Madonna bringing Jesus to the Oscars

Probably because A-Rod publicly admitted to juicing himself up and therefore has tiny testicles, sources for OK! Magazine say Madonna’s bringing her Brazilian model boyfriend Jesus Luz to the Oscars on Sunday. Nobody knows about his testicles, so it only makes sense:

“Madonna and Jesus have spent all week planning their outfits for Oscar night,” a pal tells OK! “Madonna is planning on using the Vanity Fair party to introduce Jesus to the world as her new boyfriend, and she wants everything to be perfect!”
So why all the fuss if Jesus is just a fling? It seems Madge is getting serious about her latest conquest.
“She’ll put to rest any rumor that Jesus was ‘just a model’ during that racy W photo shoot,” the source adds. “Madonna and Jesus’ romance is real.”

Because I’m a man of science, I made passionate love to a bag of sand a few minutes ago. Just to try and get into the head of a kid like Jesus Luz. You’re a freaking model, but yet you settle for Grandma Sinew. I guess what my main question is: What do you use for the chafing? And also the bleeding, loss of skin, dizziness, etc.? Time is a factor. *THUD*

Photos: Splash News