Lindsay Lohan’s Shitty Weekend

Lindsay Lohan’s weekend went to hell in a lesbian basket Friday when it was reported Beverly Hill police have issued a warrant for her arrest. Details are fuzzy, but it regards her compliance with enrolling in education classes as part of her 2007 DUI conviction. Obviously, this didn’t sit too well with Samantha Ronson and the two got into a heated brawl Saturday morning that ended with Lindsay breaking a window. Also, Lindsay partying with Jack Nicholson until four in the morning might’ve had something to do with it. Not even joking. People reports:

Around 1:45 a.m., Lohan showed up outside actor Nicholson’s house on Mulholland Drive. Witnesses say the actress, accompanied by pals, buzzed the intercom numerous times and grew agitated, asking for “Jack” to open the gate.
The group was eventually let in, and Lohan remained inside until a bodyguard picked her up about 4:30 a.m. (Representatives for Nicholson could not immediately be reached for comment.)
Lohan’s bodyguard then brought her to Sam Ronson’s house, where Ronson showed up at around 11:30 a.m. Later in the day, a loud disturbance was heard at the house, including the sound of a breaking window. Police cars arrived at the house shortly afterward.

Somewhere between Lindsay partying with Jack and turning into the Firecrotch Hulk, she took the time to contact Perez Hilton and completely deny there’s a warrant out for her arrest. And by deny, I mean lie her face off:

In an exclusive statement to, Lindsay says, “This warrant for my arrest is completely fabricated and its a horrendous lie. This will make me loose every single deal that I have right now. Its horrible.”

The Beverly Hills Police Department then issued a public statement confirming there is indeed a warrant out for Lindsay. Whoops! And, like any good Lindsay story, her father chimed in to E! News to blame Samantha Ronson for the whole thing:

“I love Lindsay. I’ve been telling everyone this relationship with Sam (Ronson) is toxic,” the elder Lohan tells E! News. “Hopefully this is a wakeup call for her because we all really want her to get her life better.”
Lohan, who has had a on-off relationship with Lindsay, says he supports her unconditionally.
“I’m here for her 100 percent,” he said. “But nothing is going to get better with Sam Ronson in her life.”

I think the most important lesson people can take away from Lindsay’s debacle is that Jack Nicholson has game none of us can ever comprehend. Seriously, he could die, and I guarantee there’d be naked chicks laying on top of his grave. Some of you might say, “Well, isn’t the real lesson here about the dangers of alcohol abuse.” To which I say, “No. It’s definitely Jack Nicholson: Robotic Pussyhound from the Future.”

Write that down.

Photos: Splash News