Madonna: ‘You Tithe To Me Now’

February 2nd, 2012 // 38 Comments
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While I personally believe it’s the ability to assume the body of a griffin and rain fire upon her enemies, it’s often been said that Madonna‘s greatest strength is her ego. And after reading her latest interview with Newsweek, I’m inclined to agree with whatever wise prophets made such a proclamation from their enchanted fortress that’s impervious to her incantations:

Touring has become the bulk of Madonna’s business (the last tour grossed $408 million, the most ever for a solo artist) since the music industry went belly up and consumers stopped buying records.
She’s not ready to talk about specific plans for this go-round, but it’s safe to assume that her ticket prices will continue to be astronomically expensive, Great Recession be damned. “So start saving your pennies now,” she says, sounding annoyed that any-one would suggest these prices are prohibitive. “People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.”

But just in case you think the Dark Queen has turned a blind eye to the poor, she found herself pleased by the protests of Occupy Wall Street. Mostly just the part where somebody covered one of her songs, but pleased nonetheless. You may kiss her mystical rings now:

Of course, Madonna is aware that people are having a rough time. A few years ago she got filleted for saying the Big Apple had been more fun back in the day, before it was all taken over by hedge-fund types. “It kinda was,” she says, unapologetic as ever. Consequently, she was “excited” by the Occupy Wall Street movement, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that Sean Lennon and Rufus Wainwright did a rendition of “Material Girl” at one of the early rallies. “I thought that was cool,” she says, bringing the discussion back to her favorite subject: herself.

Now, back to the ticket prices thing. I like how Madonna compared herself to a handbag considering they both are leath- THIS IS MR. COCOAPANTS, BAT-MONKEY GENERAL OF MADONNA’S UNHOLY CREATURE BATTALION OF THE SKIES. THE WRITER OF THIS FORUM HAS FOUND HIMSELF THE TARGET OF HER WORSHIP’S WRATH. FOR AS WE SPEAK, HIS HEAD RESTS UPON A PIKE FORGED FROM THE BONES OF ANYONE WHO DIDN’T LIKE SWEPT AWAY – MAY IT’S CINEMATIC EXCELLENCE BE PRAISED – AS A WARNING TO THOSE WHO DARE DEFY OUR ROYAL SORCERESS OR SPEAK ILL OF THE DARK ARTS SHE’S WIELDED SINCE BEFORE MAN FIRST CRAWLED FROM THE OOZE AND DEMANDED HER MUSIC FILL HIS EARS.

OUR NUMBERS ARE LEGION. HAIL, MADONNA!

(SHE MADE ME EMBED THAT, BUT SERIOUSLY, IT’S REALLY QUITE CATCHY.)

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. She’s greedy & people are fools for keeping this cunt rich.

  2. forrest gump

    …………it’s much cheaper to read “The Superficial” and be filled with laughter about her downfall.
    ps: READ THE JOHN DELOREAN STORY, folks!!

  3. vekfan

    She really said that?! Unbelievable arrogance, unfortunately morons will keep paying her.

  4. I can’t wait until this no-talent skank bites it.

  5. mickey B

    moustache wax – the shit ain’t free and she needs more and more with every passing year.

  6. Jack Ketch

    Holy face-fillers and cheek implants, Batman ! But I have to say she looks better than Demi Moore (who looks like she’s melting). @ Mickey B … her “talent” was only very mediocre at best, nothing special, never was. Neither were her looks. Gah …

  7. FussyHussy

    Add to it that she is notorious for not coming on stage for 2-3 hours after the opening act…

  8. She pays a lot in nanny money for her kids and current boyfriend.

  9. cc

    She’s always struck me as being a very unpleasant person.

  10. Madonna W.E.
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She must have found a fresh new supply of “elixer of youth” because she looks pretty good here.

  11. Any Guy

    anyone who’d pay $1 to see this old hag should be shot in the face repeatedly.

  12. Tiffany

    I don’t know why people act like she is something to be worshipped. She made fun pop songs back in the day, but that isn’t really a big deal. She certainly isn’t worth saving all year for! Her ego is soooooo repulsive.

  13. This hubris is due to her hatred of hydrangeas. It all stems from that, not her ego or anything…

  14. Madonna W.E.
    Commented on this photo:

    Madonna has been touring? Where? The land where it’s still 1990?

  15. occam's boner

    +1 to each of the previous comments!

    Brilliant post, Fish. This is your wheelhouse. You are hilarious when not grinding your hackneyed left-wing ax.

    Cheers

  16. bondbabe

    I’d much rather pay $300 for a handbag than $300 for the bag that is Madonna!

  17. Felonious Monkey

    I was dragged to a Madonna concert as a child,(don’t ask) so I’ve seen this bitch in concert. I write ‘seen’ ’cause with all the lip syncing I sure as hell didn’t hear her mediocre voice.
    Why would anyone cough up Benjamins to watch what’s a cross between Cruella Deville and Maleficent lip syncing while doing yoga?

  18. Der

    I’ve seen her in concert—-she is worth every penny.

  19. Mando

    Can’t wait to see the spectacle during the superbowl half-time show.

  20. Crabby Old Guy

    Newsweek and Madonna: 2 things that used to be sort of interesting and now need to be be tossed in the slagheap.

  21. The Lighting

    I was about to question how Madonna can possibly remember New York before the Wall Street types too over (seeing as it’s been that way for over 100 years). But then I remembered that she is an immortal force of evil who has existed since the dawn of time and will only be destroyed by the heath-death of the universe itself.

    • Felonious Monkey

      Wall Streeters and other nouveau riche bourgeois (not the old money types) didn’t begin to move to Manhattan until the late 80s/early 90s.

    • She said “hedge-fund types,” not “Wall Street types.” The rise of the hedge funds came in the 1990s, whereas the “back in the day” Madonna was referring to was her pre- and early-fame days in the 1980s.

  22. p124

    i’ve spent 300 and less than 100 to her shows. they ARE worth it.

  23. Choose a person, stay with your whole life.stdster.,.c0m

  24. GORGON

    anyone dumb enough to spend that kind of $$$ on madonna deserves to be charged twice as much!

  25. SuperF:…you are so right!

    …”her greatest strength is her ego…”

  26. BeBop

    Madonna is sexy, always was. She is the goddess of pop culture. And sinfully lascivious. She is a goddess and queen, and deserves to be treated as such. look at the famous people she’s fucked! They can’t’ resist her.

  27. Valentina

    Well done, Kathleen. And you’re so right, my ears perk up at the sound of a mtdwloen; I don’t assume it’s a misbehaving child throwing a fit. And even it is, the parent and the child deserve compassion.

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