Lorenzo Lamas not getting married. Also not a llama.

Lorenzo Lamas was supposed to get married a fifth time to Playboy Playmate Barbara Moore on Saturday, but the wedding was suddenly called off that morning. A source told Page Six, “Lorenzo surprised Barbara at her bachelorette party Friday night and caught her in a compromising position with a male stripper.”

“Barbara and I would first like to thank our family and friends who have expressed concern at this time,” said Lorenzo via his agent. “It is comforting to have their love and support. The two of us have chosen to take different paths, but will continue to support each other in the spirit of the goodness and light that brought us together.”

I guess it’s true what they say about actors you haven’t thought about in 15 years: their fiances like to cheat on them with male strippers. Okay, I’m not sure if that’s actually something people say, but maybe they should. Because, uh, I said so, and whatever I say should be what people say. And just for future reference, I also say, “Whales are too damn big.” So you should probably go around saying that. Try to work it into every other sentence if you can. Especially around your boss, so they think you’re some sort of crazy person who’s deeply upset about the size of whales.