorry. I AM trolling Rich. But it’s because he’s funnier than me and smarter with a kick ass job. I suck. And I really do hate myself.

  13. GuyHolly

    #12 please pull the trigger for real this time douchebag.

  14. Zanna

    oh, god..I had forgotten about that incident, Guy…..what a fucking douchebag.

  15. Jennyjenjen

    @11 Seriously, this guy has it bad for Rich..

  16. coco

    Nice side ads, fish…

  17. Plumber, Joe T.

    Me love you long time.

  18. Jacque Louie of Orange II

    We all saw this coming! Didn’t we!?

  19. Nero

    I’ll guess he got his last check and gone is he!

  20. Darth

    My sympathy goes out to her daugther! Aww!

  21. Galtacticus

    Great ads btw!

  22. Galtacticus

    What’s that thing about adopting again!??

  23. it’s easy: AN AMERICAN GRANDMA WHO WANTS TO STAY YOUNG FOREVER, folks!!

  24. What, did she just now notice that she’s elderly??

  25. why oh why do we even care about this? get a life people..and stop following some loser!

  26. justifiable

    Madonna is the one who will ruin her chances for adopting again, but what a fucking lame self-serving excuse. Her feed-me ego demanded that she find a kid with a family so she could be chosen over them and now she thinks her 22 year old hookup might fuck up the next one? Raving fucking megalomaniac, I feel sorry for any kids she gets her mitts on.

  27. KDIZZLL

    i cannot stand this closet j=wbag with her witchcraft kaballah belief. paris needs to come out of the closet as well.and by the way is the sup playing a game of how many jbags can i fit on one page today wtf.paul rudd,jason segel,madonna,paris. is this a religious website?

  28. MADOGNA IS IN DENIAL

    YOU ARE F-I-F-T-Y AND ACT RIDICULOUS.
    GET A F*CKING CLUE, FOR PITY’S SAKE.

  29. dunno

    Isnt giving up Jesus for Lent kinda missing the point??

  30. spence

    #28 You better hope not because God might strike your antisemite ass dead. YOu suck at it too. Paris HIlton, are you fucking kidding? Guess everyone who’s famous or has more $$ than you must be Jewish otherwise it’d be you up there. Have nice FAIL life, bungwipe.

  31. RaraAvis

    Ya know, Jesus is that kind of hot that quickly degenerates with age. And he has butt chin. I’m sure he was fun in the sack, but I’ll bet he’s dumb as a bag of rocks.

  32. Lack of discretion

    She is like his mom. She has just made a fool of herself. She is a joke really.
    What religion that she follows and doesn’t teach her self esteem and dignity as a woman with young children and still she fools around with guys whose age as young enough to be her son?
    That is totally disgusting and disgraceful!

  33. Sheva

    Love how the Brazilian dude is dismissed after pics of him and a normal good looking chick surface.

    And Grandmom Madge can’t handle it so she has her publicist send out this utter crap press release. Ick, get that shit off.

  34. KL

    Um, she’s Madonna- she can do what she wants (always has). I’d say it’s always worked out well for her.

  35. robert

    “…and her family comes first”
    yes, we can tell her family comes first since she is never ever seen with them, and the loathing between them and her is common knowledge.

  36. hiseer

    She is still so beautiful, but I don`t like her any more because she likes dat ing with a few different Billionaires on “C e l e b m i n g l e. C 0 M” these days. It is already reported by New York daily.

  37. annie d

    #32 RaraAvis – hello darling! I have found you again (POF) lolololol… good to see you in your usual Rara form here too. “fun in the sack but dumb as a bag of rocks” hahahahahaaaa.. how you always make me laugh. Everyone is so hostile toward Madonna eh? hmmm why? you will all be 50 one day.. God forbid? hahahahaahaa.. She works hard for that kick as body no? She looks damn good for 50 so why does her number have to bother all you kids so much! If she looks like a sexpot why can’t she act like a sexpot? lolololol.. It is the way she has always lived her life, so live and let live. Personally i could care less what boytoy she is playing with next, as she is only one of lots of women who are 40s, 50s, 60s (cher?) who are considered worthy of their boytoys. I must say all the snide remarks are hilariously funny to me, i do so enjoy sarcasm. So this has been a fun read.

  38. Minge

    There was no relationship. Madonna was simply breaking Jesus in for Annie Sprinkle.

  39. Marketta

    It’s sad. :(
    I really thought this guy would rise to the challenge like Brad Pitt did.

  40. She is still seeing Dr Rand Pink the gynecologist That’s who she will end up with eventually. He is age appropriate. although it was reported he was seeing Jennifer Aniston after he breakup with John Mayer

  41. Yank and wank they rhyme for a reason

    Americans shit muffins out their arses, thats one reason you are all so hugely fat.

  42. He’s too young an good looking. It was never meant to last.

  43. sunshine

    My friend recommended me a very interesting place **** A f f l u e n tM e e t c o m **** It’s where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with.

  44. He’s too young an good looking.

  45. I think its ok if Madonna leave Jesus Luz because this relationship has no strength and truth. So there is no way to stay together. Rest, see what gonna happen…..!

  46. kk

    madonna doesnt date him anymore.guy is a loser.he is drunk all the time and he is all alone.without his kids and his wife.if u think it make he happy opk.but he pretends her is happy but he isnt.thats why he is always drunk.

  47. demiiio

    she is hot for 50.im 25 and i fell atractive to her.she is on our fantasies.all of her sexuality is sexy

  48. It was more when he realized he did not get any of her money and I knew that he could get an erection. With the girls, rather than keeping forces crypt.

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