Lindsay’s Career is Officially Over (UPDATE: And She Just Sued Pitbull)

August 19th, 2011 // 132 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Normally when I read a story about Lindsay Lohan almost landing a role that also contains the phrase “sources tell us”, I automatically assume that is a reference to Dina Lohan slurring into an empty gin bottle like its a reporter’s mic. But in the case of the highly anticipated male-stripper coming of age epic Magic Mike, it turns out Hollywood’s least favorite drunken titbox of a slore *unzips gimp mask, breathes sigh of relief* almost had a job. E! Online reports:

We’re talking about Magic Mike, and sources tell us LiLo was this close to landing the part. Instead…It went to model-turned-newbie actress Riley Keough (Elvis’s granddaughter and Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter, FYI).

When asked why Lindsay was passed over for the role, director Steven Soderbergh had this to say:

He didn’t want to deal with all that,” our source spills. “Nobody wanted to go there.

By “go there” he of course meant having to repeatedly send a PA over to wardrobe to replace Channing Tatum‘s g-string because its covered in Starbucks-flavored puke again. The article also says that the role would have been perfect for Lindsay because the character is “trouble with a capital T.” And even though that description hasn’t been used since newsreels in the ’40s, its plain to see that even a director doing a film about a freckle-titted sea jasper merchant wouldn’t cast her at this point.

UPDATE: And of course Lindsay just filed a lawsuit claiming some lyrics in a rap song are sullying her “good repute and standing in the Screen Actors Guild,” despite the fact that no director in Hollywood will even let her near a boom mic. (Because she fellates it.)

Photo: Fame, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Johnny Cage

    Mmmm, she looks damn hot with the whole hair hanging over one side like Veronica Lake.

  2. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Time to get a new weave

  3. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude, unless there’s at least one full exposed breast we really don’t give a crap.

  4. forrest gump

    she spoiled herself to the bone.

  5. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    She looked good 6 to 8 years ago. Now she looks like she’s in her mid-to-late 40s. She seems to be aging, in looks, at a rate of about 5 years per month.

  6. Brooke

    I finally got around to watching Machete last night, where Lindsay was a drugged out girl with daddy issues who has a threesome with her mom… YOU WOULD THINK THIS WOULD BE PERFECT CASTING. But somehow she really just wasn’t very good. She was better than Steven Segall but that really isn’t saying a whole lot. I don’t get why people always so “It’s really a shame she couldn’t get her act together, because she’s a brilliant actress”, but she’s really not. Being a good CHILD actor versus being a good ADULT actor are different things, and she was a good child actor but she’s not a great actor now that she’s an adult still delivering lines like she’s in a Disney movie. I think people who say she’s wasting her talent haven’t seen her in anything since she had red hair and only one DUI.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Totally agree.

      And please tell me she did a threeway WITH Steven Segall?! Bleeeurgh! Oh god so nauseated.

  7. Crusty Drawers

    Her hair looks horrendous. She needs to go back to her real hair color while she still has some left on her head.

    Not saying she’s fat, because she’s not, but she definitely has that “I spend 12-18 hours a day asleep or passed out and never exercise” lack of definition to her body now.

  8. dontkillthemessenger

    Lindsay Lohan is accomplishing something quite amazing. She looks awful, yet a ton of guys still would hit that in half a second. Oops, I meant a ton of guys have hit that in the last half a second.

  9. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Thank God, for once she’s weaing a bra…….

  10. slank

    Damn… that vagina has been entered by so much dick.

  11. Guy

    She’s like in her 20′s right? She looks like she is in her mid-40′s!

  12. Anonymous

    If Lindsay Lohan and I were the last two people on earth and we’d have to reproduce to save it, the following would have to happen to me first before I’d actually consider touching her:

    - I would be have to be drugged up with every single drug ( including illegal) known to man.
    - I would have to have every single STD known to man.
    - I would have to be sick with any terminal disease known to man.
    - I would have to be intoxicated to the point where I wouldn’t be able to move.
    - I would have to be ass raped or raped by every single pervert and registered sex offender alive.

    THAT is how dirty and disgusting I think Lindsay Lohan is. She is a dirty, disgusting muff cabbage that’s been living in the garbage for 20-something years. So disgusting that no one would ever want to tap that piece of shit.

  13. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Why do white girls wear extensions, it looks like SHIT!

  14. terry

    That bitch is threw. She is the laughing stock of Hollywood.
    Emma Stone is where that bimbo should be. She is A-list all the way.

  15. Brenda

    If these things people are saying about her are true, then why would she get money from that? Are qe not allowed to talk about people anymore? What has our world come to?

  16. Bee Bee

    This girl has so many problems…she needs years in therapy and parents that aren’t self serving fame whores, but of course that probably isn’t going to happen.

  17. Dawn

    Lindsay, I believe the best of you is still yet to come, I also loved your red head
    You are a great actress, and very loveable! Chin up and next time be more careful of your associations with people. Let this be a lesson for you. You will triumph again. *Smile*

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Oh my god. Yes, everyone ELSE was to blame for all of the criminal and asshole things she’s done over the years. For chrissake, people are morons.

    • Satan

      I seriously doubt she reads this site, it would be more productive to send fan mail directly to her via studio address. Idiot.

  18. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    I think it is so damn sad how she has let her self go! I mean my God! The touched up versions of these photos are bad enough!! But then you see Lindsay in her natural form!?! I hate to say it But I can see why her career is over! She is TORE UP! She USED to be Beautiful! Now she wears shirts exposing her body that shows how out of shape she has become.It almost wouldn’t matter, but even she is trying to hide it with her Jacket! So So Sad!

  19. Talk about Karma

    This girl needs so much help and well a tan too. Lindsay go hide in a hole

  20. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Gee, if she needs work, I’d pay her to have sex with me but she probably sucks at that too.

  21. Angie

    She only went to Kum K’s wedding to get free booze and coke.

  22. nimax

    wat is da big pro……the lyrics r true anyway.i m not a hater,it’s jus dat her life is so messed up!! wen r u goin 2 change??!!

  23. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    She doesn’t even resemble that cute little red head girl. What happened to her! She is so ugly now;(

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