Here’s a story for all the ladies out there. In his new book Junior, Macaulay Culkin reveals his pet name for his penis – he calls it Floyd. The actor is currently promoting the collection of stories and observations, and explains, “I had to do a reading and I did a Q+A afterwards, and somebody asked me where I came up with the name Floyd. I didn’t come up with it, if I was going to come up with something, it would have been Kroll the Conqueror… or something like Enrique, something Latino…it was kind of bestowed upon me I guess you could say.”
What better way to spend St. Patrick’s day than thinking about Macaulay Culkin’s penis? You’re doing it right now, aren’t you, you sicko. Hey, I don’t care if Macaulay’s penis plays Mah Jongg while wearing a three-piece suit and a monocle, I don’t need to hear about it. Much less write about it. I mean, how pathetic would that be.
TowelHead | March 17, 2006 at 10:01 am
Macaulay and Chico would be perfect for each other. Macaulay only has to do that Home Alone face…instant romance!
Lala | March 17, 2006 at 10:02 am
His nose is running a close second – what’s its name?
TowelHead | March 17, 2006 at 10:03 am
I’m new to this site. Should I have said ‘First post!’? People do it with such enthusiasm that you’d think they have a simultaneous orgasm. Haven’t had one of those in ages so: FIRST POST!
hmm…nothing. Oh well, back to my sex toys.
CheekyChops | March 17, 2006 at 10:06 am
I wonder if Michael Jackson named it for him. Hmmm.
Jacq | March 17, 2006 at 10:08 am
His penis should meet Pete Wenz’s penis. They’re virtual celebrities.
Tantrum | March 17, 2006 at 10:11 am
“CheekyChops: I wonder if Michael Jackson named it for him. Hmmm.”
I was JUST thinking that! HAHAHA!
TowelHead | March 17, 2006 at 10:12 am
You know how he’s really white? His penis is probably pink.
PINK FLOYD.
Now I have to go throw out my favourite CD collection.
Binky | March 17, 2006 at 10:15 am
Well ‘Floyd’ is better than calling it ‘Home Alone’ I guess.
Mo | March 17, 2006 at 10:35 am
#4…you read my mind. Sad that at his young age he’s known primarily as a penis puppet for a freak. I’d rather be “Home Alone”…
mamacita | March 17, 2006 at 10:44 am
Gross. I don’t even want to consider that Macaulay has a penis, much less know what it’s name is. Why do people feel that it’s acceptable to foist this kind of information on people? Damn freedom of speech.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | March 17, 2006 at 10:55 am
This is sooooo (i think I need to add more o’s) soooooooooooooo disturbing. When I look at his pasty white, sun’s-never-shone-on-me-face, and gawk in horror at his disturbingly pink puff-cloud lips, and THEN think about what his penis must lung like, I can only shriek in horror. What comes to mind is one of those dead-looking lungfish-a pasty white one with a very rosy face. EEEKK!
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 17, 2006 at 11:01 am
I call my penis “Britney” because it is fat, lazy, and hasn’t had a paying job since 03′.
lysistrata11 | March 17, 2006 at 11:17 am
Dammit! This just shattered my happy world where Macauley Culkin has no penis, unicorns live in the woods behind my house, and Neverland is a place where little boys run away to dress up in little green dresses and grown-ups try to assault them. Wait a second. Michael Jackson is Hook.
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 17, 2006 at 11:19 am
Something Latino…Hmm, like Tito?
Sister Morphine | March 17, 2006 at 11:20 am
I love how he thinks we all give a shit. Awww, that’s so cute.
flamarkel | March 17, 2006 at 11:22 am
Update: Macaulay Culkin’s penis issued a statement through its spokesman disavowing any connection with Culkin or his alleged pet names. The spokesman characterized the no-nonsense penis as “pissed off.”
Derek Hail | March 17, 2006 at 11:44 am
Thank god, I now know his penis’s name. I have been wondering for years.
Triumph Insult Dog | March 17, 2006 at 11:57 am
Hey, I have a name for my thing too, but I don’t go around telling people about it. Maybe if he wasn’t “Home Alone” licking his “Pink Floyd”, he would get more work!
Wha?! I keed, I keed!!
TaiTai | March 17, 2006 at 12:02 pm
#12 Most Excellent.
CheekyChops | March 17, 2006 at 12:16 pm
That boy looks albino. He creeped me out in that movie with Seth Green where they danced around in weird outfits and did gayish type things. IMO, he’s like that in real life. That’s my story.
tits_on_snack | March 17, 2006 at 12:17 pm
I NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW THIS
maiira | March 17, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Wait, Macaulay Culkin has a penis?
sometimesboy | March 17, 2006 at 12:39 pm
Of course Michael Jackson didn’t name Mcaulay’s penis….tho he did try to beat it…
Erienne | March 17, 2006 at 12:46 pm
#16 flamarkel:
HAHA!! That’s awesome.
Jayne | March 17, 2006 at 1:16 pm
I don’t see what the big deal is.
Sure it’s Culkin but when you’ve grown up with brothers who’ve told you what they’ve named *their* penises…
I guess I can’t get anymore disgusted.
Spindoc | March 17, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Is it just me or has this guy looked like he’s needed a multi-vitamin or iron pill since he was 12?
MortyFishbein | March 17, 2006 at 2:13 pm
I still am trying to get over the Chico video I just saw.
MacCauley who?
toby | March 17, 2006 at 3:41 pm
lordy, lordy – that is one hell of a post. a monocle?!?! lol.
DrDanny | March 17, 2006 at 6:05 pm
#12 – Fatty Boom-Batty — thank you for the best laugh I’ve had all week!
PS: mine’s named Otis. I forget why.
paige | March 17, 2006 at 9:18 pm
#10 – foist? you been using the thesaurus to make your posts sound more intelligent?
and why must we be subject to your posts about you looking in the mirror at your no longer perky body parts and how you can’t control your sexual urges during the day? (see post on kate moss and others)
do you just spend all day on here rambling about yourself and making retarded posts?
Pez_D_Spencer | March 17, 2006 at 10:54 pm
14 – Wasn’t Tito Yugoslavian? ;)
Dee | March 18, 2006 at 12:19 am
OMG why did i read that? =(
ohnoudint | March 18, 2006 at 7:47 pm
dammit #7 I guess I will have to throw out my copy too…
gogoboots | March 19, 2006 at 1:37 pm
I don’t want to know this, I don’t want to know this…Party Monster was bad enough…WHY?!!?
UCSD | March 19, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Can a penis wear more than a monocle?
URalllosers | March 20, 2006 at 12:50 am
I call mine spike because it is pointy.. OH and made out of metal.
AnnoyingPseud | March 20, 2006 at 1:30 am
#11 Feed Me Chocolate made me wet my pants laughing so hard. I even woke up my chubby snoring Rottweiler with the guffaws.
BTW, I hate Macaulay Culkin. Such a little retard weirdo kiddy diddler’s stooge. You just know he’s utterly fucked up and likely cross-dresses, sings off key German polka tunes to himself in his massive bathroom while giving himself a nice coffee enema. Or something.
JacksonWallace | March 20, 2006 at 5:03 am
ok, I signed up just to write about this foolio. First of all, M caulkin’s face gets sun, so his penis must be so pale that its practically clear, like some deepsea species. This is not an appetizing thought unless you squealed in delight like a little girl over Home Alone. I saw this Conan episode and let me tell you, it was more than a little strange. It seems, Caulkin imagines that I would rather buy his biography even though I dont care to see his films, along with most of the public. So is he Ernest Heminway now? I guess the way to convince me of his writing career would be not to focus on naming his absolutely uninteresting midget penis.
However, the REALLY interesting part that noone is mentioning is that the line about Krull the Conqueror came straight out of ‘how to lose a guy in 20 days’ the flick with Kate Hudson and Matt McCoughnahey. In it, she tries to piss him off by saying she’s named his penis some female name. He says no way, but that it would be ok to name his ‘Krull the Conqueror’. PATHETIC. Not only is Caulkin’s last interesting role back when he was a child, and not only is he a stupid celebrity dilletanting at a writing career and publicly talking about his cigarette penis, he is also a PLAGIARIST and probably stupid enough to have forgotten where the punch line for this stupid ‘ditty’ came from. Please ship him to the island where Paris Hilton is going, the island of stupid overpaid worthless broken toys.
HughJorganthethird | March 20, 2006 at 7:02 am
What a coincidence. Years ago I named my penis Macaulay, cause they’re both the same size and all.
patEcake | March 20, 2006 at 11:11 am
Pink Floyd…
LOOKWHATICANDO | March 20, 2006 at 4:51 pm
# 7
That’s a good one, Haaa