Probably because A-Rod publicly admitted to juicing himself up and therefore has tiny testicles, sources for OK! Magazine say Madonna’s bringing her Brazilian model boyfriend Jesus Luz to the Oscars on Sunday. Nobody knows about his testicles, so it only makes sense:
“Madonna and Jesus have spent all week planning their outfits for Oscar night,” a pal tells OK! “Madonna is planning on using the Vanity Fair party to introduce Jesus to the world as her new boyfriend, and she wants everything to be perfect!”
So why all the fuss if Jesus is just a fling? It seems Madge is getting serious about her latest conquest.
“She’ll put to rest any rumor that Jesus was ‘just a model’ during that racy W photo shoot,” the source adds. “Madonna and Jesus’ romance is real.”
Because I’m a man of science, I made passionate love to a bag of sand a few minutes ago. Just to try and get into the head of a kid like Jesus Luz. You’re a freaking model, but yet you settle for Grandma Sinew. I guess what my main question is: What do you use for the chafing? And also the bleeding, loss of skin, dizziness, etc.? Time is a factor. *THUD*
Whatthefuckisthat? | February 20, 2009 at 4:01 pm
jesus…
CandyO | February 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm
That’s it for me.
Since some ASSHOLE is stealing my name I am out of here.
mimi | February 20, 2009 at 4:08 pm
CandyO, come back!
mztry | February 20, 2009 at 4:11 pm
What is the deal with imposters?
Do these people have nothing better to do with their time?
Are they that dissatisfied with their own personalities?
anjhest | February 20, 2009 at 4:14 pm
How biblical.
CANDYO | February 20, 2009 at 4:15 pm
CANDYO’S LAST POST EVER!
3. mimi – YOU are not MIMI! I HATE this website… so GOOD-BYE!
This place is full of woman hating asshole jerks!
I am leaving just as mimi did.
kale | February 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm
top ten!!!
FRIST!!! | February 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm
WTF is she doing going to the Oscars anyway? She’s not married to a movie producer or director or whatever Ritchie was / is, and she sure as hell can’t act. And ok, she’s just creepy nowadays..
p0nk | February 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm
seems like a good match to me, i’d be shocked if a male brazilian model was into women.
angeleyes | February 20, 2009 at 4:19 pm
i’m leaving too. just like CandyO and mimi.
mztry | February 20, 2009 at 4:22 pm
I agree with CandyO. This website attracts a lot of mean spirited people
Binky | February 20, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Since when did these Kabbalah weirdos find Jesus ?
CandyO | February 20, 2009 at 4:25 pm
(I’m not really leaving. I’m just taking time off while mimi sits on my face…)
ALEX | February 20, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Does the Oscar deserve our time and attention?
These are the facts:
http://www.film.com/features/story/dark-knight-snub-unforgivable-because/25665649
mztry | February 20, 2009 at 4:29 pm
13. CandyO – I sincerely doubt you are a woman.
I suspect you are an imposter. Could you maybe get a life?
Jennyjenjen | February 20, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Trying not to be mean spirited.. but Mimi, you are really tripping me out..
AdnanGhalib | February 20, 2009 at 4:34 pm
This brazilian chippendale knows where to go for the big bucks. Ball a granny you say? It’s easy to get up for the job when there so much easy money to be had. If I had hair on my head I’d go for madonna too. Since I don’t I’ll have to continue to do the rich fruit loops like Britney. She luvs my staff of power.
Matthew | February 20, 2009 at 4:35 pm
madonna will be interviewed at the red carpet with her fake british accent!
FRIST!!! | February 20, 2009 at 4:43 pm
I’m leaving too!!
scotty | February 20, 2009 at 4:44 pm
why is Vadge even going to the Oscars? she’s completely irrelevant as far as movies are concerned.
scotty | February 20, 2009 at 4:45 pm
why is Vadge even going to the Oscars? she’s completely irrelevant as far as movies are concerned.
Amy | February 20, 2009 at 4:45 pm
now he doesn’t look so hot…. maybe he shouldn’t wear clothes.
p0nk | February 20, 2009 at 4:55 pm
praying for mimi…
Siligrl | February 20, 2009 at 4:58 pm
# 16. Jennyjenjen – Don’t take the brown acid if yoiu don’t want to trip out!
angeleyes | February 20, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Hi everyone. I’m gonna stay if that matters.
massa | February 20, 2009 at 5:08 pm
# 25 angeleyes
No one cares. We hate you
p0nk | February 20, 2009 at 5:09 pm
I am an idiot…. don’t listen to me!
FRIST!!! | February 20, 2009 at 5:10 pm
#21, #8 already covered that.
Oh, wait, I forgot, I’m outta here.
Angeleyes, you can take it from here, if you like picking through retards and psychos (not me, the bad kind)..
havoc | February 20, 2009 at 5:11 pm
LOVE THE SEAL PHOTO!!!
.
angeleyes | February 20, 2009 at 5:12 pm
No, I’m committing suicide! I am an idiot 2!
mimi | February 20, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I WANT TO BE MIMI!
XanaxFiend | February 20, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Madonna is so lame.
She’s a complete zit to the movie industry and gay people hate her now.
Jesus can do better. You can tell he’s like Gisele (dating Leo for the fame)
mimi | February 20, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I am mimi.
angeleyes | February 20, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Let ME be mimi!
havoc | February 20, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I’ve gotta meet this mimi.
XanaxFiend | February 20, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Shutup #11.
Honesty is always confused for mean-ness.
Take a fucking xanax and stop being such a bendover queen
XanaxFiend | February 20, 2009 at 5:22 pm
And by the way, I am mimi.
mztry | February 20, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Dear Mister XanaxFiend,
Thank you for proving my point.
XanaxFiend | February 20, 2009 at 5:31 pm
You bet your ass I’m mimi.
TUBBO | February 20, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Chuy…………….
havoc | February 20, 2009 at 5:36 pm
I’ll bet your ass you’re mimi!
XanaxFiend | February 20, 2009 at 5:36 pm
You made a point, mztry?
Fati | February 20, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Madonna should be ashamed of herself. He is 30 years younger than her. That’s absolutely disgusting. I don’t even wanna picture that boy banging her.
OMG I'M LEAVING! | February 20, 2009 at 6:30 pm
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Spenceer | February 20, 2009 at 6:35 pm
I saw his profile on millionaire & celebrity dating club____MillionaireLoving. C O M____last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on that site.
Mimi | February 20, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Look bitch, I AM MIMI why don’t you go away you schizoid cunt? Please leave me alone and get your own life why are you feeding off of mine?
MY GOD you are killing me! Why what have I done what have I done to deserve this oh no fuck.
XanaxFiend | February 20, 2009 at 7:07 pm
No, I’m mimi and if you fail to get it I swear I’ll break a baby’s legs and it’ll be your fault.
ConstancePated | February 20, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Hey, if this douche bag wants her, I say let him have her. Gets her off the street.
Just thinking about Madonna makes me have to purge my bowels….brb
Jennyjenjen | February 20, 2009 at 7:41 pm
The real Mimi can solve this by answering a simple question. Just like the credit card companies ask for your mother’s maiden name… A question needs to be asked that only Mimi can answer. For example, What is the date of Amy Winehouse’s last release from the hospital? Or, How many hospital bracelets does Amy Winehouse have on her right wrist and what color are they, in alphabetical order? When was the last time Amy Winehouse changed her nasty ballet slippers? If Amy Winehouse was one of Mimi’s cats, what would her name be? :o)
Justin | February 20, 2009 at 8:36 pm
You know, I’m happy for Madonna and Jesus. It really seems like a match made in heaven.