Madonna Has An ‘Anti-Aging Machine’

July 26th, 2012 // 58 Comments
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What you’re looking at is Madonna‘s Intraceuticals machine, an anti-aging device she reportedly has with her at all times in case she ages 10 years on the way to Starbucks. Except what’s really bizarre is that she actually allowed it to be photographed in public, alerting everyone that her sorcery can no longer compete with human technology. Unless, of course, that’s what she wants us to think and I just wasted all afternoon building an electric trident to lunge through her heart. Damn your black trickery!

Photos: INFdaily

superficial

  1. Boy Blunder

    Ask for a refund, that machine isn’t working.

  2. Reality

    Its obviously not working. Has she not looked in the mirror?

  3. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Commented on this photo:

    That black guy is thinking, “Wow!, rich white people are fucking stupid!”

  4. Lemmiwinks

    If anyone is interested it appears to be an oxygen concentrator, an in-home device used by people requiring supplemental oxygen to eliminate the necessity of constantly changing tanks. If it’s really for her use that is a little odd.

    • hijkmno

      it’s a machine for giving oxygen facials.

      • Lemmiwinks

        Apparently that’s the story anyway. I wouldn’t be surprised if she keeps one near the stage and takes a hit occasionally. Especially if she ever plays a high altitude venue.

    • Lemmiwinks

      Might be used by someone suffering mild sleep apnea. Not as effective as a CPAP because it doesn’t keep the airways open but the cannula would be more comfortable.

    • All this machine does is concentrate oxygen out of regular old air. It’s not a hyperbaric chamber, or magic panacea for anything other than extra oxygen for things like bad hearts and emphysema.

      • Sven Golly

        Aren’t Madonna’s internal organs stored in separate containers in her burial chamber? Seems like that’s where the concentrator would need to be to benefit her heart and lungs.

      • Nonny Moose

        I really did laugh out loud. Then I couldn’t stop giggling.

  5. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    wow, so vain. what ever happened to agin with grace? she still looks like a 55 year old woman, so this magical machine is a waste of time

  6. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    shonzie
    Commented on this photo:

    That sir, is your basic oxygen machine. Although, maybe hers is the deluxe model, filled with baby’s souls for that much needed extra kick!

  7. She looks horrible and dresses like a clown. What’s with the pants always being 5 inches too long? Hopefully one of these days the hem gets caught in an escalator or elevator door.

  8. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Commented on this photo:

    I see she didn’t opt for the longer tube so she doesn’t have to be in the same room with the infant she is draining.

  9. JC

    Isn’t that just a carpet cleaner?

  10. Sand

    Imagine how she would look without it. Or better, don’t.
    Anyway, here she is with a real anti-aging machine, or at least a fake replica: http://www.thesuperficial.com/photos/madonna-performs-during-her-mdna-tour-in-london/madonna-performs-during-her-mdna-tour-in-london-18

  11. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Mickey01232000
    Commented on this photo:

    She should get her money back because it isn’t working. She looks like she is about 65 years old!

  12. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    AndySlash
    Commented on this photo:

    supposedly “hydrates, lifts, tightens, and improves the appearance of the skin”??? what we are looking at is an oxygen concentrator. all it does is take room air and separate oxygen from the other gases and deliver it to the user (usually people with lung disease or those at end-of-life).

  13. BlackAndWhiteMinstrel

    I dream of a day when every home can afford something like that taking carbon dioxide out of the air and pumping out oxygen. And, since it’s a dream… what if it had leaves and flowers too? And, and… ah, forget it.

  14. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    RobN
    Commented on this photo:

    This story was a lot more fun when the machine was something magical and not just the same one my 84 year old mom has.

  15. Crissy

    Bitch should get her money get!

  16. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    If machines could scream . . .

  17. Turd Ferguson

    Isn’t that just for show?
    I thought if she just stayed out of direct sunlight she was safe.

  18. glass

    I just think of her as Charlize Theron in the new Snow White movie. Taking baths in milk and blood and doing all kinds of weird supernatural shit to stay young

  19. The Royal Penis

    So…..without the machine she looks like the Crypt Keeper?

  20. Inner Retard

    The President has his nuclear football as a deterrent. Madonna has hers. In case the devil comes to collect on their agreement.

  21. Is she putting her mouth on the right end of it?

  22. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    And here I thought it was only her performances that sucked all the air out of the room.

  23. Cypherpunk

    “If we can’t control the Tesseract’s energy, there may not be a minimum safe distance”- indeed!

  24. Johnny P!

    Hah! That’s nothing!
    Michael Jackson had an oxygen-tented bed, Bubbles the monkey AND Jesus-juice!
    And look how good he looks nowada—
    Oh wait, never mind…

  25. I'm A Jerk

    Who I really feel bad for is Lourdes. You just know The Sorceress is going to fake her own death(or serious illness) in 5 years and do some Skeleton Key body switch shit on her. Poor kid doesn’t know she’s just the next host body of the 8 thousand year old Mummy Queen.

  26. El Jefe

    Lazy bitch, just use your fangs to suck out the blood.

  27. Billy Ray

    It’s African American Trickery.

  28. tlmck

    She must have bought it from a descendent of PT Barnum.

  29. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    ali
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes have a new singer.

  30. FanGirl

    Why doesn’t she just kill herself, then she’ll be young forever. Too late for that now lol

  31. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t get it… where do you pour in the virgin’s blood?

  32. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    glass
    Commented on this photo:

    So why the sparring gloves?

  33. really, no really???

    Is she fucking serious???

  34. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t imagine this was the celebrity endorsement they were looking for.

  35. Sue Rosenorn

    Yes its an oxygen machine all right.

  36. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    YuckPoo
    Commented on this photo:

    ITS NOT WORKING!!!!!

  37. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    Salad Face
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s more like Michael Jackson everyday in appearance and dating habits. I mean, if these guys get any younger…

  38. GrandMa'dge

    Showing that machine and ‘building’ a buzz around it, allows her to get far more invasive procedures, thinking people will believe it’s just the result of that odd machine….at least that’s what I do…I always pretend I went to a SPA…people may believe it….till the moment I refuse to tell them the name of the resort…

  39. Hell Rell

    She still looks like a leather bag. She needs to have a grilled cheese sandwich and chill the fuck out.

  40. Madonna Intraceuticals Anti Aging Skin Care Machine
    sciencegirl
    Commented on this photo:

    This is an oxygen concentrator. Anyone dealing with chronic illness or lung disease will recognize it. Why she needs supplemental oxygen is anyone’s guess. When you get up past 250 years old I guess breathing just gets harder.

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