Madonna bringing Jesus to the Oscars

February 20th, 2009 // 76 Comments

Probably because A-Rod publicly admitted to juicing himself up and therefore has tiny testicles, sources for OK! Magazine say Madonna’s bringing her Brazilian model boyfriend Jesus Luz to the Oscars on Sunday. Nobody knows about his testicles, so it only makes sense:

“Madonna and Jesus have spent all week planning their outfits for Oscar night,” a pal tells OK! “Madonna is planning on using the Vanity Fair party to introduce Jesus to the world as her new boyfriend, and she wants everything to be perfect!”
So why all the fuss if Jesus is just a fling? It seems Madge is getting serious about her latest conquest.
“She’ll put to rest any rumor that Jesus was ‘just a model’ during that racy W photo shoot,” the source adds. “Madonna and Jesus’ romance is real.”

Because I’m a man of science, I made passionate love to a bag of sand a few minutes ago. Just to try and get into the head of a kid like Jesus Luz. You’re a freaking model, but yet you settle for Grandma Sinew. I guess what my main question is: What do you use for the chafing? And also the bleeding, loss of skin, dizziness, etc.? Time is a factor. *THUD*

Photos: Splash News

  1. CandyO

    That’s it for me.

    Since some ASSHOLE is stealing my name I am out of here.

  2. mimi

    CandyO, come back!

  3. What is the deal with imposters?

    Do these people have nothing better to do with their time?

    Are they that dissatisfied with their own personalities?

  4. anjhest

    How biblical.



    3. mimi – YOU are not MIMI! I HATE this website… so GOOD-BYE!

    This place is full of woman hating asshole jerks!

    I am leaving just as mimi did.

  6. kale

    top ten!!!

  7. WTF is she doing going to the Oscars anyway? She’s not married to a movie producer or director or whatever Ritchie was / is, and she sure as hell can’t act. And ok, she’s just creepy nowadays..

  8. p0nk

    seems like a good match to me, i’d be shocked if a male brazilian model was into women.

  9. angeleyes

    i’m leaving too. just like CandyO and mimi.

  10. I agree with CandyO. This website attracts a lot of mean spirited people

  11. Binky

    Since when did these Kabbalah weirdos find Jesus ?

  12. CandyO

    (I’m not really leaving. I’m just taking time off while mimi sits on my face…)

  13. ALEX

    Does the Oscar deserve our time and attention?

    These are the facts:

  14. 13. CandyO – I sincerely doubt you are a woman.

    I suspect you are an imposter. Could you maybe get a life?

  15. Jennyjenjen

    Trying not to be mean spirited.. but Mimi, you are really tripping me out..

  16. AdnanGhalib

    This brazilian chippendale knows where to go for the big bucks. Ball a granny you say? It’s easy to get up for the job when there so much easy money to be had. If I had hair on my head I’d go for madonna too. Since I don’t I’ll have to continue to do the rich fruit loops like Britney. She luvs my staff of power.

  17. Matthew

    madonna will be interviewed at the red carpet with her fake british accent!

  18. I’m leaving too!!

  19. scotty

    why is Vadge even going to the Oscars? she’s completely irrelevant as far as movies are concerned.

  20. scotty

    why is Vadge even going to the Oscars? she’s completely irrelevant as far as movies are concerned.

  21. Amy

    now he doesn’t look so hot…. maybe he shouldn’t wear clothes.

  22. p0nk

    praying for mimi…

  23. Siligrl

    # 16. Jennyjenjen – Don’t take the brown acid if yoiu don’t want to trip out!

  24. angeleyes

    Hi everyone. I’m gonna stay if that matters.

  25. massa

    # 25 angeleyes

    No one cares. We hate you

  26. p0nk

    I am an idiot…. don’t listen to me!

  27. #21, #8 already covered that.

    Oh, wait, I forgot, I’m outta here.

    Angeleyes, you can take it from here, if you like picking through retards and psychos (not me, the bad kind)..

  28. havoc



  29. angeleyes

    No, I’m committing suicide! I am an idiot 2!

  30. mimi


  31. XanaxFiend

    Madonna is so lame.

    She’s a complete zit to the movie industry and gay people hate her now.

    Jesus can do better. You can tell he’s like Gisele (dating Leo for the fame)

  32. mimi

    I am mimi.

  33. angeleyes

    Let ME be mimi!

  34. havoc

    I’ve gotta meet this mimi.

  35. XanaxFiend

    Shutup #11.

    Honesty is always confused for mean-ness.

    Take a fucking xanax and stop being such a bendover queen

  36. XanaxFiend

    And by the way, I am mimi.

  37. Dear Mister XanaxFiend,

    Thank you for proving my point.

  38. XanaxFiend

    You bet your ass I’m mimi.

  39. TUBBO


  40. havoc

    I’ll bet your ass you’re mimi!

  41. XanaxFiend

    You made a point, mztry?

  42. Fati

    Madonna should be ashamed of herself. He is 30 years younger than her. That’s absolutely disgusting. I don’t even wanna picture that boy banging her.



  44. Spenceer

    I saw his profile on millionaire & celebrity dating club____MillionaireLoving. C O M____last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on that site.

  45. Mimi

    Look bitch, I AM MIMI why don’t you go away you schizoid cunt? Please leave me alone and get your own life why are you feeding off of mine?
    MY GOD you are killing me! Why what have I done what have I done to deserve this oh no fuck.

  46. XanaxFiend

    No, I’m mimi and if you fail to get it I swear I’ll break a baby’s legs and it’ll be your fault.

  47. ConstancePated

    Hey, if this douche bag wants her, I say let him have her. Gets her off the street.

    Just thinking about Madonna makes me have to purge my bowels….brb

  48. Jennyjenjen

    The real Mimi can solve this by answering a simple question. Just like the credit card companies ask for your mother’s maiden name… A question needs to be asked that only Mimi can answer. For example, What is the date of Amy Winehouse’s last release from the hospital? Or, How many hospital bracelets does Amy Winehouse have on her right wrist and what color are they, in alphabetical order? When was the last time Amy Winehouse changed her nasty ballet slippers? If Amy Winehouse was one of Mimi’s cats, what would her name be? :o)

  49. Justin

    You know, I’m happy for Madonna and Jesus. It really seems like a match made in heaven.

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