Madonna Broke Up With That Kid

December 12th, 2013 // 15 Comments
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THE DARK QUEEN TAKES AND LEAVES LOVERS AS SHE SEES FIT. That’s all the information you need, insolent whelp. The Weekly of Us reports:

This pop legend is on the market again! Madonna has split from her boyfriend Brahim Zaibat after three years of dating, the singer’s rep confirms to Us Weekly.
“It ran its course,” a source tells Us. “They were dancing and working together all the time and then they barely saw each other.”

If you read this next part as Madonna‘s banging Sean Penn again, you’re doing it all wrong:

News of the split comes just weeks after the “Material Girl” singer was photographed reuniting with her ex-husband Sean Penn in Haiti to help with the J/P Haitian Relief Organization following the area’s 2010 earthquake. The exes were also joined by Madonna’s son Rocco, 13 (her son with her second husband, Guy Ritchie).

I’ll put this in the simplest terms possible, so that even the lowliest among us will know to flee with his family should the sound of leather wings and sharpened talons pierce the night air:

What is the source of Madonna’s power? The blood of poor brown children.
What does Haiti have a lot of? Poor brown children.

Let the Council of Meldok record what has happened here this day.

Photos: INFdaily

superficial

  1. I hope for his sake his contract wasn’t loaded with incentives and maybe even included a signing bonus.

  2. The blood of poor brown people is the solution to every problem.

  3. Swearin

    So, He got caught banging Lourdes, huh?

  4. the grill = last straw.

  5. Madonna Wearing A Grill Brahim Zaibat The Menton Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    You know what’s not attractive on a 55 year old woman?

    Madonna’s face.

  6. Madonna Wearing A Grill Brahim Zaibat The Menton Music Festival
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    “I don’t want to see you romantically anymore, but if it’s OK with you, I’m hoping we can still go through with the adoption.”

  7. Cock Dr

    I always thought that her powers came from the consuming the semen of young brown men.
    Splashing around in semen is more fun than splashing around in blood….um….so I’ve heard.

  8. Madonna Wearing A Grill Brahim Zaibat The Menton Music Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    There are days granny loves a Cleveland steamer in her mouth.

  9. Madonna Wearing A Grill Brahim Zaibat The Menton Music Festival
    Max
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeez Madonna, at least act HALF your age.

  10. Madonna Wearing A Grill Brahim Zaibat The Menton Music Festival
    Hey Fella, Are You George Zimmerman?
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how long his PTSD is going to last.

  11. EDWARD ELIZABETH HITLER

    I really cannot wait for Lourdes’ tell-all book “Mommy Dearest 2: Electric Boogaloo.” You can bet her upbringing was a nightmare of Snow White proportions, especially when the Dark Queen noticed her daugher was younger and prettier than she was.

    Somehow I can see young Lourdes dodging knives thrown from the shadows and having to test her food regularly for poisons. And dodging “random” acid attacks, of course.

  12. Madonna Wearing A Grill Brahim Zaibat The Menton Music Festival
    qballextraction
    Commented on this photo:

    You know, gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.

  13. Dorian

    She doesn’t need to keep them around after she’s consumed their life force.

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