Madonna breaks bones
According to her publicist, Madonna suffered several broken bones in a horse riding accident today that occurred at her country home outside London during her 47th birthday celebration. She was treated and released from a hospital after sustaining three cracked ribs, a broken collarbone and a broken hand, though none of this makes any sense, because Madonna is protected by the red string of power and should be able to walk on lava and maybe even take a bullet. Unless Kabbalah is a bunch of crap and doesn’t actually bless or protect you, in which case I am shocked. Shocked and amazed.
Note: It’s possible I have the red string of power confused with the Green Lantern’s power ring, so if you happen to believe in Kabbalah and wear the red string, maybe you shouldn’t try to walk on lava or take a bullet. Or maybe you should. Ya know, for the sake of science.