Madonna Thinks She’s A Stand-Up Comedian Now, Wonderful

“I just flew in from Mount Doom, and boy, are my arms tired.”
“How tired are they?”
“DEATH TO YOUR INSOLENCE!”

Madonna has several skills: necromancing, talon flight, immortality, child-stealing, spewing absolutely fucking nonsense about Jay-Z’s new digital music service, and summoning a +1/+1 Blood Imp for each swamp in play. What she doesn’t have is a talent for stand-up because here she is on The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon last night, and I had to stop watching because I can barely read my own shitass jokes let alone witness a millennia-old corpse queen bomb on national television. In related news, the seas run red with blood now and every child born henceforth shall be stricken blind, deaf, and mute. But on the bright side, you can catch Madonna at Harrah’s in Vegas next week. (Tickets cost one soul.)

Photo: YouTube