Holy Shit, Macaulay Culkin’s Pizza Band Is Real?

December 16th, 2013 // 15 Comments
Uhhhhh...
Macaulay Culkin Mila Kunis Look A Like Girlfriend
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There are so many things I want to say here, but I’m pretty sure if I was molested by Michael Jackson – “allegedly” – then dumped by Mila Kunis the second she stopped being blind, I’d have jumped off a building and shot myself in the face on the way down instead of just going to a bunch of sex clubs, becoming a drug addict, cleaning myself up with gay French pastries then looking like Jax Teller while playing kazoo for a pizza-themed band that’s an in-joke about the movie that rocketed me right onto Michael’s penis in the first place. Jesus didn’t even react this well, and he went through half the amount of bullshit. “So, yeah, guess I got killed there for a sec, but don’t worry, it’s cool. I’m totally cool. Shit happens, right? No one’s going to ‘freak out’ or anything. In fact, I’m just gonna go to my dad’s place, chill for a bit, and then I’ll be back to kill everyone in a lake of fire. Not a big deal.”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    Commented on this photo:

    Pizza boxes and kazoos.

    I wonder how often cat shit of this magnitude is the result of autofellating to the point you think you are making art and how much is just a joke to see how far you can stretch it.

  2. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Is this a danger that I see before me? No, bitch! It’s a slice of stuffed crust with pepperoni and sausage AND I WILL ROCK YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF!”

  3. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “This next song is called ’30 Minutes Or It’s Fr-’ Am I really doing this? I was in ‘The Pagemaster’ for christsakes.”

  4. racially ambiguous Santa

    He’s probably one of the most talented performers of his generation though

  5. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Is a mouse being knighted?

  6. Hey Are You George Zimmerman?

    Why do farts only smell good when they’re your own?

  7. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “ARRGHHHHHH!”

  8. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    Commented on this photo:

    He should make another Home Alone film. This time Kevin is left behind in a mental institution (admitted after years of neglect by his parents and the violence he inflicted on the bandits caught up with him) when it moves to a new location. A bunch of crackhead teenagers get in after dark in order to see if any meds were left behind. Kevin goes back to his sadistic old ways.
    It’s not so much a sequel as a gritty re-imagining.

  9. Yellow mozzarella,
    crusted on a ‘za box side…
    Smokin’ Ukie ex-wife,
    pornographic prince o’ pop
    made him be a naughty boy
    and let his knickers down.
    He is the pizza! They are the pizza!
    He is the hipster, coo-coo kazoo!

  10. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    These photos are fucking ridiculous, but goddamnit, I want some pizza now.

  11. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m confused…when did this chick stop wearing the electrical tape across her nipples?

  12. Chuck E Cheese has a new mascot….

  13. Smaug

    What a pizza shit.

  14. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s Hipster Jim Morrison. Like, play “The Crystal Ship”, dude.

  15. Macaulay Culkin New Band The Pizza Underground
    Commented on this photo:

    Bullshit!

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