Holy Shit, Macaulay Culkin’s Pizza Band Is Real?

There are so many things I want to say here, but I’m pretty sure if I was molested by Michael Jackson – “allegedly” – then dumped by Mila Kunis the second she stopped being blind, I’d have jumped off a building and shot myself in the face on the way down instead of just going to a bunch of sex clubs, becoming a drug addict, cleaning myself up with gay French pastries then looking like Jax Teller while playing kazoo for a pizza-themed band that’s an in-joke about the movie that rocketed me right onto Michael’s penis in the first place. Jesus didn’t even react this well, and he went through half the amount of bullshit. “So, yeah, guess I got killed there for a sec, but don’t worry, it’s cool. I’m totally cool. Shit happens, right? No one’s going to ‘freak out’ or anything. In fact, I’m just gonna go to my dad’s place, chill for a bit, and then I’ll be back to kill everyone in a lake of fire. Not a big deal.”

Photos: Splash News