Madonna Wants To Adopt Two More Kids After Women’s March Blow-Up

While performing at the Women’s March on Saturday, Madonna thought it’d be super cool to talk about “blowing up the White House” during what turned out to be a crazy peaceful and effective protest. In fairness, she is a millennia-old creature who’s still learning to adapt to our modern, less violent ways. (Virgin sacrifice to open a can? Oh, Madonna.) Anyway, the Secret Service has opened an investigation, according to reports, so now’s probably a good time to play the, “You wouldn’t arrest a mother with two (new) Malawi children, would you?” card. Via PEOPLE:

The pop icon has applied to adopt two more children from Malawi, the Associated Press reports.
Malawi government spokesman Mlenga Mvula told the outlet that Madonna appeared before a High Court judge on Wednesday and that the singer must wait a week before the court will decide whether to grant the adoption order based on her filing.

Granted, the last time Madonna adopted children from Malawi, there was a string of controversy over schools she forgot to build and whether or not one of the kids was even really up for adoption and wasn’t just snatched with Madonna’s talons during one of her many flights at night. So this is definitely the best move to distract from the secret war she’s about to wage with the White House.

“Mr. President, Madonna struck again.”
“Wrong! I like agents who don’t get thrown into a giant cauldron.”
“What should we do now?”
“Build a wall!”
“She melted the last one with a green mist.”
“Joke’s on her. I made her pay for it with her own money.”
“No, you didn’t.”

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Tags: Madonna