Lindsay Lohan’s Shitty Weekend

March 15th, 2009 // 63 Comments

Lindsay Lohan’s weekend went to hell in a lesbian basket Friday when it was reported Beverly Hill police have issued a warrant for her arrest. Details are fuzzy, but it regards her compliance with enrolling in education classes as part of her 2007 DUI conviction. Obviously, this didn’t sit too well with Samantha Ronson and the two got into a heated brawl Saturday morning that ended with Lindsay breaking a window. Also, Lindsay partying with Jack Nicholson until four in the morning might’ve had something to do with it. Not even joking. People reports:

Around 1:45 a.m., Lohan showed up outside actor Nicholson’s house on Mulholland Drive. Witnesses say the actress, accompanied by pals, buzzed the intercom numerous times and grew agitated, asking for “Jack” to open the gate.
The group was eventually let in, and Lohan remained inside until a bodyguard picked her up about 4:30 a.m. (Representatives for Nicholson could not immediately be reached for comment.)
Lohan’s bodyguard then brought her to Sam Ronson’s house, where Ronson showed up at around 11:30 a.m. Later in the day, a loud disturbance was heard at the house, including the sound of a breaking window. Police cars arrived at the house shortly afterward.

Somewhere between Lindsay partying with Jack and turning into the Firecrotch Hulk, she took the time to contact Perez Hilton and completely deny there’s a warrant out for her arrest. And by deny, I mean lie her face off:

In an exclusive statement to PerezHilton.com, Lindsay says, “This warrant for my arrest is completely fabricated and its a horrendous lie. This will make me loose every single deal that I have right now. Its horrible.”

The Beverly Hills Police Department then issued a public statement confirming there is indeed a warrant out for Lindsay. Whoops! And, like any good Lindsay story, her father chimed in to E! News to blame Samantha Ronson for the whole thing:

“I love Lindsay. I’ve been telling everyone this relationship with Sam (Ronson) is toxic,” the elder Lohan tells E! News. “Hopefully this is a wakeup call for her because we all really want her to get her life better.”
Lohan, who has had a on-off relationship with Lindsay, says he supports her unconditionally.
“I’m here for her 100 percent,” he said. “But nothing is going to get better with Sam Ronson in her life.”

I think the most important lesson people can take away from Lindsay’s debacle is that Jack Nicholson has game none of us can ever comprehend. Seriously, he could die, and I guarantee there’d be naked chicks laying on top of his grave. Some of you might say, “Well, isn’t the real lesson here about the dangers of alcohol abuse.” To which I say, “No. It’s definitely Jack Nicholson: Robotic Pussyhound from the Future.”

Write that down.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. justifiable

    #50 See, Jack wants them swollen up or you don’t get through the gate. Lara Flynn Boyle had hers blown up like a runaway allergic reaction when she was with “The Skipper” and she never went back. Jack likes his ladies pouty.

    http://www.tmz.com/2008/03/30/lara-flynn-boyle-is-lookin-swell/

  2. sluggo

    Thanks Justifiable.
    I just don’t get it. Those duck bills just ain’t attractive.
    I’ve yet to kiss a girl with that crap in her lips…

  3. Nathiest

    This site should be renamed to thestupidfuck.com

    First thank to E online we know that the arrival of LAPD cars outside of Sam’s home which led to speculation that the officers might be acting on the arrest warrant issued Friday or to do with a fight of some kind between Lindsay and Sam which led to a broken window. But the police quickly quashed such talk. “They are there for paparazzi,” said a department spokesman.

    Second you actually believe that shit Perez posted? Like Lindsay would ever again talk to that sleazeball.

  4. justifiable

    #52 Welcome, Sluggo. Hey, from your mouth to Nicole Kidman’s ears. Or lips. I spent most of the 2 hours and 45 minutes it took to watch “Australia” going “WT holy righteous F is that? She ruined her mouth!” She looked great in Cold Mountain but she looks like shit now, with a fatty mouth all out of proportion to her bone structure. She clearly had an inner tube implanted in her upper lip.

    Nice to know you have better taste than Keith Urban when it comes kissing, huh?

    http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/what_the_hell_happened_to_your_face#13040

  5. Julia

    And the “lips”…….did that happen when she went through the window? Or does that happen when you suck on something too long?

  6. Julia

    And the “lips”…….did that happen when she went through the window? Or does that happen when you suck on something too long?

  7. Narcissist

    “The Beverly Hills Police Department then issued a public statement confirming there is so totally a warrant out for LILO, because she’s so hot right now.”

    They should send her duck lips to the electric chair.

    I think her butt is fake. I like long crazy hair, though, as long as they don’t have a four foot wide horse butt under it.

  8. Narcissist

    “The Beverly Hills Police Department then issued a public statement confirming there is so totally a warrant out for LILO, because she’s so hot right now.”

    They should send her duck lips to the electric chair.

    I think her butt is fake. I like long crazy hair, though, as long as they don’t have a four foot wide horse butt under it.

  9. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Fish Lips! Hideous! Out of all the fashio fads this one confuses me the most. Is Angelina Jolie the reasone very one wants to look they got punched in the mouth???

    Sam’s the one having a bad week. you know you’re one fuckin’ ugly chick when you’re mate cheats on you with JACK NICHOLSON! I cant think of anyone I’d like the fuck LESS (…..MAYBE Mickey Rourke)

  10. Nice ass… I would like to spread it wide.

  11. arroyo

    I’m sure that Jack was Viagra-ready too.
    By the way, check the picture of Lindsay from the backside – very nice ass.

  12. black & beautiful

    Lindsay Lohan has deals? Who knew.

  13. I spent and I hope they amend their lives a little bit despite some years of my party so I’m addicted to the State, and I was really not happy with your life, or who you are as a person through it, regardless of the image he sought to give off.

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